Invitations Etiquette - Help!

[CaroV]

Hi!

 

I have a bit of a dilemma. Months ago I sent my boss and his wife the Save the Date and he replied that they couldn't make it. Should I still send them an invitation? I've done extensive research on this matter and I still don't have an answer 

 

I know some people say that everyone who gets a STD gets an invitation while others say that if a guest has declined you shouldn't send them an invitation (unless they are close friends/family) because it comes across as a gift-grab.

 

Now, I really like both of them (yes, seriously) so I don't want them to feel like I neglected sending the invitation and coming across as impolite but on the other hand I really don't want to come across as asking for gifts, I mean, he is my boss after all!!!

 

What do I do???

 

Thank you!

Edited December 14, 2015 by CaroV

[calgarybride2015]

This is a tough one!

 

I personally don't see sending the invitation as a cash grab but I'd be more worried of making them feel bad they can't come.

 

That said, we didn't send invites to those who initially said they couldn't come. Only one person was upset over this and hasn't really spoken to me since. Got a 'would have been nice to get an invite'. I told her why I hadn't as she said she couldn't come and it just never really went anywhere.

 

So that said, if there isn't a lot of extra invites to send to the 'no's' I probably would to avoid this situation.

 

Good luck with whatever you choose.

 

 

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[dreamweddings]

Hi!

 

I have a bit of a dilemma. Months ago I sent my boss and his wife the Save the Date and he replied that they couldn't make it. Should I still send them an invitation? I've done extensive research on this matter and I still don't have an answer 

 

I know some people say that everyone who gets a STD gets an invitation while others say that if a guest has declined you shouldn't send them an invitation (unless they are close friends/family) because it comes across as a gift-grab.

 

Now, I really like both of them (yes, seriously) so I don't want them to feel like I neglected sending the invitation and coming across as impolite but on the other hand I really don't want to come across as asking for gifts, I mean, he is my boss after all!!!

 

What do I do???

 

Thank you!

@@CaroV i would definitely not send to the people are said they are not coming.  I dont even think anyone feels bad especially because they received the STD.  

 

HappyPlanning!

[acw271011]

I'm with the "don't send" side. If they were polite enough to tell you they couldn't come (a lot of people aren't) I wouldn't reinforce it with an invite. You're right - usually an invite means sending a gift so you're putting some obligation there but @@calgarybride2015 is right as well - you might make them feel worse since they already declined.

 

Good luck!

[Janjin]

I'll be honest but I'll be a little offended if I didn't get an invite.  A save the date is really just a heads up that an invitation is coming.  A year out I may not think I can make it but things can change.  And without an invite there is no opportunity to change my mind without that awkward conversation "hey am I still invited".  And as soon as I get a save the date I'm already preparing to give a gift so the invite isn't that trigger for me.  Just some thoughts from the other side of the coin.

[calgarybride2015]

I'll be honest but I'll be a little offended if I didn't get an invite. A save the date is really just a heads up that an invitation is coming. A year out I may not think I can make it but things can change. And without an invite there is no opportunity to change my mind without that awkward conversation "hey am I still invited". And as soon as I get a save the date I'm already preparing to give a gift so the invite isn't that trigger for me. Just some thoughts from the other side of the coin.

Very valid point.

 

 

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[ashhtayy]

Hrmmm great question and many valid points.

 

Before reading this I thought sending invites was a waste because people that have made their deposits are saying they intend to come. On the flip side we have a Nonna that thinks we are crazy to not send invites and she's requesting we send them to people that weren't even sent STDs. For her it's a courtesy - they consider themselves too old to travel but at least the invite was made.

 

What I've thought of doing is sending invites to those Nonna suggested as well as my own grandma that can't make it and then sending a 'information packet/yay Mexico' "invite" to those that say they're coming or have paid their deposits.

 

I'm conflicted too.

[nadiakat17]

Well I think it depends on the RSVP . I know some brides on here have people make deposits and things like over a year in advance so it's already a done deal. For us we had more of a standard timeline...sent stds like 9 mo in advance then like 4 mo in advance sent invites with the final yes or no being due 3 mo before the wedding. With this timeline there was a lot of time after the std and then invite for people to change their mind and a few firm initial nos completely changed their mind! On the flip side my friend had a destination wedding with a similar timeline and even tho I told her I didn't think I could come I appreciated the invite for the connection and also I was hoping I could maybe swing coming more last minute (before final rsvp)

[AdamnJenn17]

I wouldnt if you are making physical invitations

[kateleigh]

Interesting - I always heard you don't send invites if they already declined after STD.  That's what I was planning to do as I get my invites ready to send next month!  I just thought it was an etiquette thing.