Need To Vent!

[deecol]

Hi Ladies!

 

I really need to vent, and if anyone will understand it will be you.

 

I don't even have to say this, we all know that when it comes to destination weddings, some people will be there and book without hesitation, some will say yes and not book, and some will not be able to attend.  What I'm finding extremely difficult to process and understand is the complete lack of communication and respect my own family and "close" friends have for me and my fiancé.

 

We get a group rate and reserve seats, give months of advance warning and in every reminder email I have sent I have expressed that they are more than welcome to make their own accommodations, however they may not get the same price or the hotel may not have room for them when they do decide to book.

 

My booking deadline is next week.  I have 6 people who have guaranteed me they will book by this date.  One of my friends texted me to let me know she's booking on Saturday, she obviously didn't read the last email I sent where I let everyone know the agency is closed on weekends, it's no problem, she can call Monday, but then I thought, shoot - maybe I should let the others know.  So I text one of my "close" girlfriends, she then asks me "do we have to pay by October? because I can't".  No problem, you don't have to but there is a early booking bonus included in my rate and you will have to pay that if you miss the deadline and told her to feel free to look into other options.  She then says "Your wedding is in April LOL, I don't get why we have to pay so early, I travel to resorts quite a bit and they're never sold out in April".  Trying not to be rude I let her know that I am not psychic and have no way of knowing if the price will go up or down, and if the resort will sell out or not, all I did was negotiate a group rate and reserved some seats so my closest family and friends can hold their spot.  My fiancé has worked in travel all his life, we did a lot of research before choosing this resort and date.  The final straw of this conversation:  I tell her, I get it, it is an expense and Colin and I need to have our payment in by October too.  She says: Oh, you guys have to pay?  I just thought you were trying to get a certain amount of people to book so you could get a free trip.  It made me feel like I'm being perceived as a scammer and I should not feel like this when I'm trying to plan my wedding.  Yes, sometimes we get incentives on trips if a certain number of people book, but if she was such a close friend she would have talked to me about how my wedding plans are going so far and realized I am no where near even getting one comp ticket.  It doesn't matter to me, we are getting married, it's an expense, a comp would be a bonus but that's not the reason I arranged a group rate.  I let her know that when we looked at this resort for 2015 a couple weeks before our dates it was sold out so she can take her chances, we ended the conversation by her patronizing me "Oh really?  I've never seen that, must have been spring breakers. Woooo"  And we agreed for her to look into other options.  I'm at the point right now where I don't care.  Do what you want.

 

The other shocker in my current situation is my Dad's side of the family.  He has 5 siblings, they all have kids and some of them have kids.  I have always been close with them, they know my dad and I have always had a great relationship especially through my parents divorce and we have always stayed in contact.  My Dad will be the only one from his side at my wedding.  I understand not being able to afford it, and that is completely okay, but when my cousin got married in Nova Scotia, they all went.  Another just got engaged that lives there and I'm sure they will all go.  Some are even going down this summer.  When I was trying to collect their addresses for my invites it was so difficult, then I send the invitations and I don't even get a reply, nothing to even say they can't make it.  This really upsets my Dad, so he who is scared to even use a computer posted a FACEBOOK message to his family.  No one responded.  So now he's calling everyone individually, and as the declines roll in, I'm not upset, I'm upset with those family members who my dad has spoken to and they still haven't contacted me, and those family members who he is chasing down, he shouldn't have to chase them down.  He had planned to share a room with one of my cousins, my cousin has ignored every phone call from him, every message from me, but told other family members that he can't commit right now and will probably book later.  Why couldn't he tell one of us that?  My dad was left to find someone to share a room with and luckily a friend of mine from elementary school needed a room-mate.  It makes my Dad really upset, which is not fair to him.

 

Trying not to let it bother me and focus on the fact that we have 32 of our closest family and friends from Canada and the UK with their deposits down.  That is more than I could ever ask for.

 

Thanks for letting me rant

[calgarybride2015]

Hugs!

 

You are always welcome to vent here, I think amongst all of us we have seen it all.

 

I know this doesn't make your situation any easier - or help with your frustration - but this seems to be par for the course with weddings, especially destination weddings.

 

All you can do is send friendly reminders and leave it at that. It's frustrating, maddening, upsetting, etc. but there is nothing you can do    Take comfort in the fact that 32 of your friends and family have made the commitment to go and focus on those relationships right now.

 

We had issues with some friends and some family - even Shawn's dad dug his heals in HARD.... 

 

Good luck!

 

ps - I did shake my head when your friend assumed you wouldn't have to pay. That is NOT why people do group bookings!!! OMG!

[Sarahop81]

Your family sounds just like mine!  I'm getting married in Playa del Carmen in 4 months and I just found out this week my sisters are going.  But they still have NOT booked!  Not one person in my family has.  I also had a handful of friends that promised 100% they would go and now backed out because they decided to travel elsewhere this year.  At least make up a good excuse!  Before we booked, we asked my sisters, my cousin and dad if they would go.  They all said yes, sure.  Then after we book, it's 'I'm not sure I can afford it.'  They had 2 years to save!  

 

My mom passed away a few years ago and I'm really close with her sisters and my cousins.   I see my aunts almost once a week.  I have two cousins, those two aunts and an uncle that are not going.  And it's not because of money.  It's because they 'poo poo' Mexico.  It's not where they want to go on vacation.  

 

It really does hurt and it makes you sad.  But I am at the point now where I am just focusing on me and my man.  And I only talk to the people that are excited for us.  As I get older and people get busy and have their own lives, I've noticed more and more that people can be bad at communicating and rsvp'ing.  Just try to focus on things that you can control.  It's your big day and if those people do not want to be there with you to celebrate, then they wouldn't be any fun anyways.  And if the hotel or flights get sold out, then it's up to them to figure it out on their own.  I know it's easier said than done, but you will exhaust yourself if you spend all this time hunting people down.  I wish you luck and hope some of them start shaping up!

[deecol]

@@calgarybride2015 Thank you  That killed me too when she said she thought I would get a free trip.  The nerve!  I actually read back our conversation because I'm so rattled and realized when she said about having to pay by october she actually said "why do we have to pay by October, the TRIP isn't until April"  TRIP!  She called it a trip and not my wedding.  Maybe I'm reading too much into it and she didn't mean it that way, but after the convo we had I really think she did.  I'm 100% going to focus on our 32 guests, there may be more as we still have 9 months but even if we don't I am so happy and excited!  Thanks for the *hugs*

 

@@Sarahop81 I'm so sorry to hear that babe, it's so unfair for you.  But you are right, focus on you and your soon-to-be husband and that's all you need.  I am not chasing people anymore, I sent some friendly reminder texts & emails and now that's it.  You come or you don't.  I have the important people there and 32 people have already committed.  That is more than I could every ask for.  And most importantly, I get to marry the man of my dreams  I hope it all works out for you!!!  When is your big day?

 

I contemplated having some sort of after party or gathering for my family and friends in Canada that couldn't make it but their lack of response and general attitude makes me not want to.  Why should I go out of my way to plan something that is primarily for them when they can't be bother to rsvp, who's to say they would even come to that.

[calgarybride2015]

@@deecol

I am probably not the one for advice on your last mention of the AHR.  I tend to be one who can hold a grudge and I would probably do that just out of spite.  That said, I didn't have an AHR, honestly never even considered it.    Shawn had mentioned it once for his family back in ON -- he has a GINORMOUS family and there was just no way we could invite them all, but one day we will make it there so I can meet them!     

 

I tend to agree with your logic though.  Why have a party so they can celebrate you when they didn't even have the decency to RSVP or reply to your msgs/texts.    But once the frustration has worn off you will see it with new eyes and that's probably the better time to make the decision  Good luck!

[dreamweddings]

Hi Ladies!

 

I really need to vent, and if anyone will understand it will be you.

 

I don't even have to say this, we all know that when it comes to destination weddings, some people will be there and book without hesitation, some will say yes and not book, and some will not be able to attend.  What I'm finding extremely difficult to process and understand is the complete lack of communication and respect my own family and "close" friends have for me and my fiancé.

 

We get a group rate and reserve seats, give months of advance warning and in every reminder email I have sent I have expressed that they are more than welcome to make their own accommodations, however they may not get the same price or the hotel may not have room for them when they do decide to book.

 

My booking deadline is next week.  I have 6 people who have guaranteed me they will book by this date.  One of my friends texted me to let me know she's booking on Saturday, she obviously didn't read the last email I sent where I let everyone know the agency is closed on weekends, it's no problem, she can call Monday, but then I thought, shoot - maybe I should let the others know.  So I text one of my "close" girlfriends, she then asks me "do we have to pay by October? because I can't".  No problem, you don't have to but there is a early booking bonus included in my rate and you will have to pay that if you miss the deadline and told her to feel free to look into other options.  She then says "Your wedding is in April LOL, I don't get why we have to pay so early, I travel to resorts quite a bit and they're never sold out in April".  Trying not to be rude I let her know that I am not psychic and have no way of knowing if the price will go up or down, and if the resort will sell out or not, all I did was negotiate a group rate and reserved some seats so my closest family and friends can hold their spot.  My fiancé has worked in travel all his life, we did a lot of research before choosing this resort and date.  The final straw of this conversation:  I tell her, I get it, it is an expense and Colin and I need to have our payment in by October too.  She says: Oh, you guys have to pay?  I just thought you were trying to get a certain amount of people to book so you could get a free trip.  It made me feel like I'm being perceived as a scammer and I should not feel like this when I'm trying to plan my wedding.  Yes, sometimes we get incentives on trips if a certain number of people book, but if she was such a close friend she would have talked to me about how my wedding plans are going so far and realized I am no where near even getting one comp ticket.  It doesn't matter to me, we are getting married, it's an expense, a comp would be a bonus but that's not the reason I arranged a group rate.  I let her know that when we looked at this resort for 2015 a couple weeks before our dates it was sold out so she can take her chances, we ended the conversation by her patronizing me "Oh really?  I've never seen that, must have been spring breakers. Woooo"  And we agreed for her to look into other options.  I'm at the point right now where I don't care.  Do what you want.

 

The other shocker in my current situation is my Dad's side of the family.  He has 5 siblings, they all have kids and some of them have kids.  I have always been close with them, they know my dad and I have always had a great relationship especially through my parents divorce and we have always stayed in contact.  My Dad will be the only one from his side at my wedding.  I understand not being able to afford it, and that is completely okay, but when my cousin got married in Nova Scotia, they all went.  Another just got engaged that lives there and I'm sure they will all go.  Some are even going down this summer.  When I was trying to collect their addresses for my invites it was so difficult, then I send the invitations and I don't even get a reply, nothing to even say they can't make it.  This really upsets my Dad, so he who is scared to even use a computer posted a FACEBOOK message to his family.  No one responded.  So now he's calling everyone individually, and as the declines roll in, I'm not upset, I'm upset with those family members who my dad has spoken to and they still haven't contacted me, and those family members who he is chasing down, he shouldn't have to chase them down.  He had planned to share a room with one of my cousins, my cousin has ignored every phone call from him, every message from me, but told other family members that he can't commit right now and will probably book later.  Why couldn't he tell one of us that?  My dad was left to find someone to share a room with and luckily a friend of mine from elementary school needed a room-mate.  It makes my Dad really upset, which is not fair to him.

 

Trying not to let it bother me and focus on the fact that we have 32 of our closest family and friends from Canada and the UK with their deposits down.  That is more than I could ever ask for.

 

Thanks for letting me rant

 

Hi Ladies!

 

I really need to vent, and if anyone will understand it will be you.

 

I don't even have to say this, we all know that when it comes to destination weddings, some people will be there and book without hesitation, some will say yes and not book, and some will not be able to attend.  What I'm finding extremely difficult to process and understand is the complete lack of communication and respect my own family and "close" friends have for me and my fiancé.

 

We get a group rate and reserve seats, give months of advance warning and in every reminder email I have sent I have expressed that they are more than welcome to make their own accommodations, however they may not get the same price or the hotel may not have room for them when they do decide to book.

 

My booking deadline is next week.  I have 6 people who have guaranteed me they will book by this date.  One of my friends texted me to let me know she's booking on Saturday, she obviously didn't read the last email I sent where I let everyone know the agency is closed on weekends, it's no problem, she can call Monday, but then I thought, shoot - maybe I should let the others know.  So I text one of my "close" girlfriends, she then asks me "do we have to pay by October? because I can't".  No problem, you don't have to but there is a early booking bonus included in my rate and you will have to pay that if you miss the deadline and told her to feel free to look into other options.  She then says "Your wedding is in April LOL, I don't get why we have to pay so early, I travel to resorts quite a bit and they're never sold out in April".  Trying not to be rude I let her know that I am not psychic and have no way of knowing if the price will go up or down, and if the resort will sell out or not, all I did was negotiate a group rate and reserved some seats so my closest family and friends can hold their spot.  My fiancé has worked in travel all his life, we did a lot of research before choosing this resort and date.  The final straw of this conversation:  I tell her, I get it, it is an expense and Colin and I need to have our payment in by October too.  She says: Oh, you guys have to pay?  I just thought you were trying to get a certain amount of people to book so you could get a free trip.  It made me feel like I'm being perceived as a scammer and I should not feel like this when I'm trying to plan my wedding.  Yes, sometimes we get incentives on trips if a certain number of people book, but if she was such a close friend she would have talked to me about how my wedding plans are going so far and realized I am no where near even getting one comp ticket.  It doesn't matter to me, we are getting married, it's an expense, a comp would be a bonus but that's not the reason I arranged a group rate.  I let her know that when we looked at this resort for 2015 a couple weeks before our dates it was sold out so she can take her chances, we ended the conversation by her patronizing me "Oh really?  I've never seen that, must have been spring breakers. Woooo"  And we agreed for her to look into other options.  I'm at the point right now where I don't care.  Do what you want.

 

The other shocker in my current situation is my Dad's side of the family.  He has 5 siblings, they all have kids and some of them have kids.  I have always been close with them, they know my dad and I have always had a great relationship especially through my parents divorce and we have always stayed in contact.  My Dad will be the only one from his side at my wedding.  I understand not being able to afford it, and that is completely okay, but when my cousin got married in Nova Scotia, they all went.  Another just got engaged that lives there and I'm sure they will all go.  Some are even going down this summer.  When I was trying to collect their addresses for my invites it was so difficult, then I send the invitations and I don't even get a reply, nothing to even say they can't make it.  This really upsets my Dad, so he who is scared to even use a computer posted a FACEBOOK message to his family.  No one responded.  So now he's calling everyone individually, and as the declines roll in, I'm not upset, I'm upset with those family members who my dad has spoken to and they still haven't contacted me, and those family members who he is chasing down, he shouldn't have to chase them down.  He had planned to share a room with one of my cousins, my cousin has ignored every phone call from him, every message from me, but told other family members that he can't commit right now and will probably book later.  Why couldn't he tell one of us that?  My dad was left to find someone to share a room with and luckily a friend of mine from elementary school needed a room-mate.  It makes my Dad really upset, which is not fair to him.

 

Trying not to let it bother me and focus on the fact that we have 32 of our closest family and friends from Canada and the UK with their deposits down.  That is more than I could ever ask for.

 

Thanks for letting me rant

 

Hi Ladies!

 

I really need to vent, and if anyone will understand it will be you.

 

I don't even have to say this, we all know that when it comes to destination weddings, some people will be there and book without hesitation, some will say yes and not book, and some will not be able to attend.  What I'm finding extremely difficult to process and understand is the complete lack of communication and respect my own family and "close" friends have for me and my fiancé.

 

We get a group rate and reserve seats, give months of advance warning and in every reminder email I have sent I have expressed that they are more than welcome to make their own accommodations, however they may not get the same price or the hotel may not have room for them when they do decide to book.

 

My booking deadline is next week.  I have 6 people who have guaranteed me they will book by this date.  One of my friends texted me to let me know she's booking on Saturday, she obviously didn't read the last email I sent where I let everyone know the agency is closed on weekends, it's no problem, she can call Monday, but then I thought, shoot - maybe I should let the others know.  So I text one of my "close" girlfriends, she then asks me "do we have to pay by October? because I can't".  No problem, you don't have to but there is a early booking bonus included in my rate and you will have to pay that if you miss the deadline and told her to feel free to look into other options.  She then says "Your wedding is in April LOL, I don't get why we have to pay so early, I travel to resorts quite a bit and they're never sold out in April".  Trying not to be rude I let her know that I am not psychic and have no way of knowing if the price will go up or down, and if the resort will sell out or not, all I did was negotiate a group rate and reserved some seats so my closest family and friends can hold their spot.  My fiancé has worked in travel all his life, we did a lot of research before choosing this resort and date.  The final straw of this conversation:  I tell her, I get it, it is an expense and Colin and I need to have our payment in by October too.  She says: Oh, you guys have to pay?  I just thought you were trying to get a certain amount of people to book so you could get a free trip.  It made me feel like I'm being perceived as a scammer and I should not feel like this when I'm trying to plan my wedding.  Yes, sometimes we get incentives on trips if a certain number of people book, but if she was such a close friend she would have talked to me about how my wedding plans are going so far and realized I am no where near even getting one comp ticket.  It doesn't matter to me, we are getting married, it's an expense, a comp would be a bonus but that's not the reason I arranged a group rate.  I let her know that when we looked at this resort for 2015 a couple weeks before our dates it was sold out so she can take her chances, we ended the conversation by her patronizing me "Oh really?  I've never seen that, must have been spring breakers. Woooo"  And we agreed for her to look into other options.  I'm at the point right now where I don't care.  Do what you want.

 

The other shocker in my current situation is my Dad's side of the family.  He has 5 siblings, they all have kids and some of them have kids.  I have always been close with them, they know my dad and I have always had a great relationship especially through my parents divorce and we have always stayed in contact.  My Dad will be the only one from his side at my wedding.  I understand not being able to afford it, and that is completely okay, but when my cousin got married in Nova Scotia, they all went.  Another just got engaged that lives there and I'm sure they will all go.  Some are even going down this summer.  When I was trying to collect their addresses for my invites it was so difficult, then I send the invitations and I don't even get a reply, nothing to even say they can't make it.  This really upsets my Dad, so he who is scared to even use a computer posted a FACEBOOK message to his family.  No one responded.  So now he's calling everyone individually, and as the declines roll in, I'm not upset, I'm upset with those family members who my dad has spoken to and they still haven't contacted me, and those family members who he is chasing down, he shouldn't have to chase them down.  He had planned to share a room with one of my cousins, my cousin has ignored every phone call from him, every message from me, but told other family members that he can't commit right now and will probably book later.  Why couldn't he tell one of us that?  My dad was left to find someone to share a room with and luckily a friend of mine from elementary school needed a room-mate.  It makes my Dad really upset, which is not fair to him.

 

Trying not to let it bother me and focus on the fact that we have 32 of our closest family and friends from Canada and the UK with their deposits down.  That is more than I could ever ask for.

 

Thanks for letting me rant

Hey Deecol,

 

First of big big hugs to you... I see this happens quite often with destination wedding.   Great advice from the other ladies as well.   

 

My advice I give to all brides to be:

 

1.  Important people will be there not matter what.

2.  Consider yourself fortunate you already have 32 guests booked

3.  Your friend may not know how to tell you, no she cant make it, only coming u with some insane excuses.

4.  About your AHR, I would wait until the wedding planning stages is done , then make the decision.

5.  You have done your part, sent reminders , calls etc.  NOW enjoy planning your wedding.

6.  This is about You and your fiancee, let the people who want to hop on the train enjoy the ride, and those who are n´t            taking action leave them behind. it will be their loss not yours.

 

Happy Planning and Im sure you will have a beautiful wedding.  

Joyce

[deecol]

@@dreamweddings Thank you Joyce!  You're tips made me smile.  In the end it is definitely about me and my fiancé and I'm so thankful to those that have already committed to coming.

 

Venting on this forum and all the kind words have already made me start feeling better about the whole thing.

 

Thanks again xo 

[acw271011]

I feel so badly for all of you. We went through the same thing when we got married almost 4 years ago and actually ended up going just the two of us. Not fun Yes. But it came down to what's important and in the end it was the two of us getting married on the beach in Jamaica. Whoever is travelling with you, love them even more for going. The ones that aren't let it go and don't let it ruin anything for you. Nothing brings out the worst in families like weddings and funerals!! Best of luck. Your wedding will be fabulous!!

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[deecol]

Update:  My girlfriend messages me the day after the booking deadline "Sorry!  I forgot to call the travel agent, I've been so sick the past two days"... Then posts a picture of herself with a glass of wine on instagram 5 hours after messaging me.  I thought that was too funny not to share.  Haven't had much communication since, it's up to her if she wants to come.  I'm not stressing.  We had a couple more people book since and I couldn't be happier

 

My Dad's family have started responding.  Mostly declines but at least it's a response.  And I found out through the travel agent that 2 of them have been in contact with her, they still haven't said anything to me but good to know they're considering.  My TA extended the deadline by another 2 weeks so they may book.  Again, if they don't, I'm still super happy and excited!

[calgarybride2015]

Update:  My girlfriend messages me the day after the booking deadline "Sorry!  I forgot to call the travel agent, I've been so sick the past two days"... Then posts a picture of herself with a glass of wine on instagram 5 hours after messaging me.  I thought that was too funny not to share.  Haven't had much communication since, it's up to her if she wants to come.  I'm not stressing.  We had a couple more people book since and I couldn't be happier

 

My Dad's family have started responding.  Mostly declines but at least it's a response.  And I found out through the travel agent that 2 of them have been in contact with her, they still haven't said anything to me but good to know they're considering.  My TA extended the deadline by another 2 weeks so they may book.  Again, if they don't, I'm still super happy and excited!

 

People!  I find this quite common actually.  Not sure if people forget social media makes things public or they don't care LOL!!   Shawn's cousin was going to do our engagement photos, we had the day set up, etc.  She called to cancel saying she had to work but then posted pics all day on FB of her trip to Banff.    Shawn was already uneasy about her but this put him over the edge. We haven't talked to her since LOL....   

 

Hopefully in the next 2 weeks you get your final headcount.