Does Having A Legal Ceremony Take Away From The Dw?

[rachelia160]

I'm actually answering the question in my topic instead of asking it!

 

My FI (still calling him that!) and I got legally married during a small ceremony at the chapel of my Catholic church (so it was a small room and not really a church) on Saturday, a week before we leave for our DW. There were 15 people there - parents, siblings, his nephew, my aunt and uncle, his cousin, and two close family friends of mine. I wore my bridal shower dress, he wore a vest and tie. We just did a ceremony without the mass (so basically a song, few readings, the priest spoke about us a little, vows and exchanging of rings). We processed in together behind our siblings, who were our maid of honor and best man. The whole thing lasted about half an hour and was very lovely, even more so than I expected.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm spelling all this out because the big question I had before all this was....does having a legal ceremony before the DW take away from the DW?

 

My honest answer - eh, maybe a little bit, but not really.

 

The whole thing felt a little more wedding-y than I wanted it to, but it was honestly because the ceremony was so lovely that it made everyone so emotional and happy for us, which isn't exactly something I can complain about!  My FI was insanely nervous, and even teared up while saying his vows, which is something I didn't even expect him to do even during our Mexico wedding!

 

My FI feels like we are very much married and has been wearing his ring around. I, on the other hand, went into it with the attitude that this wasn't my "wedding day," so I don't feel married. I haven't been wearing my ring, we haven't moved in together yet, no one is calling me by my new last name, my dad didn't walk me down the aisle, I wasn't wearing my dream dress, the priest even forgot to say "You may kiss the bride"....all in all, life hasn't really changed for me, and many of the major 'wedding day' elements were missing, so I'm still very excited for  what I consider to be my REAL wedding day. I think having a 'practice round' might even take some of the pressure off on the day of. I actually kind of appreciated the fact that these two things were separate - at our church ceremony, I wasn't worried about a thing and not nervous at all (it was just the people who are the very closest, to us, so I didn't feel like I had to impress anyone) and I was able to really focus on the true meaning our marriage and our vows in a very spiritual way without worrying how my hair looked or if the photographer was getting a good shot or if it was going to rain or not - it was truly all about my and my guy and our commitment to each other, not about the party.

 

All in all, I think the way you feel after your legal ceremony before your DW is all about your attitude towards it. Having a 'wedding before the wedding' only takes away from your DW as much as you let it.  Even though it was a very meaningful ceremony that I greatly enjoyed, in a way it's just another item finished on my pre-wedding to-do list. Get married - check!

Edited June 9, 2015 by rachelia160

[calgarybride2015]

Congrats on your legal marriage!

 

I agree it's what you make it to be. We had no vows, no rings, no family. Only a few people know it happened. We didn't wear our rings. We didn't say we were married so Mexico was way more special. I rarely even think of that day to be honest.

 

It's def not for everyone but like you said, it is what you make it to be.

 

Can't wait to hear about your wedding.

 

 

 

 

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[rachelia160]

Congrats on your legal marriage!

 

I agree it's what you make it to be. We had no vows, no rings, no family. Only a few people know it happened. We didn't wear our rings. We didn't say we were married so Mexico was way more special. I rarely even think of that day to be honest.

 

It's def not for everyone but like you said, it is what you make it to be.

 

Can't wait to hear about your wedding.

 

 

 

Ideally, for the sake of the DW, I would have liked it to be basically just signing papers without any of the ceremony elements like it sounds like you had, but as a Catholic to have my marriage recognized in the church I kind of had to have an actual  traditional "wedding," which is why I was so nervous about it taking away from everything, but again, I just went into it with the right mindset. Also, the only people who know about it are the people who were there - we've kept it top secret, and aren't posting pictures anywhere or anything. Even though it was kind of a bummer for me when our family that was there kept talking about us being husband and wife and married and yadda yadda (I was like "DON'T SAY THAT!!") I think it'll help when we're around a bunch of guests who still see us as not being married yet.

[acw271011]

Congrats on the legal Mrs. Next stop Mexico and step 2! And as you said, the party. Love your photos. Very cute. Hopefully the next part is fun and easy!

[calgarybride2015]

I totally understand and having it recognized in your church is so important.

 

We had the repeat after me and kiss the bride elements as those are law.

 

I think your wedding day in Mexico will be so special even still and I can't wait for your review. Your family is so happy and so proud!! I totally understand though.

 

Enjoy!!

 

 

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[racht33]

I've had this debate with my FI for over a month now. I continue to state to him that the legal day shouldnt be a "big deal" we should just look at it as a paper signing legal doc. day and take the romance out of it but he doesn't want this. He continues to state that this will be the legal day we wed and he wants it to be special. Its the day he finally can call me his wife by law and he doesnt want that to be a secret.  He wants our parents their and all our siblings ( im against the siblings) i don't even want others in our family to know we will be legally married prior to departing because it will upset some people that cant attend the wedding in mexico. He wants the ring exchange aswell.  But i feel it will take away from the ceremony day in mexico. The only way he beats me on this debate is that he believes we should celebrate our wedding anniversary on the day we legally got married and not the ceremony day a month later. I'm hoping by next year he will start to understand. But i do see his points.

Edited June 9, 2015 by racht33

[breezie]

I am so glad some one posted about this!! 

 

Congrats on your legal marriage! How exciting.

 

So I have a JP coming to our house and I had planned it just to be our parents and siblings.... somehow, it has turned it to a second wedding (but a first cause it will be before the DW) After letting our Mothers in on our plans, we are now having an backyard wedding and a whole bunch of people over.... aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents etc.... then a huge BBQ after for everyone who cant make mexico....

 

two things- if people going to Mexico catch wind do you think they will be angry about it?

 

and will this legal ceremony take away from my DW... My head is all jumbled... i feel like if we do this then what is the point of the DW?! Maybe I should wait until after Mexico to make things legal?!

[rachelia160]

@@racht33 I feel your pain!! My FI has been so stubborn about the "We're married so we should act like it" stuff. Maybe not quite as much, since he understands that I want to keep it on the down low as much as we can, but he's still made it a little tough (which is sweet...it's obviously cute he wants to wear his ring and call me his wife and stuff, but I just don't think he realizes how much work I put into our DW!) Like you said though, there are some fair points....it IS special and a big deal. For me, now that I've been through it, I've been able to look at it as 'special and a big deal in its own right but still not my wedding day,' if that makes sense? Like I said, as long as you have the right attitude towards it not being your 'real' wedding day, I think you can afford to 'romance' it up a little bit if that's what he really wants, and it won't change how you feel about your real big day - but the whole telling people thing is a different issue. I hope you win that battle! I also totally agree with the anniversary date - of course you want to celebrate the huge day that you've been planning for months, when you got to celebrate with all your friends and family in paradise, and not the day you signed a piece of paper in your home town! I bet he'll come around at that point after you have your celebration

 

@@breezie That's a tough one 1) I don't really think people would be mad if they heard about it, if they realized it was just people who couldn't go to Mexico. You could try to make it as clear as possible to your guests that you want to keep it under wraps and ask people not to talk about it or post anything on social media and see how far that gets you, maybe? If you're really worried about that though, it might stress you out less to do it after as kind of an at home reception.

 

On the other hand, can you explain to your moms how you feel and try to scale back on the number of people coming, or has everyone already been invited? At the end of the day, this is about you and your FI, and sometimes you gotta put your foot down for what you want when other people try to take over (that's happened to me more than once!)

 

If it makes you feel better, my mom rented out a room at a restaurant for everyone afterwords and even got us a mini wedding cake (that ended up on my face...I'm exacting my revenge in Mexico!), and I still don't feel like even that has anything to do with my DW. Both events just feel completely unrelated to me. So I think it's possible to even do a little party without it taking away from anything.

 

 

2) Not to sound like a broken record, but I don't think it takes away from it if you have your head wrapped around it the right way. I was so determined not to have it take away that my brain just didn't really process it as my wedding, even though we did vows and the ring exchange and the whole shebang. And like I mentioned, not doing those special traditions like wearing your dress, having your dad walk you down the aisle, and all that stuff that makes you feel "bridal" was half the battle for me in not making it feel like my wedding day I'd been looking forward to my whole life. (PS - I just saw you're getting married at the Now Jade too!

[breezie]

Love the pictures too!! So cute!  

 

That actually makes me feel a lot better! Thanks a million! 

 

Yes I am getting married at the now jade. Boy is it pricy! I cant wait to see your pictures. I may need to steal  ideas hahaha

[acw271011]

It's funny because this is something that just never came up for us! Probably because we're old but it was just a given that the day we had our wedding was the day we got married legally, and when it was too complicated in Mexico (namely because of divorce dates) we switched to looking for somewhere that it wasn't so complicated and Jamaica was it. It was super easy and the marriage certificate we have is absolutely beautiful! lol

 

My stepson married a girl from the US. She had to apply for a fiancé visa for him, and when it came through and he moved to the states, they had 90 days to get married. We just thought they would have a wedding and have family there and get married. But they actually got married by a justice of the peace 5 days after he moved which was March but then they didn't do a wedding until the beginning of October. We had a hard time with that and really didn't understand why they didn't just get married when he moved. I have to admit, as an old lady I still don't understand the wedding before then the other wedding but I do know about the requirements for Mexico, which can be a bit daunting.

 

I guess in the end all that matters is that you've married the love of your life!