Mom & Dad Walking Bride Down Aisle - Advice Please

[TinkerSofi]

Thanks for all the feedback ladies.

 

@@acw271011 - re: direct conversation with my father > Although I am open to that and will likely go that route, I know it will be hard for him to come right out and say "I want to be the only one to walk you down the aisle" because all he wants is for me to be happy. Its a tough situation - I'm going to have to really read between the lines here because I don't think he will ever come out and tell me his honest feelings. I have likely made him feel bad for thinking he would be the only one walking me down the aisle...which really, really sucks.

 

To clarify, I am by no means knocking traditions. When I spoke to gender roles within my own family I was only trying to stress the fact that I wasn't brought up in a "typical, old-school" fashion. My girls that have gotten married were walked down the aisle by their fathers because that is what they wanted and I loved it. Each persons situation is different and I respect all the many reasons people make the decisions they do.

 

@@veryvalentine - I'm getting married in 2016, so luckily, I do have time to sort this out. Since I already blurted it out to my parents though, I'd like to do damage control as soon as possible. If you are now thinking that your father may react similar to mine (hurt in his eyes), DON'T blurt it out like I did. Ask him how he envisions your ceremony - this will let you know 100% if its even in his mind that he may not be the only one walking you down the aisle.

 

Randomly while re-shingling the roof last weekend, literally at the top of the roof with the sun beating down, he made a comment about when my mum and him walk me down the aisle...he said it nonchalantly BUT, in hindsight, I feel he was giving me the opportunity to ask him how he feels about it. I didn't take the opportunity

 

@@MissJen3 - re: weddingwire idea > I LOVE IT! my mum would be shy but my egocentric MIL would be in her glory. Hey, its her day too and that is a lovely way to honour her.

 

re: the halfway walk idea > also love this. thank you for both of these suggestions. I think either way I go, weddingwire or halfway walk, I will be making multiple people happy.

 

@@vancouverpetunia & @@TinkerSofi - the idea of being given away drives.me.crazy! I am no where near writing our ceremony script but I can assure you it will not include anything about "giving" me away.

Haha I know what you mean which is why it won't be on mine either haha. They're not really giving me away but you know what I mean. They're walking me to the start of my new life. That's how I want to put it

 

I still live with my parents and in a way it does feel like they're giving me away without the sexist connotation. It's not like they're selling me or that I belong to my parents and now I'll belong to my husband. It's hard to explain, it's like they're letting me go to begin a new life. And I'm going to cry as I write this haha.

 

 

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[ashhtayy]

@TinkerSofi my FI knows the feminist in me HATES that saying so he always jokes saying "hey, if you are being given to me, where is my dowry?" he always tells my dad to "show him the money" lol

[TinkerSofi]

@TinkerSofi my FI knows the feminist in me HATES that saying so he always jokes saying "hey, if you are being given to me, where is my dowry?" he always tells my dad to "show him the money" lol

Oh god so does my fi haha. The other day he's like "I have to go with your dad to get the 1 1/2 goats he's giving me as a dowry" lol. I was like 1 1/2!? Not even 2?! Haha

 

 

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[vancouverpetunia]

@@TinkerSofi - So are you walking down the aisle solo and both of your parents will be at the front?

[ashhtayy]

@@TinkerSofi LOL too bad our parents aren't giving a dowry...we could have used that to party on the sky deck until 1AM without making us go completely broke

[TinkerSofi]

@@TinkerSofi - So are you walking down the aisle solo and both of your parents will be at the front?

No, I'm walking down with my dad and then my mom will wait for us at the front. I wouldn't mind walking by myself but it's a rite of passage and given that I'm the only daughter I can't take that from my dad. It would break his heart. Plus I remember when I was a kid Id always tell him "when you walk me down the aisle...". I take it as a dad and daughter moment that will always be in our memories

 

 

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[beckys98]

You gals are hilarious! I love all the feminists on here!!! You are my type of gals!

 

@@TinkerSofi That totally makes sense - I might feel differently if I lived with my parents as well. I'm just mid-30s and have been living on my own since I was 17. And my fiance and I have been together for 9. So that factors in too!

[TinkerSofi]

You gals are hilarious! I love all the feminists on here!!! You are my type of gals!

 

@@TinkerSofi That totally makes sense - I might feel differently if I lived with my parents as well. I'm just mid-30s and have been living on my own since I was 17. And my fiance and I have been together for 9. So that factors in too!

that makes total sense. I thin I'd feel differently about it too in your situation

[snswedding2016]

I'm with all of you ladies! There will also be no 'giving away' at my wedding. I wrote a bit about this on my planning thread as well but my dad and I are not close. He left when I was very young and we reconnected after I finished University - we're civil but that's pretty much it. I've always known that I didn't want my father to walk me down the aisle but for a long time I wanted my mom to walk me down. My mom being the bigger person as usual has always said "don't make a big fuss, you can let him do it, it's fine" but it wasn't fine with me. My response has always been "it's either you walking me down or I'm walking myself down". I really loved the idea of walking down the aisle with my fiancé like @@beckys98 and my fiancé loved it too but then realized he had been dreaming of seeing me have that moment walking down the aisle to him at the altar….so we compromised. I'll be walking by myself half way and he'll meet me to walk with me to the altar. I also like the symbolism of meeting half way and physically entering into our marriage together. 

 

I still wanted my mom to have a special moment, so my male cousins (who are like my brothers and like her sons) will be walking my mom down the aisle. She's excited about it and so are my cousins, they were really touched to be included in the ceremony. 

Edited May 14, 2015 by snswedding2016

[veryvalentine]

Thank you again for posting this.  last night I was chatting a bit with my dad and I asked him if it was a tradition in Spain for the father to walk down the aisle with the bride...(my dad is from spain)  So he said yes.  So I said ok, we'll do that, I'd like that.

I then said that I wished that there was a way to include my sister since the three of us have been so close...so he suggested that what if the three of us walked down the aisle together. 

 

I started tearing up because he really surprised me at how open he was.  Thanks to you @@ashhtayy for posting about this topic I was able to be a little bit more sensitive when talking to my dad about this topic.

 

Thank you!!