Who To Invite To Ahr? Help!

[MissFrench]

My fiance and I are getting married in July and are planning on bringing a little of Mexico back home with us.  Our plan is to have a Fiesta themed party at a local golf course's function room 2 months after our wedding. The event is going to be on a Sunday from 2:00-6:00pm.  We want to keep things on the casual side with no wedding traditions and we are not having a plated meal.  One of our friends is a DJ so there will be music for dancing if people choose to dance, photos of our wedding-maybe a slide show, Mexican decor, and a taco buffet for eats.   There will not be an open bar however we're considering doing a drink ticket or two per person, signature drinks (cervezas and either sangria or margaritas) or putting a dollar amount on the bar.   Although this isn't a full blown wedding reception, the costs are really adding up. 

 

I don't want to offend anyone but am struggling on the invite list.  This is a second wedding for both of us and part of the reason we chose to have a destination wedding is to keep our ceremony more intimate but we are over the moon happy and want to celebrate our love with our family and friends who cannot make the trip. 

 

I really would prefer not to invite aunts and uncles but am starting to feel some pressure from my mother (who is throwing me a bridal shower/congratulations celebration with my girlfriends and insists on inviting them).  Also, should I invite the group of 7 women that were in my graduate teaching program but now only see one to two times a year? And if so, do I invite their spouses whom I've never met?  Also, do I invite the spouses of my teaching team whom I've never met? 

 

I truly appreciate your advice and thank you!  

Edited April 24, 2015 by MissFrench

[KayRae]

@@MissFrench

 

Wish I could offer some advice on this one but for once don't have any 2 cents to throw in lol. We were planning on an AHR the entire time although we had never set a date or planned anything official ahead of time. And then once we got back home and I looked into planning it, I quickly realized how much it would cost to do the event justice and knowing that my husband and I would be taking on the entire costs, as I didn't set aside any of the wedding budget funds from my parents for the AHR, we both agreed on skipping it and saving our money. And honestly I wasn't bummed out about it at all because I feel that the experience we shared with everyone in Mexico was so special and perfect that I was/am perfectly content with our decision. It's only been 3 months but still no regrets yet. I hope someone may have some advice to offer that might help your planning a little easier! 

 

P.S. Almost forgot till now so will be getting back to you via email soon!

[kellymiller]

I also don't have much to input on this (we were planning on doing an AHR but now we are both unemployed and completely broke...not to mention have zero interest in planning anything else!), but I just had a question about the costs. How would inviting more people bump up the cost? Just the food and if you do pay for some drinks? Would you be able to modify your food selection to accommodate more people? Also, people might not be expecting too much food as your event is from 2-6.

 

As for the guest list, did your aunts and uncles attend your wedding in Mexico? What about their children (aka your cousins)? Were you planning on inviting them, because if that is the case you should probably invite your aunts and uncles as well.

 

Just some things to think about!

[LauraM]

This is one of the reasons we chose not to have an AHR. It may just be me but I'd be fairly offended if I were invited to an AHR and asked to come solo, without my hubby. I know it's not a traditional reception, but wedding events like this seem like something you'd want to be "coupled-up" at, rather than celebrating someone else's love without the presence of you'r own love.

[MissFrench]

Thanks ladies, I really appreciate your help! 

 

After reading your responses, talking to my guy, and thinking about it some more, we've decided to wait until after our wedding to officially book and plan this event.  We might even scratch the idea all together since our actual wedding is costing more than we had originally budgeted but we'll decide that once we return from Mexico in July!

 

@@KayRae, thanks for everything!  I don't know what I'd do without you chica!!!! 

 

@@kellymiller, it is going to be roughly $1,000 more for food and beverage to include the extra people.  We are not planning on inviting cousins (mine are much younger than me and my fiance isn't very close with his because they live out of town).  

 

I completely understand and appreciate your point about celebrating without your Mr. @@LauraM.  I certainly don't want to offend anyone or hurt feelings.   I would also want to have my love with me if I didn't have a close group of friends at an event but since the groups will have each other, that's why I didn't originally put the spouses and plus ones on the list from the start.

 

We have lots to think about and I thank you again ladies!

Edited April 25, 2015 by MissFrench

[acw271011]

We did have an AHR and we had a blast! Our story is a bit different though. We're much older and it was also a second marriage for both of us. We had everything planned for people to go - we have grown kids and grandkids, as well as elderly parents - and things just fell apart. It was tough but we went ahead to Jamaica and got married just the two of us so we didn't have a huge outlay of money for our actual wedding.

 

We had a full sit down dinner and DJ with dancing afterwards as well as another photographer to get all of the family pictures that we didn't get in Jamaica. We only had a small group though - only 30, and it worked out perfectly. People still talk about it almost 4 years later.

 

Having said all of that, I think you're on the right track with keeping things casual and having simple food. If you made it a cash bar would that let you invite more people? I almost want to say that if I was your aunt I would be offended for not being invited, particularly if it's a relatively close family. But if you're not inviting aunts and uncles why would you invite all those people that you only see once or twice a year and their husbands that you don't know? Family would take priority in my mind and if your mom is throwing a shower and inviting the aunts they might wonder about the rest of it.

 

There must be ways you can find to save a bit of money. Go for it. Invite the family and have fun with it! Good luck!

[jeffandrobyn]

We are doing an AHR too and also struggled with our guest list, mainly because my fiancé has a huge extended family (2nd and 3rd cousins) who were not invited to Mexico. It became an argument - he doesn't see these people ever. Once a year at the very best, and that's pushing it. I don't even know if they know we are engaged. In addition to them, we invited family/friends who were invited to Mexico but couldn't come as well as a handful of people we just couldn't invite but wanted to celebrate with. Our immediate family and wedding party are also invited. So our guest list is at about 80 which I am not thrilled about but whatever. I think that if you are inviting someone who is married, even if you never met their spouse, that spouse should be invited. Maybe put your teacher friends on a B list?

 

 

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[yasminea84]

@@MissFrench I love that idea!