How Involved Is Your Fiancé In The Planning?

[deecol]

Hi Ladies!

 

So, I often hear about how a lot of grooms have a very sit-back approach to the wedding planning, maybe drop a couple opinions and are basically happy to let their bride-to-be take the reins.

 

Not mine.  I tell him that he's being a bridezilla as a joke.  We are still getting quotes for our resort and date, and while I live on both pinterest and this website, I of course have so many ideas, but I am by no means taking over the planning.  I love how involved he wants to be and it makes me laugh when he says things like "it's my wedding too!".  The other night I asked how he thinks we should go about getting the suits since his 2 groomsmen live in the UK and we're in Canada, and he said "leave the suits to me, you already chose what we're wearing and this is my wedding too" same thing about the bridesmaid dresses, I asked what he thought and his reply was "I didn't get a choice" so I asked what colour he would of picked and he said he hasn't had a chance to look...LOL cracks me up!

 

I do love that he wants to be such a huge part of the planning, he wants a perfect wedding just like I do, which is great - just had no idea he would even want to be this involved.

 

Just curious to know - how involved is your fiancé?

 

 

[veryvalentine]

Awwww-  you have a bridezillo too!!  Yup, I was surprised at how much my FI wanted to be involved.  I've even heard the "it's my wedding" from him.  lol

 

we have a Bristol board posted on our wall where we post all the things that need to get done on post it notes.  (I posted a pic of it on my planning thread) and this has helped us  split up tasks.  I've learned to not assume he doesn't want to take part in decision.  I have gone ahead and done some things without him but I make sure to carefully present the idea and make sure he feels included.

 

I think it's great that he wants to be included.  I would much rather this than him just not be interested!  he has a little countdown app on his phone- ya, he's great!

Edited April 8, 2015 by veryvalentine

[deecol]

haha Bridezillo!  Love it.  And love that he has the countdown app!

 

He's in the travel industry so he's taking care of getting the quotes and correspondence with the agents (I was more than happy for him to take that on).  Once we get our resort booked that's when the planning will get intense and I'll need to implement the bristol board - great idea btw!  I love lists

 

You're absolutely right - I for sure love how involved he wants to be, I just thought it was so uncommon and wanted to get the feedback of ladies on here.  The girls at work that I tell can't believe how into it he is lol they think it's adorable.  

[veryvalentine]

Oh ya, it's adorable for sure.  I don't think it's very common.  We are getting married in 2 months and we've been engaged for over a year.  Any bridal show that we have attended has been his idea.  I have personally not been too interested in the bridal shows but he'd have our tickets ready to go!  lol 

[beckys98]

My fiance is unpredictable - some things he couldn't care less about and some things he is SUPER opinionated about and even though I've known him for 10 years I absolutely cannot predict which thing will fit in which category. So, that means I run everything by him for good measure. Which is also difficult because I'm the one who has done all the research to come up with the best option(s) so I have to explain everything to him about why I think it is best (usually based on recommendations by brides on this page)!

 

It is difficult to get his attention on things though. I'm very type a and he is...Jamaican...which means he operates on his own timeline! We leave for Jamaica 2 months from yesterday and he feels like we have all the time in the world left! I feel like we have NO time left! So I'm constantly reminding him of everything we still have left to do and how fast these 2 months are going to go. He hasn't given any thought to what he is going to wear or what kind of ring he wants.

 

He has a few very specific tasks - the music is ALL him and coordination with the DJ. He used to DJ so that is a perfect job for him. And, honestly, most of our guest list is his friend/family so he's been doing a lot of coordinating and follow up with them on booking, travel plans, etc. We are also planning an excursion or two while we are there and I'm letting him handle that too.

[Victoriabride]

woah! You ladies are sooo lucky!! My FI is the complete opposite and I wish he showed even a slight bit of enthusiasm.. It makes it so hard for me to make decisions and plan things when all he says is "you got this."... "My job is to show up."...The only time he voices an opinion is when I talk about how much something is going to cost then he tries to say we don't need it! LOL! I envy you... I wish my FI would step up to the plate and take charge of at least one thing! Our wedding is 10 months away, so I have a feeling he might show a bit more enthusiasm as the date approaches

[TinkerSofi]

Mine is pretty involved now, but it works better if I give him tasks to do and then he gets them done or he'll say his opinion. While he was busy with school I was doing 95% of the planning but now that things are winding down at school he's more involved. 

 

He definitely doesn't see the point of some details, for example I had to fight to get OOT bags and things like that. Other times he acts like he doesn't really care, which I've gotten mad about. Then he said that it's not that he doesn't care but that he wants this day to turn out like I imagine it and doesn't want to get in the way. When he put it that way it was easier to see his point of view and now he helps me more. 

[Moments That Matter]

How wonderful to work as a team together!

Hope it all works out just the way you envision - or Even Better, cheers!!! team MTM

 

[ashhtayy]

My FI has also said "it's my wedding too!" I have to be careful because a few times he's fired back with "but you're going to make the final decision anyways so do what you please."

 

Sometimes it is frustrating when I have done tons of research on something and am ready to commit and have to explain my reasoning to him. He asks questions that frustrate me and leave me feeling like "did you really think after all the research I didn't look into that?"

 

After a few bumps in the road I've realized I need to bring him into the loop earlier on so that he feels he is involved. I want him to be involved, so it's only fair we talk each (most) items through.

 

In life I try and do everything on my own - Ms. Independent as my father and FI say. This process is huge and I'm slowly realizing that I will need help. He's willing to help (with the fun tasks) so I'm learning to take a slightly hands off approach (which is really hard for me).

 

Just last night I was wrapping these cute mason jar candles for my bridesmaid boxes and I was struggling to peel the price stickers off. He said let me try and got the stickers off in a quarter of the time I did. Why havent I asked for his help every Christmas when wrapping presents? It was a sign last night that I'm lucky to have him by my side, even for the silly things like removing price tickets.

 

If he went ahead and made big decisions without me I would be upset, I'm doing all I can to involve him with everything go forward because like he says "it's his wedding too!"

[deecol]

You ladies are amazing

 

It makes me think he feels like I'm trying to take over everything, and I don't want him to feel that way, nor do I want to come across that way at all.

 

I guess I assumed that he would want to take a more back-seat approach, as he is generally really laid back and I research and over-think things. Even when we moved a couple months ago I had lists of things we need to do, who we needed to change our address with, and started slowly packing weeks before.  He literally wanted to pack the morning of...guys lol he even said he's not stressed about the move at all because he knows I have it all covered.  Because of that, I thought he wouldn't want too much input in the planning, which I don't mind.  I like doing this together, except when he gets all bridezillo on me!