One Bridesmaid Driving Me Nuts! (Rant)

[IzzyDeee]

Very true LOL! @@MissJen3

 

 

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[IzzyDeee]

Honestly.. I don't think you're overreacting at all. I'd be upset in this situation. I actually have a similar issue, but i'm just letting it go right now. At this point i've decided to have less of an expectation and just try to focus on the friends that are there for me.

Very sound advice! Thank you @ it's just hard to let it go in the heat of the moment and each time it happens it still hurts but, I've decided to just let it go and that; "everything is going to be irie"

 

 

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[IzzyDeee]

Was taught that one the first time I went to Jamaica haha @

 

 

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[GingerBride]

@@IzzyDeee Yeah, that's pretty disappointing...however, do you think it's just that she can't afford to go to the showers and other parties?  Maybe just talk with her.  Let her know that if she can't afford a gift (due to the expense of the actual destination wedding) that it's not the gift that matters to you it's her and her friendship that means the most to you.

 

If it's not that, then I would be upset too.  

 

Hope you are able to make things work with her

[IzzyDeee]

@@IzzyDeee Yeah, that's pretty disappointing...however, do you think it's just that she can't afford to go to the showers and other parties? Maybe just talk with her. Let her know that if she can't afford a gift (due to the expense of the actual destination wedding) that it's not the gift that matters to you it's her and her friendship that means the most to you.

 

If it's not that, then I would be upset too.

 

Hope you are able to make things work with her

It's not that believe me that was my first thought too! I've told everyone that no gifts are needed at all for anything! I'm just glad they are willing to spend the money to be there for my wedding. and I wouldn't be upset like this if she actually came to just one event! (Other than the actual wedding) I've offered to drive and pick her up but that doesn't work for her either. It's just so confusing for me because why would you agree to be a bridesmaid but not actually want to be involved with anything?!

 

My FI and I aren't doing a stag and doe since people are already spending money to come to our wedding. And our events have been months apart; so it's not like it's been one after the other either. Just would be nice if she could make ONE event! She doesn't even think she can get her nails done with all of us the day before we leave; and she will be driving right by where we are getting them done to get to Toronto!!

 

Just sad more than anything else. @@GingerBride

 

 

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[GingerBride]

@@IzzyDeee that is sad.  Not sure what to do in this situation.  I would hate to see your friendship dissolve after the wedding.  I see two options here... just talk with her, ask her what's up?  Perhaps she should just be a guest at your wedding and not a bride's maid.  It would be uncomfortable for you and her when you are doing your thank you speech and you mention all the people that have helped you out and she is the one bride's maid that you leave out.  

 

Or just let it go, don't even think about it and don't ask her repeatedly to join.  Some people like that drama and attention "Oh please come, it wouldn't be the same with out you!!!"  I have a friend like that.  When it came down to the final day to pay for the trip she said she doesn't know if she could afford it etc etc.  All I said was it's ok if you can't make it.  But in the end because I didn't put up a fuss she booked without issue.  Her Birthday is coming up and I said oh we will need to celebrate - maybe a spa day or something and she basically said I don't think I will be able to do any big celebrations until after your wedding in Mexico, I'm broke now.  I just replied with ok, we will have a great time in Mexico then!  Some people love drama and will always try to make things about them.

 

 

I hope that you can resolve it without a lost friendship.

[IzzyDeee]

Well at the end of the day it is her fault that she didn't get involved. I have done everything within my power to include her; and nothing seems to be good enough. So when I do my thank you speeches I hope she notices how her name is left out and realizes why it was. It's too late for her not to be a bridesmaid since she already has her dress and has booked for her hair in Jamaica or believe me she wouldn't be standing up there with me. I'm thinking she likes the drama and attention, so I'm just not going to give it to her. I'm not interested in playing these game LOL! I am a very honest and straightforward person (sometimes gets me into trouble) so for me her playing these games is a huge turn off! I hope the two of us can stay friends after this but we will have to wait and find out I guess! @@GingerBride

 

 

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[TNT2015]

I was going to ask if it's possible that she's recently pregnant and the long car rides will make her nauseous, but since your first event was over a year ago... Idk.

 

 

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[IzzyDeee]

I was going to ask if it's possible that she's recently pregnant and the long car rides will make her nauseous, but since your first event was over a year ago... Idk.

 

 

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No she isn't pregnant. She is actually single atm (I realize this doesn't mean she isn't pregnant LOL) and has been single for almost a year so that's not it. @@TNT2015 She's also the type of person who couldn't keep that secret for very long so I would know by now haha! I'm starting to wonder if it is jealousy a bit on her part like was said before. I really hope it's not since I'm not the type to rub things in people's faces, so I'll feel badly if she feels like I am

 

 

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[veryvalentine]

I can totally see how it is frustrating.  We kept things simple for our own sanity and are just having the Destination WEdding.  We had an engagement party last September to announce our destination wedding idea and we had a photobooth that printed the save the date cards for everyone to keep.  We knew that for our group of friends and family, asking them to attend other events in addition to flying out would be a lot and would also be stress for us to organize all these extra things.

 

It could be so many reasons that she can't come...it could be money and she just doesn't want you to feel sorry for her.  I have been a BM sooooo many times and I remember bailing on a shower that I was a part of the bridal party.  At the time I was single and I didn't realize how 'not cool' that move was. I remember just not having the money for the train ticket and I didn't want to say it was money so I just said I had something.   I think until you are a bride sometimes you dont' know how your actions could be taken.  I now look back at some of the things I did and realize that I wasn't very understanding to the bride.  AT the time I only thought about my time and didn't realize that the wedding isn't just one day, but you are supporting the bride through the process.  Don't get me wrong, I was a great bridesmaid but I do recognize some of the things I did do, or didn't do...and I think it sometimes happens but it doesn't mean it happens out of malice. 

 

This BM is coming to your wedding, she's booked and paid so maybe that's all she can really do right now. 

 

This reminds me of something that happened this weekend.  The FI and I have been counting down since 300 days....every day, countdown is on for us.... just yesterday someone posted something on FB saying ,...ok guys lets start the countdown.  I love that they are excited but we've been counting down for a while now.  Nobody is going to be as excited for you or happy for you as you and your FI are.  (that was advice given to me from another member on this forum).