Guest Inviting Strangers To My Wedding?

[calgarybride2015]

Ugh!!! I feel your pain. It's tough when everything is made and things change. When we had the last minute cancellation I ended up leaving them on my seating chart but with additional people you'd definately have to re plan all the tables and update it. So annoying.

 

Ok don't laugh - but he has 2 girlfriends? Like dating or just friends? Hahha I stopped as I read that I get a plus one but this one would annoy me.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited March 1, 2015 by calgarybride2015

[TinkerSofi]

I know the feeling when you have to say something like that, and you're internally clenching your guts because you don't want to know the answer from the other person haha. I think you did the right thing by mentioning what bugs you and I totally see how it's more the principle of the thing that bothers you, more than the fact that you might have some extra people at the wedding. 

 

I would find out for sure what is going on with that so that there are no surprises down the road. I'm sure your friend would understand if you tell her that you were so scared to say that, that you don't even know what she replied haha. Also, I would make sure that you and your mom are on the same page so that it doesn't feel like your mom is undermining your decision/authority. Otherwise, if she says "oh no, we totally have room for more" then you end up looking like the bad guy who didn't want to have extra people. At this point, you already mentioned it to your friend, so your mom doesn't have much of a choice but to back you up. 

[nadiakat17]

@@calgarybride2015 I know right? I'm like , how Is this going to work logistically? I obviously don't know the inner workings of the relationship but on and off whenever I saw him most times one or the other would be with him. Never both! They all live in separate states and none are married. Even if they just all our friends why do they both need to come plus not to mention there is one bedroom...so annoyed

[rachelia160]

@@nadiakat17 I don't even know what to say to this....that's ridiculous!!! Who in their right mind thinks it's okay to invite their TWO girlfriends?!? I feel like I sound like an old lady when I say this, but where are people's manners? You get an invitation for a set number of people and it is no one's right to go around expecting that to be changed.  Your situation is even more stressful than mine since you're already packed and have everything planned out and everything. I hope it all works out for you! I don't feel so bad about going with the flow now, it could be worse....

 

@@TinkerSofi I am SO non-confrontational and a people pleaser so I hate having those kinds of talks with people, especially when people are so quick to call out brides for being Zilla-like. You're right though, I need to just find out what's going on for sure right now instead of just dancing around it and hoping it works itself out.  At this point I don't really care that much either way, I just don't want any more surprise additions after this!

[rachelia160]

Guys. I am about to fly off the handle.

 

I am being THAT PERSON and attaching screenshots because I swear I wouldn't even believe this was real if it wasn't happening to me.

 

A few days ago I made a PRIVATE Facebook group for our wedding guests, just for everyone to have a place to ask questions or to post and reminders or info.

 

Yesterday, I get this notification that one of the groomsmen's girlfriends has invited two people I've never even heard of to be in the group.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I, of course, think she must have just clicked a wrong button or something because WHY WOULD SOMEONE INVITE STRANGERS TO BE A PART OF MY WEDDING FACEBOOK GROUP?!

 

So, I ask.

 

 

 

 

I don't think I can accurately convey how infuriating this is. Having someone tell ME who is coming to MY wedding.

 

So, the backstory: my FI works at a small specialty machining shop with only 7 guys or so.  The boss is the father of one of my best friends/bridesmaids, and one of his coworkers/groomsmen (the more I write about this stuff the more I realize how strangely intertwined all of our relationship are, haha). So, their entire family is coming to the wedding. Corey's best man also works at the shop, so basically the shop will have to shut down during wedding week because pretty much no one will be there.

 

Now, apparently, the boss has decided to pay for EVERYONE to go to Mexico.

 

For those of you keeping track, that is 6 more people total because of the one guy's girlfriend (although ONE of those people was ACTUALLY invited, because believe it or not we really did sentd save the dates to people we wanted to be a part of our special day,  so he doesn't count. So we're talking 5 univited guests).

 

I am just beside myself, and so is my FI. 

 

I've literally never heard Corey mention this Michael guy - they're not close. I'm sorry, but I don't want him AND his girlfriend there.

 

What the heck do I do? How do I tactfully go around saying "Hey, just wondering if you were expecting to be invited to the ceremony and reception, because if you were you're wrong." Or, more accurately, how do I get my FI to do that?
 

How do you tell people you've never spoken to in your life that they're not invited to your wedding when someone else has apparently invited them?

 

At a normal wedding, I think it's pretty much assumed that you're only invited if you get an invitation. This feels like a free for all. At this point I should just hire a big burly bouncer at the door of the wedding and have people present their invitations to be allowed in like some fancy VIP club or something!

 

I've said all along that people can bring whoever they want to Mexico since it's their vacation too. This works out fine with strangers and people I don't know, because of course they wouldn't expect to be invited to the wedding (although that wasn't the case with the original reason for this post...) But now it's just messy when people are inviting our acquaintances, who might then assume that they're invited to the wedding activities.

 

I'm just at a loss. Now my poor FI has to be put in this awkward position of having to figure out how to convey that some of his coworkers are allowed at the wedding and some of them weren't invited. I have no idea what to do.  I want to send out a memo to the entire world saying "FYI, you're not invited to a wedding unless the couple expressly invites you to be there, even if it's a Destination Wedding." Can I sent out non-invitations? "This document is to inform you that you are not invited to the Salyer Dean wedding since apparently a lack of an invitation is not enough to convey that message, you heathens." 

 

This was mostly a rant post, but if anyone has any suggestions they would be greatly appreciated!

 

(BONUS RANT: SO, the boss is giving each employee $1500, including wives and girlfriends, to go on a vacation....what do my FI and his best man get, who already paid for the trip on their own? All of his coworkers are essentially getting a $1500 - $3000 bonus because my FI is getting married....while he and his best man get nothing because they were obviously already planning to attend.  That may sound greedy, but how is that fair???)

Edited March 6, 2015 by rachelia160

[calgarybride2015]

OMGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

At this point I think your text was too nice, you need to be firm.

You need to say 'that is great they are vacationing in Mexico, but they won't be attending my wedding as I have a set number of seats and they are already taken'    End of story!

 

I know it's awkward for your fiance, but people should understand this.  No one at my work was offended that only 1 person got invited of the group. She was my close friend outside of work too. And generally most companies won't close so all can attend a wedding LOL!!!

 

I would probably delete them from my wedding group because I can be like that, but I think you need to put your foot down before this gets more out of control.   That is so ignorant to just assume all these people can go - what? is that boss paying for their cost PP at your wedding too? GRRRR

 

I am angry for you. Sorry

 

Edit: What I don't get is, do people just think they can show up to a wedding without an invite or having to RSVP? Are people really that ridiculous?    

Edited March 6, 2015 by calgarybride2015

[rachelia160]

OMGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

At this point I think your text was too nice, you need to be firm.

You need to say 'that is great they are vacationing in Mexico, but they won't be attending my wedding as I have a set number of seats and they are already taken'    End of story!

 

I know it's awkward for your fiance, but people should understand this.  No one at my work was offended that only 1 person got invited of the group. She was my close friend outside of work too. And generally most companies won't close so all can attend a wedding LOL!!!

 

I would probably delete them from my wedding group because I can be like that, but I think you need to put your foot down before this gets more out of control.   That is so ignorant to just assume all these people can go - what? is that boss paying for their cost PP at your wedding too? GRRRR

 

I am angry for you. Sorry

 

Edit: What I don't get is, do people just think they can show up to a wedding without an invite or having to RSVP? Are people really that ridiculous?    

 

I already felt like such a bridezilla with the text I sent haha, I hate having to be like this but I don't have a choice!

 

Also, I need to directly contact the people who think they're coming...which is hard when I've never met them or spoken to them...and if I've never met your or spoken to you, you probably shouldn't assume you're invited to the most important day of my life.

 

I never approved them to the wedding group. I'm hoping the other girl told them she invited them, and they realize that I actively did not add them for a reason.  I almost didn't have the group set to where I'd have to approve members, because I didn't think it would be necessary, but I've come to see that it is!

 

That would be nice if the boss was paying for the cost PP....he's giving his employees thousands of dollars to attend our wedding, while it's actually costing me and my FI that he's doing that. Great. (Or in theory it would be costing. I'm not letting this happen).

 

But even if I somehow convey that, do they come to the cocktail party where I hand out welcome bags? I don't have enough supplies for more bags!  I don't want to buy more! It makes everything so AWKWARD!!

 

I don't understand how everyone can be that clueless to think they can show up to a wedding without an invite. There are some etiquite things with weddings that I realize aren't "common knowledge," especially to guys, and while they seem like a big deal to us brides immersed in wedding culture, there are some things you have to spell out for people. Assuming you're invited to someone's wedding without an invitation is NOT one of those things. That is common sense.

 

Thank you for being angry for me. That was essentially the main reason for this post - I'm so frustrated I just need people to be angry on my behalf! 

Edited March 6, 2015 by rachelia160

[calgarybride2015]

I already felt like such a bridezilla with the text I sent haha, I hate having to be like this but I don't have a choice!

 

Also, I need to directly contact the people who think they're coming...which is hard when I've never met them or spoken to them...and if I've never met your or spoken to you, you probably shouldn't assume you're invited to the most important day of my life.

 

I never approved them to the wedding group. I'm hoping the other girl told them she invited them, and they realize that I actively did not add them for a reason.  I almost didn't have the group set to where I'd have to approve members, because I didn't think it would be necessary, but I've come to see that it is!

 

That would be nice if the boss was paying for the cost PP....he's giving his employees thousands of dollars to attend our wedding, while it's actually costing me and my FI that he's doing that. Great. (Or in theory it would be costing. I'm not letting this happen).

 

But even if I somehow convey that, do they come to the cocktail party where I hand out welcome bags? I don't have enough supplies for more bags!  I don't want to buy more! It makes everything so AWKWARD!!

 

I don't understand how everyone can be that clueless to think they can show up to a wedding without an invite. There are some etiquite things with weddings that I realize aren't "common knowledge," especially to guys, and while they seem like a big deal to us brides immersed in wedding culture, there are some things you have to spell out for people. Assuming you're invited to someone's wedding without an invitation is NOT one of those things. That is common sense.

 

Thank you for being angry for me. That was essentially the main reason for this post - I'm so frustrated I just need people to be angry on my behalf! 

 

 

I know you feel like a bridezilla, but you aren't.  We had to do this a few times with our wedding and people don't take it near as bad as we imagine.  heck we had a guy 3 days before we left to Mexico ask if his 2 kids could attend. We said no.  Not only were we at capacity, but i had already made everything and had them packed!  You had 9 months notice to ask if they could come and you wait until 3 days before we leave? NOT!!!

 

we told numerous people we were out of seats.  Some were 'snooze you lose'  and others were the case of guests had tried to invite them and we either said no, or considered it and then gave our answer.

 

I personally don't feel you need to contact these people yourselves, what a terrible situation these friends and coworkers have put you in.  I personally would probably find out who invited them 100% and explain the situation to that friend and tell them they need to figure it out.   Also I would probably add a note to my Facebook group 'I hate to have to say this, but it has come to my attention that some people are coming to Mexico for our wedding that are unable to attend our wedding celebrations. We are only allowed a set amount of people and unfortunately our closest friends and family were given these spots.  We welcome you graciously to Mexico and hope you have a great week'     I'd be so over it by now, i feel so terribly for you.

 

I hope you can work this out, but honestly YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT! and have every right to turn them all down. I know I would, I don't put up with crap like that! grrrr!

Edited March 6, 2015 by calgarybride2015

[rachelia160]

@@calgarybride2015 How awful is it that I'm actually jealous of your situation because at least you had people ask you one way or the other? I could say no when asked directly...it's the awkwardness of having to activily seek people out and un-invite them (although I guess it's not un-inviting when there wasn't an invitation in the first place!)

 

 

Oh my god.. I would be furious!! I can't believe they took it upon themselves to just invite others that you didn't send an invite to..without ASKING?!

 

 

Tell me about it!! It's already borderlining on rude to ask for additional invites to a wedding....to just assume is WAY over the line, in my opinion.

[TinkerSofi]

Guys. I am about to fly off the handle.

 

I am being THAT PERSON and attaching screenshots because I swear I wouldn't even believe this was real if it wasn't happening to me.

 

A few days ago I made a PRIVATE Facebook group for our wedding guests, just for everyone to have a place to ask questions or to post and reminders or info.

 

Yesterday, I get this notification that one of the groomsmen's girlfriends has invited two people I've never even heard of to be in the group.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I, of course, think she must have just clicked a wrong button or something because WHY WOULD SOMEONE INVITE STRANGERS TO BE A PART OF MY WEDDING FACEBOOK GROUP?!

 

So, I ask.

 

 

 

 

I don't think I can accurately convey how infuriating this is. Having someone tell ME who is coming to MY wedding.

 

So, the backstory: my FI works at a small specialty machining shop with only 7 guys or so.  The boss is the father of one of my best friends/bridesmaids, and one of his coworkers/groomsmen (the more I write about this stuff the more I realize how strangely intertwined all of our relationship are, haha). So, their entire family is coming to the wedding. Corey's best man also works at the shop, so basically the shop will have to shut down during wedding week because pretty much no one will be there.

 

Now, apparently, the boss has decided to pay for EVERYONE to go to Mexico.

 

For those of you keeping track, that is 6 more people total because of the one guy's girlfriend (although ONE of those people was ACTUALLY invited, because believe it or not we really did sentd save the dates to people we wanted to be a part of our special day,  so he doesn't count. So we're talking 5 univited guests).

 

I am just beside myself, and so is my FI. 

 

I've literally never heard Corey mention this Michael guy - they're not close. I'm sorry, but I don't want him AND his girlfriend there.

 

What the heck do I do? How do I tactfully go around saying "Hey, just wondering if you were expecting to be invited to the ceremony and reception, because if you were you're wrong." Or, more accurately, how do I get my FI to do that?

 

How do you tell people you've never spoken to in your life that they're not invited to your wedding when someone else has apparently invited them?

 

At a normal wedding, I think it's pretty much assumed that you're only invited if you get an invitation. This feels like a free for all. At this point I should just hire a big burly bouncer at the door of the wedding and have people present their invitations to be allowed in like some fancy VIP club or something!

 

I've said all along that people can bring whoever they want to Mexico since it's their vacation too. This works out fine with strangers and people I don't know, because of course they wouldn't expect to be invited to the wedding (although that wasn't the case with the original reason for this post...) But now it's just messy when people are inviting our acquaintances, who might then assume that they're invited to the wedding activities.

 

I'm just at a loss. Now my poor FI has to be put in this awkward position of having to figure out how to convey that some of his coworkers are allowed at the wedding and some of them weren't invited. I have no idea what to do.  I want to send out a memo to the entire world saying "FYI, you're not invited to a wedding unless the couple expressly invites you to be there, even if it's a Destination Wedding." Can I sent out non-invitations? "This document is to inform you that you are not invited to the Salyer Dean wedding since apparently a lack of an invitation is not enough to convey that message, you heathens." 

 

This was mostly a rant post, but if anyone has any suggestions they would be greatly appreciated!

 

(BONUS RANT: SO, the boss is giving each employee $1500, including wives and girlfriends, to go on a vacation....what do my FI and his best man get, who already paid for the trip on their own? All of his coworkers are essentially getting a $1500 - $3000 bonus because my FI is getting married....while he and his best man get nothing because they were obviously already planning to attend.  That may sound greedy, but how is that fair???)

 

Just wow! I am beside myself how people can do this!? I can only imagine how you feel. This literally pisses me off and it's not even my wedding! 

 

Honestly, I would send the memo to everyone saying that if they didn't get an invite they're not invited to the wedding. Maybe add a line saying that this is an intimate wedding with only family and close friends.

 

At this point I wouldn't even be worried about being rude, because they've forced you into this position. They have been extremely rude to you and you have no choice but to put a stop to the madness. I wouldn't even care who gets mad and if they say something I'd just reply "have you ever invited yourself to anyone else's wedding? what makes mine any different?"