Mom Not On Board

Cablelove11 · February 12, 2015

Backstory: I am an only child, raised Ailey by my mom with help from our small family. Graduated college didn't move back "home" and then a few years later, moved to Atlanta.

Now: My mom and I don't have a super close relationship, In fact my aunt and I are closer than my mom and I are. When I told her about wanting to have a destination wedding, her response is why? It's too expensive, your family won't be able to come! Talk about buzz kill..... So I didn't talk to her about it for about a month and still researched and got excited about it. Yesterday I called and asked her if she's warmed up to the idea yet and she said no, still giving me the same excuses as before. I have no idea who these imaginary ppl are that she wants me to invite nor do I care or want them to come! I just want something small and intimate surrounded by the people who have made me who I am today!!!! It kills me that my mom Wont be involved in the planning process and even more that she may not be there or is there with an attitude! I'm grown, but I still need my mom ???? it makes me not excited about everything now.

racht33 · February 12, 2015

@@Cablelove11 I personally am going through a similar situation where my mother isn’t really against having the destination wedding but just isn’t excited or wanting to be involved in wedding planning. She just seems to bring a nasty grey rain cloud over anything I speak to her about. And its very upsetting. I know it would be ideal for our mothers to be as excited as we are and want to be included in everything but we can’t force people to want the same things even if they are our parents. This is your special day! This is the day you will marry the love of your life and begin your new chapter. Don’t allow anyone to rain on your parade and stick to those who are positive and loving. Trust me give her some time. She may see what she’s missing out on and may come around just don’t force it

calgarybride2015 · February 12, 2015

This happened to my husband. His dad was very negative - upset we didn't do our wedding in Ontario so he could Visit family. Upset he had to take a week to go to Mexico. Upset he had to pay this as he doesn't want to go blah blah.

It pained Shawn. Have you ever seen a man cry? :/ I even offered to do something else. My husband realized that the wedding was for him and I -- if his dad didn't want to be there then he would miss out.

In the end his dad came but complained till we landed in Mexico. Now him and his wife are talking about where they plan to go next.

While it worked out for us, it doesn't for everyone. I say go with what you and your fiancé want as it's your day and you want no regrets.

Good luck.

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Edited February 12, 2015 by calgarybride2015

TinkerSofi · February 12, 2015

We got the same from my fiance's dad. He's very much against taking vacations. He grew up in a farm, so everything is work work work, which I understand. He sees vacations as a huge waste of money, to the point that Juan stopped telling him when we went on one because his dad would give him trouble for it. He was very resistant of the idea of a DW, saying the same kinds of things, "it's too expensive, no one will come" he even said he wouldn't come at one point which hurt Juan terribly, even though he tried to brush it off by saying that he didn't care. Juan and his dad don't have the closest relationship either but it hurts anyway when your parent doesn't want to go to your wedding.

In the end we basically just booked his trip hahah, well Juan and his sisters did (so authoritarian of us). He loves to eat, seriously his stomach is like a bottomless pit haha, so when we told him he could eat all he wanted and it was free he couldn't believe it haha. Now he's on board, but I honestly don't think he's taken a vacation since Juan and his sisters were little so it will be interesting to see what he thinks when he comes back . He's just the type of guy to say no before he says yes, and then he enjoys himself.

I really hope that it all works out. Maybe i'd play the guilt card a little and tell her that you're the only daughter and it would mean a lot if she came , maybe offer to help with the cost if you can afford it? But i do agree with other posts, at the end of the day it is your day and you have to choose whether a DW is something you won't budge on or whether having your mom there trumps those plans.

Edited February 12, 2015 by TinkerSofi