How To I Handle This Friend Situation

[nadiakat17]

@@TinkerSofi yeah it's amazing how my friends who have little salaries are making the effort and expense to come and the six figure people are crying out "no money"! I Know I can't judge where people are spending their money but when someone you thought was one of your best friends is posting pictures of their new thousands of dollars toy on FB and told u they were too poor ( this was said over a year ago w no effort to try to save and come) to come it feels pretty crappy. But they are the ones missing out and may one day feel guilty; I dont have that to deal with!

[acw271011]

There's a saying out there: the more you make the more you spend but then there are also the filthy rich people ie Bill Gates who got yo be filthy rich by NOT spending money. You will never figure people out so don't waste energy trying! lol

[Kayla88]

@@jeffandrobyn

Sorry that your going through all of this. I really hope it all works out for you.

It was very generous that you gave up your perk for her to come.

Just my opinion, if she's been acting like this maybe it's best of she doesn't attend so you don't need to worry about her negativity on your special day Just my opinion

[TammyWright]

the ladies have given you some great advice...do you have any single gals you can room her with?

[calgarybride2015]

Hugs!

 

Just wanted to chime in and say I feel for you....

I agree with all of the ladies!  It's tough when you put your neck out for someone and offer them such a great deal and they don't think it's enough I would just lay it out for her and stick to your guns.

 

I also agree with Tammy, do you have a single lady to room with her?

 

Good luck!

[MrsCtoB]

eek sorry you have to deal with this! I think you are being super accommodating and the fact that she is calling you selfish boggles my mind. I agree with the ladies, stick to your guns. You have done all you can do to help her and get her there. Having her accept some responsibility is not too much to ask.  

I was talking with my mom yesterday about our guests and I told her that there's this one friend who doesn't make crazy amounts of money and she just reserved her ticket for her and her boyfriend. She's actually giving him the trip for valentine's  . yet we have other friends who make a lot more and they were complaining about how expensive the hotel was, etc. Then my mom said, "you know what, don't worry about those who make excuses not to come. If they don't want to go it's better that they don't because all they do after is complain and criticize." She's totally right! 

 

So I guess the point of that story is, make things clear with your friends, that she's either coming with someone or you're not paying the extra money, and if she still decides not to come it might be for the best. Then you won't have to deal with the negativity. 

I could not agree more with this!!! Those who are complaining feel as though they are doing YOU the favor by attending the wedding and in most cases will have a sour taste in their mouth about the money they spent. To me that's just a set up for complaints and critiques about everything and anything that might not suit their fancy. Ultimately we all want to feel loved and supported on our "Big Day" and it's very hard to see that some friends/family/co workers that we expected to be there with the right mentality do not have those intentions and are better off not in attendance. It SUCKS but I would rather deal with it now than during the wedding weekend. 

I was talking with my mom yesterday about our guests and I told her that there's this one friend who doesn't make crazy amounts of money and she just reserved her ticket for her and her boyfriend. She's actually giving him the trip for valentine's  . yet we have other friends who make a lot more and they were complaining about how expensive the hotel was, etc. Then my mom said, "you know what, don't worry about those who make excuses not to come. If they don't want to go it's better that they don't because all they do after is complain and criticize." She's totally right! 

 

So I guess the point of that story is, make things clear with your friends, that she's either coming with someone or you're not paying the extra money, and if she still decides not to come it might be for the best. Then you won't have to deal with the negativity. 

I could not agree more with this!!! Those who are complaining feel as though they are doing YOU the favor by attending the wedding and in most cases will have a sour taste in their mouth about the money they spent. To me that's just a set up for complaints and critiques about everything and anything that might not suit their fancy. Ultimately we all want to feel loved and supported on our "Big Day" and it's very hard to see that some friends/family/co workers that we expected to be there with the right mentality do not have those intentions and are better off not in attendance. It SUCKS but I would rather deal with it now than during the wedding weekend. 

[TinkerSofi]

It's really sad but while I really tried looking at some of these people the same I feel like something has broken in our relationship. Too bad really but I guess it is true that this is how you find out who is going to be there for you. If they can't be there for one of the best moments of your life how can you expect them to be there when things get rough. Of course, I'm only talking about those who make so much drama about coming.

 

 

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[jeffandrobyn]

Thanks ladies, for all of your feedback. So it didn't end so well and I know it all comes from her own miserable relationship. I told her that I didn't want to loan her $75 until I knew for certain that her loser bf was coming (he's been dragging his feet) because if she ends up in my free room alone, it's no longer free and will cost me several hundred dollars. I also said that I am having a difficult time hearing her say she doesn't have $75 but has money to pay for someone else's bridal shower. She said that she is paying for her friend's shower because it is her first wedding (this is my second and I never asked her to throw me a shower), so i interpret that as she thinks I don't deserve it. I had to remind her that the wedding festivities aren't just about me, they're about my FI too. She told me that I'm acting like the c word. Oh, and that now I'm taking away the free room and that makes me an indian giver. I never took away, nor implied that I'm taking away the free room, unless she doesn't have a second person. And I was very clear - I'd only do that because it would cost me $800 otherwise. 

 

So I'm taking a break from her. If she comes, great. If she doesn't, that's fine too. 

 

Sorry for the rant... 

[calgarybride2015]

Omg who even uses the c word? That would have been friends off for me. Sorry she's a thorn in your side and clearly has some issues of her own. Her reasons aren't reasonable and you shouldn't have to deal. Good for you for taking a break and what's meant to be will be. Stay strong. Hugs.

 

 

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Edited January 15, 2015 by calgarybride2015

[beckys98]

The c-word?! Wow...I'm so sorry you're going through this, but your last sentence is exactly right. I wouldn't waste any more stress (or money) on this! You've gone above and beyond to help her and to be subjected to name calling is just not cool. In fact, without an apology I wouldn't even want her there.

 

Nonetheless, it is still majorly disappointing when you are invested in a friendship and the other person doesn't demonstrate the same. And even more disappointing when it is your wedding that brings it out.

 

Hang in there! Make yourself a margarita and dream of your toes in the sand on your wedding day. (Yes, it is only 9:15 am but desperate times call for desperate measures!)