How To I Handle This Friend Situation

[jeffandrobyn]

I have a good friend of 17 years who is totally broke. She was initially my MOH but stepped down for reasons I won't get into. Ever since I got engaged she has been really negative and I attribute that to her being miserable in her own relationship. 

 

Anyway, for every 6 rooms booked I get one free so I gave one to her. But that's based on 2 people in a room. There's a chance she may come solo. And if that happens, I'd have to potentially use the room credit I (hopefully!) earn on a second free room. For example, if I book 6 rooms at $1,000 each, I get a $1,000 credit that can be applied any way I want. I gave it to her. Now if she comes solo, I would need an $1800 credit to cover her room. So essentially, I only get a $200 credit between the two rooms to use for myself. And that's assuming I get that may bookings through my agent because even if guests book the same hotel, if it doesn't go through my TA it doesn't count. 

 

How do I tell her this? She just asked me to borrow $75 and I agreed to it, against my better judgement. I have to tell her this news today. How do I say it nicely? 

[acw271011]

Oh my goodness I feel so sorry for you young ladies going through all of these various aggravations when you're trying to plan such a special day! My opinion has always been that friends should be able to say almost anything to each other, and if this young lady has been a friend of yours for that long, you should definitely be able to talk to her. I would just be up front and tell her that you helped her out by giving her one of your perks, but that unless you can find someone for her to double up with, or unless she is bringing a paying guest with her to make it double occupancy, you don't have the extra cash to shell out for her "solo" room. It's none of her business that you might get a second room credit. That's part of your planning info and not something that you need to share with her, especially if she isn't paying!

 

I say be honest. If you want to be able to use a second room credit in another way, that's your prerogative. Otherwise, be prepared to say nothing and lose the money. As much as we want people with us that mean a lot to us, sometimes you need to take a step back and ask yourself just how far you're willing to go. If you're going to go broke over it, is it that important?

 

Good luck! Not a fun situation to be in!

[jeffandrobyn]

@@acw271011

 

Thanks for your feedback. Here's what I said to her and didn't mention the perks overall. I think I'm going to tell her that if she can't put her credit card on file then I'm not comfortable keeping this booking. 

 

I just want to make sure that Adam is 110% coming. I'm only asking b/c you said he is dragging his feet with claiming his miles to buy a ticket and now there's a little issue with the hotel. I can give you my free room for 3 nights but the travel agent told me that it is based only on 2 people in the room. That's the policy because it is the bride and groom who usually take this. If this were a paid booking the per night rate goes up when there is 1 person in the room. So if that happens, you're left with an $800 balance. I cannot cover this. So I need 100% confirmation that either Adam is coming or you can cover the $800 if he isn't. The travel agent can keep your credit card on file. 

[acw271011]

I think that works. Now the ball is in her court.

 

Good luck!

[TinkerSofi]

I think the suggestions here are right on the mark. If she still wants to come solo she could try and pay the difference? You really helped her out as much as you could but I think it's fair for you to say that you just can't pay the difference yourself because you have so many other expenses with the wedding. 

[jeffandrobyn]

I'm so unbelievably fed up with this girl. I have a feeling that's going to put her over the edge and she's going to back out all together but the truth is I don't even care at this point. My FI hates her (and he likes everyone) because he sees how negative and not nice she is. It makes me feel bad because she's been an awesome friend for so many years and he doesn't get to see that side of her. 

 

I wish she'd ditch her loser boyfriend... 

[nadiakat17]

It sounds like she will not have enough money to cover the room if she is borrowing money from you already. Plus if her bf is a loser he prob won't eother it doesn't sound like you like her enough now to shell out extra money ( I'm paying for a friends room but only bc I HAVE to have her there) so likely she won't be able to come. But what you offered her was very generous so you shouldn't feel bad. Arranging peoples travel and rooms has been most of the wedding stress for me !

[jeffandrobyn]

@@nadiakat17

 

The irony is that I even flagged that the free room credit should've gone to me and FI, so it's technically costing me money to give this to her (I said this in a nice way) and she still didn't get it. 

[TinkerSofi]

@@nadiakat17

 

The irony is that I even flagged that the free room credit should've gone to me and FI, so it's technically costing me money to give this to her (I said this in a nice way) and she still didn't get it. 

I was talking with my mom yesterday about our guests and I told her that there's this one friend who doesn't make crazy amounts of money and she just reserved her ticket for her and her boyfriend. She's actually giving him the trip for valentine's  . yet we have other friends who make a lot more and they were complaining about how expensive the hotel was, etc. Then my mom said, "you know what, don't worry about those who make excuses not to come. If they don't want to go it's better that they don't because all they do after is complain and criticize." She's totally right! 

 

So I guess the point of that story is, make things clear with your friends, that she's either coming with someone or you're not paying the extra money, and if she still decides not to come it might be for the best. Then you won't have to deal with the negativity. 

[jeffandrobyn]

@@TinkerSofi

 

your mom is a smart lady!  

 

It all just went right over my friend's head. Instead of having that ah-ha moment that I did something nice for her, she called me selfish for taking the room away. And I never said I was taking the room away.