Registry - Interesting Question

[SusanMarie813]

Hi!

We just got engaged NYE but we have been discussing getting married for the past few months.  

I was previously married.

We have been together for 3 years 

We have a little 15  month old

 

We have about 200 people on the invite list because he has a HUGE family but know that most will not be able to make it.  If they do OMG will I be in BIG trouble. (side note)

 

We are planning the wedding September 2015, simple and fast no need to drag it all out.

 

I do not expect my friends or family to throw us a shower, which I kind of feel bad for him.  I don't want him to miss out on all the fun wedding things.

 

Here is the question do you think if we put on the invitation (doing a boarding pass invite not a save the date) "registered at" just in case people who are not coming want to send us something?  I really don't want them to think we want money, this could be more of a nice to have.  Or even if someone on his family side decided to do a shower?

 

 

 

[kmk2016]

First of all... Congrats and welcome to the forum!

 

I have never been a fan of making any mention of gifts or a registry anywhere on an invitation- I just have always thought it was better communicated quietly through family or at most placed discretely on your wedding website.

 

I may be in the minority though since I am respectfully declining all gifts and have asked for a shower not to be thrown. It's my second wedding and in addition those coming to the wedding will be spending a significant amount to attend and I didn't want any type of insinuated expectation for gifts on my part.

 

Others may give you different suggestions though! The brides here are great.

[SusanMarie813]

First of all... Congrats and welcome to the forum!

 

I have never been a fan of making any mention of gifts or a registry anywhere on an invitation- I just have always thought it was better communicated quietly through family or at most placed discretely on your wedding website.

 

I may be in the minority though since I am respectfully declining all gifts and have asked for a shower not to be thrown. It's my second wedding and in addition those coming to the wedding will be spending a significant amount to attend and I didn't want any type of insinuated expectation for gifts on my part.

 

Others may give you different suggestions though! The brides here are great.

I was feeling the same way as you before I was speaking to a good friend and she was like out of 200 people maybe 30 will come.  They are super close family on his side, and I know they are the type to send gifts no matter what.  Then it had me started to think well I dont want them sending money because that will just go to the wedding, bills or baby supplies.  Money just goes.  I'd rather have things that we could use in the future in a new home, like if we were going to have a shower..  So torn.... Thanks for your input though

[TinkerSofi]

First off, congrats on your engagement! I agree with kmk. I'm not a big fan of mentioning the gifts or registry on the invitation, but if you have a website (which I highly recommend for a DW) you can add it on there. We are telling people that gifts are not necessary but if they would like to give us something they can either give us money or buy from a registry (not sure yet if we'll even do a registry). Basically I don't want to put people under pressure to spend even more money on our wedding. I understand that this is basically a vacation for most people, but I don't want to come across as greedy. 

 

As for the shower, I pictured my shower without gifts haha. I just want to have a good time with my guests but that's it. So if you're willing to do that, you can just ask people not to bring any gifts to the shower but he can still sort of get that experience. 

 

This is the first wedding for both of us by the way

I was feeling the same way as you before I was speaking to a good friend and she was like out of 200 people maybe 30 will come.  They are super close family on his side, and I know they are the type to send gifts no matter what.  Then it had me started to think well I dont want them sending money because that will just go to the wedding, bills or baby supplies.  Money just goes.  I'd rather have things that we could use in the future in a new home, like if we were going to have a shower..  So torn.... Thanks for your input though

Just an FYI, people really surprised us when they started to book! We thought we'd have about 40 people max but pretty much everyone said yes and booked haha, so we have almost 50 guests. Mostly the ones that said no were my extended family in Argentina because all inclusives for them are extremely expensive. 

 

I totally get it, about the money, it goes on the most every-day expenses and it's kind of a bummer. I would do a registry and put the information on your website, but I wouldn't mention it on my invites. Let's say some people say no and still want to send you a gift, if they didn't check out the website they'll ask either you or your parents, so they'll still get the info. 

[SusanMarie813]

OMG if everyone goes what will we do LOL!

 

I am not having a shower unless someone on his side is going to throw us one.  I know my family will not.  Our baby shower we paid for ourselves and had a nice cocktail party.

 

[TinkerSofi]

@@SusanMarie813 It can really go both ways, some brides really struggle to get people to book and others get pretty much everyone who was invited. It's really hard to know before hand, although with that many guests I don't think you'll have much trouble to get a nicely sized wedding. Let's hope not everyone says yes! 

[calgarybride2015]

Congrats and welcome!!

 

I agree with the ladies above. I don't think it's taboo to have a registry but I would put it on your website and not on your invites. For those who don't go and don't make it on your website, just make sure your family knows to pass along the message.

 

We didn't do a registry. Although it's a week long vacation for them, we still felt guilty so we've politely declined gifts when people ask.

 

Both myself and my fiancé have never been married. I only had a bachelorette and skipped the shower. Not exactly sure why, but that's what I chose. Showers kind of scream gift giving to me--maybe that's why?? Hahha not sure.

 

None the less it's totally an individual decision good luck!

 

On a side note we invited approx 64 people and 42 are coming

 

 

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[acw271011]

Congrats and welcome to BDW. I'm going to chime in with the other ladies. I would advise putting together a website and discreetly putting something there about gifts. Even better is to put the word out through parents, or as Kim said other family members. The word will get around. I'm old school as well when it comes to this stuff and especially with having a DW, people will be spending a large amount of money to get there. If the ones that don't attend are gracious enough to send a gift, that's fine. But adding it anywhere to your invites comes off as tacky.

 

Good luck and happy planning!

[Kayla88]

welcome and congratulations! You will love it on here

 

I am also going to agree with the other ladies. I would not put it on my invitations.

I think I will be adding it to my website .

From my experience the people who want to buy gifts will contact you/ your family to see what you would need or want. My mom has been fielding my calls.

As for showers I have told both of our families that we would prefer not to have any, that being said my work place will be throwing one for us, since it's the workplace tradition I don't have much say so I'm going to go enjoy it.

 

As a side note I invited 64 guests and was under the impression that I would have about 30.. Our number is currently at 16 including ourselves

[SusanMarie813]

Thanks ladies