Rsvp Nightmares

[nadiakat17]

Right! Even my parents were like well why do u need to know exact numbers? This wedding will end up costing proportional to a bigger wedding in the states for sure

[calgarybride2015]

Right! Even my parents were like well why do u need to know exact numbers? This wedding will end up costing proportional to a bigger wedding in the states for sure

 

Noone really bugged us about why we needed numbers, but I think when I told my dad the cost - especially the fact we had to pay for the open bar - he was a bit shocked!!!

[tygrrlily]

I think we had about 20-25 rsvps at all :S.  I didn't bother hounding people - figured the people that were coming were the people that contacted our TA and put down their deposits.  We had some people book in the last month but we were mostly happy to have them because they made the effort to change things around at the end to come.  What irritated me the most was my husband's one friend messaged him a week before we were leaving and told us he'd love to come to our wedding because he'd be in Mexico at Moon Palace with his parents.  I was happy to have him but it's like it's still a damn wedding - I have to have exact numbers, make sure I had a chair for him, charger, etc.  Luckily he was staying at a sister resort so we didn't have to deal with day passes - that would have irritated me so much

 

People are definitely rude and laissez faire about DWs.  There really is a misconception that they're free, easy to plan, etc.  I always say it's a different type of stress.

 

Hang in there!  It does get better and you will have an amazing wedding week.  I was super discouraged at a point too and didn't even want to plan for the wedding because we were disappointed in some of our friends.  Try to focus on the people that ARE coming

[nadiakat17]

Yes I just keep thinking of the my FI and marriage, amazing resort and the good friends and family who are making the effort!

[pykx82]

@@nadiakat17  Omg that sounds horrible!  I'm so sorry you're going through this from people who are supposed to be your loved ones.

 

I haven't gotten anywhere near RSVP stage yet, but the issue we're having to deal with is guests inviting their entire extended families.  I've told a few of my close friends to save the date and they've gotten back to me a few weeks later saying their parents, aunts, siblings, etc. are also coming for the week of the wedding.  Now I'm stuck deciding if I'm obligated to invite all these extra people to the wedding.

 

I think the real problem is lots of people just don't think about how their actions are affecting other people.

[calgarybride2015]

@@nadiakat17  Omg that sounds horrible!  I'm so sorry you're going through this from people who are supposed to be your loved ones.

 

I haven't gotten anywhere near RSVP stage yet, but the issue we're having to deal with is guests inviting their entire extended families.  I've told a few of my close friends to save the date and they've gotten back to me a few weeks later saying their parents, aunts, siblings, etc. are also coming for the week of the wedding.  Now I'm stuck deciding if I'm obligated to invite all these extra people to the wedding.

 

I think the real problem is lots of people just don't think about how their actions are affecting other people.

 

You are NOT obligated to invite any of them to your wedding other than who was on the invite. I would be quite clear in whatever you decide because that is terribly rude on their part if they think the invite was for everyone!

 

We had some people on fiance's side ask if another one of their cousins and her spouse could come. We didn't deny them coming to Mexico but told them we had to think about if we had room/funds for them at our wedding.  In the end we decided to extend the invite then they didn't come anyways HAHHA sigh!!!  

 

But we also just had a groomsman who lives in Mexico ask if his daughter could join him and his plus one. He literally asked YESTERDAY when we sent out invites 8 months ago. Seriously, you ask now?  We said no that was not possible as we are marrying next week. (what I find odd is that he has a daughter and a son lol)

Edited January 12, 2015 by calgarybride2015

[TinkerSofi]

@@pykx82 how rude of them. I'm so sick of people who think DW are free or that they are somehow any different than a regular wedding!! Ugh! hahah. I agree that you need to draw your line in the sand and be very clear with them that only the people in the invite are invited. Others can come to Mexico if they want, but they're not invited to wedding events. It is kind of an awkward situation, but it's really not your fault, it's theirs for putting you in that position that you actually have to tell them that they can't invite everyone and their grandmother too hahah. 

 

On the other hand, maybe your friend just said they'll be in Mexico but doesn't expect the extended family to attend the wedding but you might want to have the conversation anyway just so there are no surprises. A friend of mine had someone's aunt show up at the wedding, with no warning at all, so they had to scramble last minute to get her a place setting and a chair. The chair did not have a cover or anything, of course, but then they took one of the dressed chairs, leaving one of the actual guests with a spot on a table that was obviously not planned. My friend was so angry and she felt so bad for the one guest. 

Edited January 12, 2015 by TinkerSofi

[nadiakat17]

Yeah the lack of manners is appalling. It ends up putting people in a very awkward situation. i didn't realize what a strain this would have on my relationships with other people!

[pykx82]

@@TinkerSofi Yeah, I think I'm going to have the conversation with my friends so they understand that we just can't afford to invite everyone and their dogs to the actual wedding.  If they want to join us for the rest of the time, that's totally fine.  I just can't afford to buy them all dinner or make them a welcome bag, haha.

 

That's horrifying that someone would just SHOW UP and not say anything ahead of time.  I would be beside myself.

[TinkerSofi]

@@TinkerSofi Yeah, I think I'm going to have the conversation with my friends so they understand that we just can't afford to invite everyone and their dogs to the actual wedding.  If they want to join us for the rest of the time, that's totally fine.  I just can't afford to buy them all dinner or make them a welcome bag, haha.

 

That's horrifying that someone would just SHOW UP and not say anything ahead of time.  I would be beside myself.

I think that's a great idea just to make things clear. if they say "oh, no they're just coming to Mexico but we didn't expect them to go to the wedding" at least you know you're all on the same page . I honestly thought that it was common knowledge that weddings cost on a per person basis but after planning one I realized that apparently not