Destination Weddings Perceived As Selfish?

[hp520]

So I was on a different wedding forum and someone posted their annoyances about being a guest at a destination wedding.  I understood why she was complaining that it cost her a lot of money to attend her friends wedding, but someone chimed in saying that couple's who have destination weddings are completely selfish.   A few people agreed with her.  Do you think people who are invited to destination weddings think the same way?  They don't HAVE to go if they can't or they don't want to, so how is that selfish?  My fiance and I are having a destination wedding in Cabo and have been worried about how much money our guests are going to spend.  We chose Cabo because it was the least expensive as far as traveling costs for everyone.  We’re letting our guests stay wherever they want and we gave them lists of cheaper hotels. We chose an affordable hotel and are only spending about $600 each for our week long stay, which includes airfare, but its not including food. We’re also paying for their transportation from the airport to downtown Cabo.  We don’t expect every guest we invited to come and we don’t expect everyone to do all the activities we want to do.  I don’t want this wedding to be all about us.   My fiance and I have been invited to several destination weddings and we politely declined. I don’t want any of our guests to feel like they have to go. For family that can’t afford it, we are paying for their trip, and we are insisting that our guests not give us any gifts. 

 

I don't want our guests to grumble when they get our invitation in the mail.  I never thought people would think that we're selfish for having a destination wedding.  What do you guys think?  I don't want to upset our guests, but at the same time, they don't have to go. Were you ever invited to a destination wedding and was completely annoyed by it?

 

[rachelia160]

This is bizarre...how is a person planning THEIR wedding, which is THEIR special day, selfish? No matter HOW you do it?  As you said, no one is obligated to come, and I'm sure most brides are very understanding of that fact (it would be another thing if a DW bride ran around getting insulted every time someone wasn't able to attend, but I don't think most people are that rude!)  At the end of the day, a wedding is a party to celebrate a marriage, and I don't see how someone throwing a party in the way that they want could be selfish.

[calgarybride2015]

Personally for me, I wish I was invited to destination weddings.  I LOVE to travel and having an excuse to do so would be perfect. So with that said I would never ever be annoyed by an invite to a DW.  Even if I couldn't attend I would just politely decline.

 

You are not selfish for doing what YOU want to do on YOUR wedding!!!  Yes you will hear comments from some people, you will get some pretty lame excuses, and for some reason there is always drama (in some form) that surrounds weddings, but try not to let that get you down.   Remind yourself that you and your fiance want this and just be prepared that some people who you really want there, won't be able to go.  

 

My fiance's dad made comments that could be perceived as him saying we are selfish. But in the end we stuck to our guns and they are coming to the wedding.  We also had some people who just couldn't say 'no' and move on. They had to make so much drama out of it.   I don't know if that is because of something going on inside them or not but after all that it was refreshing to just get a basic no lol.  

 

Also just be prepared for a lot of other drama.  Seems most people on this board get their share in one way or another.  

 

Do what you want to do and just remember that people can say no if they can't go, don't want to spend the money, etc. Don't feel guilty (though hard) because they are adults and can do as they see fit. Try not to be upset when you get the no's, but it's par for the course.  Deal with it as it comes.  

 

We also said no gifts as we were just happy people were coming. We are also trying to do a few extras to show them we care they are there.

 

@@rachelia160 - some people are that rude.  Most of us on here have some sort of story to share.  It's funny the sides people show with weddings, funerals, childbirth, etc. 

I had a friend say no verbally so I didn't send her an invite and now she won't even talk to me!! yikes.

I also had people tell us that $1500 PP all inclusive (airfair, hotel for 7 nights, transports, etc.) was way to expensive for Mexico and they have been there more than enough to now this. She went on and on for months, until we cut the ties.  I really could go on and on!

Edited December 26, 2014 by calgarybride2015

[Vika]

don't let what other might say or do get to you, at the end of the day, it is your special day, a day that you will remmember and treasure forever. You have to do what you want, and exactly how you want it done,  so that you do not regret it later on. people really do show their true colors when it comes to weddings, and at the end of the day, do you really want those people that bring you down in your life?

-advise that was given to me, that helped me through all the drama

[kmk2016]

If you are referring to posts about DW on the weddingbees that board is full of snark.... Don't read to much into it or worry one bit. People seem to love and complain over there- not sure why!

 

Everyone we invited loved the idea of a DW. Sure- some declined for personal reasons, but for those that could afford/loved to travel they thought it great. Your not forcing people to attend, your simply planning your wedding and hoping some of your loved ones will be able to join you!

 

Don't worry one moment about it!

[nattiegams325]

I think people are just crabby pants...seriously no one HAS to come to my wedding. But when I did get annoyed is when people said they couldn't afford it but didn't even bother calling our travel agent (who got cheaper rates than online)...like they didn't even try. Then they get upset that I'm not having an AHR. Ummm hence the point of of a DW...ugh people annoy me.

 

This is your (our!) day, enjoy it. The people who truly matter will do everything possible to come. Unfortunately weddings sometimes make or break relationships, and I think this is even more so with DWs.

[TinkerSofi]

Luckily we haven't had too many people come up to us saying that we're selfish. Most were actually really excited to go on vacation with us . I'm sure some thought it was selfish out of those that said no but I really don't care. This is your day so just focus on those who are coming and on how amazing the whole week will be

 

We had one person tell us it was too expensive so he didn't book with the group. A few weeks ago we found out that he didn't even check our website for the prices and just went by what another friend told him, that it was $1700 per person. Well that was the price for the most expensive room and it was $1500 for the cheapest. He couldn't believe it because he would have been able to afford that one but now he lost out on the group pricing

 

 

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[calgarybride2015]

Luckily we haven't had too many people come up to us saying that we're selfish. Most were actually really excited to go on vacation with us . I'm sure some thought it was selfish out of those that said no but I really don't care. This is your day so just focus on those who are coming and on how amazing the whole week will be

 

We had one person tell us it was too expensive so he didn't book with the group. A few weeks ago we found out that he didn't even check our website for the prices and just went by what another friend told him, that it was $1700 per person. Well that was the price for the most expensive room and it was $1500 for the cheapest. He couldn't believe it because he would have been able to afford that one but now he lost out on the group pricing

 

 

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Awe that sucks!! It's unfortunate he didn't look for himself or ask you guys. Is there anyway your TA can work magic?

 

 

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[rachelia160]

The

 

Luckily we haven't had too many people come up to us saying that we're selfish. Most were actually really excited to go on vacation with us . I'm sure some thought it was selfish out of those that said no but I really don't care. This is your day so just focus on those who are coming and on how amazing the whole week will be

We had one person tell us it was too expensive so he didn't book with the group. A few weeks ago we found out that he didn't even check our website for the prices and just went by what another friend told him, that it was $1700 per person. Well that was the price for the most expensive room and it was $1500 for the cheapest. He couldn't believe it because he would have been able to afford that one but now he lost out on the group pricing


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All of our guests coming so far are so excited to go on vacation with us, too!  This is pretty much everyone's first DW and they're all unbelievably excited.  I guess we should all just be glad that the dramatic people are saying no, because who wants to go  on vacation with a party pooper anyway? 

[calgarybride2015]

The

 

 

All of our guests coming so far are so excited to go on vacation with us, too!  This is pretty much everyone's first DW and they're all unbelievably excited.  I guess we should all just be glad that the dramatic people are saying no, because who wants to go  on vacation with a party pooper anyway? 

 

I agree, everyone who has said yes is super excited. When do you ever get to vacation with 44 of your friends and family!!!   We are happy too that the dramatic people said no.