Guests Booking At A Different Hotel

[veryvalentine]

Well it's my turn to vent.  I have been reading and following several different wedding stories on here and also lots of venting- was really hoping I didn't have to post my own story but here goes!

 

Soooo...a guest of ours who was excited about our wedding from the minute we announced a destination wedding has now let us know that they will be booking at a different hotel.  We realize we cannot control every single detail about our wedding and we are for the most part ok with that.

 

The only problem that I can anticipate is that there is the day pass fee.  I was warned by the hotel and our travel agent that they would need to pay for a day pass to attend the ceremony (morning until 5pm pass) and to stay at the reception they would have to pay for another pass.  The times for the  day pass are morning to 5pm and then evening until 11pm?  or 1am ...I can't remember.  It totals about $200 for each outside guest to attend the wedding. 

 

So we've explained that this is going to be a cost that they will be faced with.  (We are not paying for this...I don't think we should.)

$200 x 3 people = $600 is a lot of money.

 

Anyway, they have explained that they don't think they will be charged that and that they won't pay it.  (they will most definitely be charged the day pass, that's how the resort makes extra money.)  And based on the conversation they had with my FI they eluded to the fact that if they did have to pay that fee then they wouldn't come to the wedding.  So essentially they are going to fly down, stay at a different hotel, find their own way down to our hotel the day off the wedding and be told about the day pass, the same day pass fee we are telling them now, and then return back to their hotel because they won't be able to escape that cost.

 

So many reasons why this is annoying

 

1. We will have to give final numbers by then.  So when, not if, they find out that they have to pay the day passes and they decide to turn around and go back to their hotel, we will also be out $300 ($100 per person).

 

2.  Why come?  I mean save your money.  If you think there is a chance that you will have to pay the fee and you don't want to then don't risk it and don't come.

 

3.  We ideally want the group to bond and spend some nice time together and this obviously won't happen at all with these guests. 

 

Our idea is to send them an email explaining the day pass costs and just outlining that we were planning for some group events together and the bachelor party etc etc at the resort.  And just outlining in a nice, but gentle way that we won't be paying for the day passes and if they don't attend that we are also out money.

 

I am too annoyed to think of a nice way to write all of this but if anyone has come across this and has tips, please share. If you have seen this topic somewhere else in this forum , also let me know.

 

10am and I'm ready for a shot of tequila. lol

 

also, I'm afraid that they will start a trend with the rest of the guests and it will sort give other guests the idea of looking outside of our hotel.

 

 Help!

Edited November 5, 2014 by veryvalero

[calgarybride2015]

Hugs!

 

I think we all have a story or another thru this whole wedding process!

 

I know another bride on here has had a similar issue as you -- people booking at another resort and recruiting other invitees to do the same.  I personally feel it's a horribly rude move on their part. Stay at another hotel, sure, but leave the other invitees alone. It's not their wedding!  So I feel your frustration and concern that this may happen!

 

I personally agree that they should be paying the day pass fee.  They chose to stay at another resort, and you already have their fees to attend the wedding on your plate.  If they stayed with everyone else, you wouldn't have to incur that cost and I stand behind them paying 100%.  It never once crossed my mind to pay this for my guests, I just put it on the website that the cost would be xxx for them if they chose to stay somewhere else!

 

Once you have time to calm down and think threw what you want to say, you should send them a quick email.

Explain to them by you want everyone at the same resort - a week of activities together, the parties, the wedding, the bonding, etc.  Kindly explain to them that you understand if they should wish to stay elsewhere, but again politely remind them of the cost they will incur to enter the resort & that it's a resort policy.

 

Unfortunately there is nothing else you can do.  Good luck!

[kmk2016]

Soooo frustrating!! I agree with above post- send them an email and let them know that in order to finalize plans you will need to have them either registered as a guest at your resort, or at a minimum have confirmation from your hotel that they have pre-booked/paid for day passes to attend your wedding events. Explain that you will need to pay for multiple things associated with your wedding in the coming months and need firm numbers in order to keep your budget in line. Politely tell them that if they have since decided to simply have a vacation in Mexico and not attend your wedding, that you will change their RSVP to not attending, and simply carry forward without them- but do NOT allow them to say they are going to "try" and attend leaving you in limbo on your final planning and costs.

 

People are so clueless sometimes! lay down your expectations and then move on. It's not fair to you!

[calgarybride2015]

Soooo frustrating!! I agree with above post- send them an email and let them know that in order to finalize plans you will need to have them either registered as a guest at your resort, or at a minimum have confirmation from your hotel that they have pre-booked/paid for day passes to attend your wedding events. Explain that you will need to pay for multiple things associated with your wedding in the coming months and need firm numbers in order to keep your budget in line. Politely tell them that if they have since decided to simply have a vacation in Mexico and not attend your wedding, that you will change their RSVP to not attending, and simply carry forward without them- but do NOT allow them to say they are going to "try" and attend leaving you in limbo on your final planning and costs.

 

People are so clueless sometimes! lay down your expectations and then move on. It's not fair to you!

 

Oh good point, never really addressed the 'try to come' part!  That would be frustrating.

I would definitely be firm in the RSVP date, etc.    Good luck!

[jackielemman]

Be firm with the RSVP and educate them about the whole process of booking a destination wedding. I can't even begin to tell you how many times my husband and I had this same discussion with people and in the end they had no idea what goes into planning and executing a destination wedding. They didn't even realize that there would be tables and a head count for food, cake etc... I can't even make this up. I really wanted to smack some of them thru the phone!! DUHH this is a wedding like every other wedding you've been to... with you know chairs, and tables, and food, and center pieces that all have to be pre-ordered!!!!! 

 

In the end we only had 4 people stay off property at their time share. I was very understanding but very clear that they would not be able to attend any of the other wedding week events and would need to pay for their day pass and transportation-- plus they had to leave before the wedding reception was actually over. I also had them pay me ahead of time for their day passes as part of their RSVP. You can be kind and firm at the same time. 

 

At the end... try not to make this issue work you up too much. You can only control people to an extent. Wishing you some serenity!! Try and do something nice for yourself to get your mind off of it! 

[TAkathy]

Sorry you have to be dealing with this level of insensitivity,  You have enough to concern yourself with.  But you shouldn't have to be on the hook or on the fence.

 

I would definitely notify all of your guests who have RSVP'd YES but not yet reserved group space at your hotel:

1) what the monetary consequences will be if they stay at another property (Be sure to clearly explain the fees)

2) that you will need to collect the required fees in advance for anyone who is planning on attending the wedding but staying at another property.  

3) Clarify that if the required fees are not paid in advance, you will need to indicate that those guests are not attending as the hotel needs an accurate guest count in order to properly prepare and staff the wedding events.

 

However you phrase it, as long as guests are fore-warned of exactly what the consequences are, it is on them if they choose to make other arrangements.  But there is no way you should have to fork out money to accommodate this type of behavior.  You may save some folks from making a big mistake.  

[veryvalentine]

Thank you for the advice.  I really promised myself that I wouldn't let these things bother me, and we chose to do a destination wedding to have a more relaxed wedding...but jeez, this has really annoyed me.

 

I'm going to write and email and I will share here once it's complete. 

[jeffandrobyn]

Why do they think there wouldn't be a fee if you're telling them there will be? I have some guests who have already mentioned staying elsewhere and I explained the fee to them - and implied it would be their responsibility. They didn't seem phased by it. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. That's frustrating.

[chelseapaige37]

I am going to disagree. I think you should be paying for day passes. I mean I wouldn't go around advertising it, but if they have chosen to stay at a different resort, it could be because they found a more affordable deal. If they are making the effort to come all the way to your wedding I really think it's the right thing to do. Yes it adds to your expense, but I think generally we all paid more for nicer resorts, therefor having our friends and family pay more then they would typically pay for a vacation. I mean , it is more fun and ideal for everyone to stay together - but if doesn't mean ppl are obligated to. I just figure that we are already asking ppl to spend the time and money to come to our wedding - why ask them to spend more to actually come to the wedding? Sure it isn't ideal and yes it could get costly, but in the grand scheme of things, is a few hundred dollars really worth the risk of upsetting friends and family? Is a few hundred dollars worth the stress and headache of dealing with all of this?

 

 

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