Invited To Destination Wedding, Guest Allowed, But Not To Ceremony?

[veryvalentine]

If the invitation said plus 1 and you are not allowed to bring that +1 to the ceremony or reception I think that it is not fair.

It's one of those costs attached to weddings.  What is your guest going to do that evening?  Just stay back in the room?  have dinner for 1 at one of the restaurants?  

 

Most destination wedding group bookings offer incentives for the # of people who book through your travel agent.  So if your guests are bringing someone and they are booking through your group and you are receiving an incentive because of your guest and that same guest is not allowed to attend the wedding, I think that's tacky.

 

I think a good chat to clarify is needed because it doesn't seem right.

[Lindsay30]

I definitely think you need to get clarification if you are able to bring a plus 1 to the resort at all. If yes, then they should definitely be invited to all wedding events, otherwise that seems very odd.

 

We got married in July and added plus 1's to the guests who didn't have a significant other but kept it to the specific guest for some older adults that were family friends and wouldn't be bringing anyone along anyway.

 

We felt that if they were willing to spend the amount of money it costs to attend our wedding, they should be able to enjoy their 'vacation' with anyone they want. We also didn't invite a ton of people to the wedding knowing we were having an at home reception a month later so we had 40 guests with us. With the wedding packages the hotel offers, they include a specified amount of guests so we only paid for 10 extra people and we could hardly complain about paying an extra $25 for 10 people when at home it would have been at least $100 per person per plate. And yes we paid for each chair at the reception and the ceremony.. but again, these guests spent money, time away from their kids, jobs etc...to be with us, I would have been happy to pay for an extra chair, meal, excursion that would have allowed our invited guests to enjoy their time with us and with their plus 1 weather it be a friend of theirs or a new relationship.

 

In the end we only had 2 people come as singles due to either no significant other and it being their choice to not bring anyone and another person's wife was out of the country for work. My husbands sister, a bridesmaid of mine had a bad breakup a month prior to the wedding and she ended up bringing her best friend which we didn't mind at all. If she was willing to get all of the hotel info changed over to someone else and her friend was wiling to drop everything a month before the wedding and be okay taking a last minute vacation, why not?

 

I agree that a destination wedding is more intimate but if someone brings along a person that you aren't that close with, you're hardly going to notice because you'll be too wrapped up in the excitement of the wedding, planned out events, your soon to be hubby/wife and enjoying everyone's company. And who knows, you might come to be great friends with this more random plus 1!

[veryvalentine]

Agreed!  I attended a destination wedding as my sister's guest and I was not very close to the bride and groom...but the experience was amazing.  Their wedding inspired me to have a destination wedding and since that week I feel like I became closer friends with their circle. 

[nadiakat17]

I am in the minority I guess on this...I look at it as...it is our wedding and we are spending the money for everyone that night, and with a budget I cannot invite a ton of people which random +1s are taking away from my actual friends and family. Why would I want my friend to bring her flavor of the week guy and pay like 80$ for his dinner....add a few of these random guests and I could have hired a DJ (which I am not doing because I don't want to spend the money). Most of my friends have SOs anyways (some I have not met yet but still invited because I think that is fair- I am obviously engaged and my FIs friend did not invite me to their destination wedding which I thought was ridiculous) However, there is no one coming that doesn't have a group of friends to hang out with or room with (it helps we aren't at an AI with a singles rate). My feelings are- bring whoever you want! just tell them to do their own thing from 5:30 pm to 1:30 am on the night of the wedding (actually, they could prob sneak in right after dinner and I would be cool with it as long as I am not getting charged)......I really think it would not be too hard to get some room service, chill on the deck, read, and watch a movie for a few hours if my friend absolutely had to bring a guest that was not an established SO.

[calgarybride2015]

I am in the minority I guess on this...I look at it as...it is our wedding and we are spending the money for everyone that night, and with a budget I cannot invite a ton of people which random +1s are taking away from my actual friends and family. Why would I want my friend to bring her flavor of the week guy and pay like 80$ for his dinner....add a few of these random guests and I could have hired a DJ (which I am not doing because I don't want to spend the money). Most of my friends have SOs anyways (some I have not met yet but still invited because I think that is fair- I am obviously engaged and my FIs friend did not invite me to their destination wedding which I thought was ridiculous) However, there is no one coming that doesn't have a group of friends to hang out with or room with (it helps we aren't at an AI with a singles rate). My feelings are- bring whoever you want! just tell them to do their own thing from 5:30 pm to 1:30 am on the night of the wedding (actually, they could prob sneak in right after dinner and I would be cool with it as long as I am not getting charged)......I really think it would not be too hard to get some room service, chill on the deck, read, and watch a movie for a few hours if my friend absolutely had to bring a guest that was not an established SO.

 

The issue is that it doesn't sound like his girlfriend is a 'flavor of the week'.  In all fairness, you are going to Mexico, you don't just ask someone of a week or two, or a couple months for that matter to join you for a week get-a-way. Generally people would only invite someone if the relationship has been established.  Maybe that's just me, but I would never, ever ask someone to come to Mexico with me for a week if I hadn't known them for months beforehand.    You also have to trust your friend's judgement - flavor of the week sounds so tasteless (hahaha I could think of another word I want to use but it may be ban!)...

Edited November 11, 2014 by calgarybride2015

[nadiakat17]

Haha I see what you are saying. I was just joking around, but seriously, the specific friend I am I guess referencing is the type to invite a random guy last minute. But other than that less likely scenario, it would be the friend who wants to invite their other friend to come with to the wedding which starts to get kind of annoying. It would be nice for the singles I am inviting to be able to mingle with each other. The most classless thing I have seen before at a wedding was a girl who brought her friend who was specifically not invited by the bride to the wedding. I don't see any of this being an issue for my wedding though because I am pretty liberal with the plus ones (for example my friend may come who just started dating a girl and if they are still together, that is fine to bring her), the singles that aren't getting plus ones don't seem to care, and if they did care, I hope we are close enough they could just ask me.

[calgarybride2015]

Haha I see what you are saying. I was just joking around, but seriously, the specific friend I am I guess referencing is the type to invite a random guy last minute. But other than that less likely scenario, it would be the friend who wants to invite their other friend to come with to the wedding which starts to get kind of annoying. It would be nice for the singles I am inviting to be able to mingle with each other. The most classless thing I have seen before at a wedding was a girl who brought her friend who was specifically not invited by the bride to the wedding. I don't see any of this being an issue for my wedding though because I am pretty liberal with the plus ones (for example my friend may come who just started dating a girl and if they are still together, that is fine to bring her), the singles that aren't getting plus ones don't seem to care, and if they did care, I hope we are close enough they could just ask me.

 

I totally understand, just giving my opinion!!   And OMG, I know someone who just married who's friend brought a girlfriend as a plus one who wasn't invited to the wedding. She was pissed and I was floored someone would do that. Wouldn't you stop and question why this person wasn't invited in the first place and/or maybe ask the bride if that was ok?!?   

 

But I do totally get it - I offered everyone a plus one, whoever you wanted it to be because I knew that potentially people wouldn't come if they had to come alone for various reasons.  I had a small 'scare' with my friend who is trying to find a boyfriend.... she asked me if dating for 2 weeks was too soon to ask him. UMMM yes!! I told her atleast 3-4 months, but I knew she didn't have that time as my RSVP deadline was only like 1.5 months away.  I won that battle (and they are no longer dating!!), but on the flip side I have never met my sister's boyfriend and he is coming!

Edited November 11, 2014 by calgarybride2015

[jeffandrobyn]

If this were a wedding at home and the couple didn't invite you with a plus one I could kind of understand. Kind of. And that's only if it is a new relationship, not an established one. However, asking you to travel for a DW is a huge ask, we all know this. And given the fact that you are spending several hundred, if not thousands, to celebrate I feel like the couple could suck up the $100 or so that your date costs. Especially if there aren't a ton of plus ones overall. I would def talk to your friend for clarification.

[rachelia160]

I definitely don't think you're in the wrong.  I understand not allowing plus 1's at an at home ceremony, but if you're going to ask someone to pay over a thousand dollars to be at your wedding, they should be able to bring a travel buddy, and since they should be able to bring a travel buddy, that person should be invited to the wedding and not left alone in the hotel room. If your friend is asking people to stick their neck out to come to the wedding, they should stick their neck out for you, too! (Not that being asked to go on a tropical vacation is THAT big of a burden, but still

[acw271011]

Sorry ladies. I'm old and old fashioned. If you're going to invite someone to a wedding I think you have to make the allowance for them to bring a guest. Unless you know absolutely for certain there is no chance of that person having a partner of some kind to bring then assume they will and count them in. And if you have to exclude the +1 from wedding activities, then don't invite them. we just went through that with a friend's daughter in the summer. my sister was invited but told she couldn't bring the guy she is seeing because the numbers were too tight for the location. justifiably, my sister refused to go. I agree with Calgary bride. You aren't going to invite a flavour of the week on a week long vacation trip with you (well actually there are people that would) but even if it has only been a month for the couple, you have to provide the option. I know many things have changed over the years but etiquette and good manners never go out of style!