Invited To Destination Wedding, Guest Allowed, But Not To Ceremony?

[ShawnJC1]

Hi,

 

My friend is having a destination wedding in Mexico in late spring 2015. I have known him for over 10 years and consider him a very good friend. As we were talking about his wedding, he said that he'd have no problem with me bringing a significant other to the resort (I'm in a relatively new relationship) but that she couldn't come to the ceremony. He said this "matter-of-factly" as though it wasn't a huge deal. To me that seems kind of cheesy that you would say that I could bring my significant other with me but that she won't be able to go to the ceremony. I'm paying for flight, resort, all-inclusive fee for two people and then she can't accompany me to the ceremony on the resort grounds? Is he wrong here or am I? It's not a huge deal but I was wondering what the etiquette is here? Thanks!

[NJBride2014]

@@ShawnJC1 does that also mean she can't go to the reception?  I know for some resorts even for all inclusives the bride and groom has to pay per person per event if they are private, so that could mean extra for a chair at the ceremony, cocktail hour and dinner so this could be why.  Were you invited to the wedding with a guest? If yes than I would also be a little taken aback as to why you couldn't bring your significant other to the ceremony.  Personally I knew it was a lot to ask people to come to Mexico for my wedding so anyone who wanted to bring a guest to vacation with them was also invited/welcomed to the wedding.  I would ask your buddy again if you can bring your date and get some clarification. 

[calgarybride2015]

Hey! If you are sure he means they are not welcome at any wedding events I'd be upset too. When we decided on a DW we knew we'd offer out a plus one to everyone for a couple reasons - booking as a double room is cheaper and then you have someone with you that you know and are comfortable with.I couldn't imagine not letting people bring a plus one when they are dishing out so much money to go. We are paying per person as well, and it's just something I didn't think twice about.

 

Maybe that was his way of just saying 'plus ones at the wedding aren't allowed' but it came out wrong?!? I'd clarify and go from there.

You don't need his permission to bring someone with you to Mexico, so I feel this was  way of saying that you aren't able to bring a guest to the wedding....so you need to clarify and decide how you feel about the situation.

Good luck!

Edited November 3, 2014 by calgarybride2015

[VegasBride121314]

That's horrible! He's wrong!!! How can you invite someone to a destination wedding but their guest is not allowed to attend. It stinks! I would decline the invite just out of principle! It may be helpful to get a solid answer from him that can only be interpreted one way. That way, you can decide whether or not you want to make the investment or spend the money stateside with your new boo thang!!  Good Luck!!

[Megg]

Maybe I'm just a terrible person, but I don't have problem with his request. If it's a small wedding and there was no plus one on the invite, then he has the right not to want this person he may not know that well. People who are looking for an intimate ceremony may not feel comfortable with a person there who isn't a close family member or friend. A lot of people choose destination weddings because they want to be surrounded by the people that mean the most to the them and have that obligation to invite a lot of people feel when having weddings at home.

[kmk2016]

I don't think you can ask someone to spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars to attend your wedding and then tell them they can't bring a date. If you are inviting someone to your DW- and know full well they are a "couple"... Then the couple should be invited- sorry- if I wasn't allowed to bring my partner to a wedding after I spent a lot of money to be there to celebrate alongside them, I would send my regrets.

[acw271011]

I have to agree on the side of wondering what the heck? Did your invite stipulate that it could be you and a guest? If so, then absolutely if I was being asked to spend all that money then I would expect that my partner would be able to attend the ceremony and other wedding events. Otherwise my answer would be no way! Sorry - but in my book that's just rude.

[TinkerSofi]

I would be taken aback as well but definitely clarify as to whether people are just not allowed a plus one. The couple usually needs to pay for the wedding on a per person basis and maybe they decided that no plus ones were allowed due to budget constraints. I mean it sucks, but you can kind of understand. We were going to do that at first but when we saw how much it costs for single occupancy vs. double we gave everyone a plus one, but I know not everyone can do that. Also sometimes trying to convince them to make an exception helps . If you guys have been friends forever Maybe he can bend the budget a little to accommodate your girlfriend. We've done a few exception for people in certain areas.

 

 

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[smileitseb]

So I am one of those people that are not allowing random plus 1s. We chose a destination wedding because we want only the people we are close with to be there and share the moment with us. I am allowing majority of people to have plus 1s (specifically if you are in a relationship or if you know no one else coming) but if you are single and have been since we've met and you want to bring some random date to our wedding, I'm not allowing. Especially if the rest of our single friends are going and you can easily room with them. (One of my friends just broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to bring one of his buddies that I don't know in her place.....why?) I tell my single friends that tactfully and let them make the decision if they want to come or not. Ultimately, its our wedding, our budget, and its about me and my fiance

[TinkerSofi]

So I am one of those people that are not allowing random plus 1s. We chose a destination wedding because we want only the people we are close with to be there and share the moment with us. I am allowing majority of people to have plus 1s (specifically if you are in a relationship or if you know no one else coming) but if you are single and have been since we've met and you want to bring some random date to our wedding, I'm not allowing. Especially if the rest of our single friends are going and you can easily room with them. (One of my friends just broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to bring one of his buddies that I don't know in her place.....why?) I tell my single friends that tactfully and let them make the decision if they want to come or not. Ultimately, its our wedding, our budget, and its about me and my fiance

We sort of did the same thing. one of my friends broke up with her boyfriend so I told her to bring someone else if she wanted. For us it's really the minority that are single so it wasn't a huge stretch for us but I can understand if half of your friends are single it adds up quickly and half your wedding costs end up being for random people.

 

 

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