The Control Freak Mother In Law

[amanda2016]

Well ladies.. I was hoping it wouldn't come down to this but it has. We have changed our date 3 times, have changed the venue that we both like to one that would be good for kids (which we don't have any yet), She also hasn't like any of the templates for the save the date that my FI and I put together. I sent the link to our website to her just to get her opinion as I am trying to be super nice and make her feel as if she is apart of the process. She unfortunately will not see her daughter get married as she is piece of work and will never find a man that could deal with her CRAZINESS..So I have been trying to involve the mother in law as much as possible. Anyways after sending her the wedding website she emailed me back and asked me if there was other templates to work with as she had something else in mind. Something bright and fun.. I asked her if she wouldn't mind to send me what she had in mind and the stuff she sent was HORRIBLE.. I just don't know how to deal with her anymore. My fiance and I decided on the 11th of October but after he talk to him mother she requested we make it 10-10 as she thought it would be easier for us to remember.. REALLY!!!!! I can't..

 

The mother is just the beginning.. The sister in Law and neice are a story for another time. Any advice from you ladies would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks for reading.

[kmk2016]

Thank her for her input and do what you and your FI want. Stop including her in things...it's not her wedding it's yours.

 

if she pushes for information, have your FI stand up to her and say that you guys have the planning process covered here on out.

 

Is she paying for the wedding? If not- then she has no say. I would stop asking for her opinion... Even if you are only trying to be nice!

[amanda2016]

Thank her for her input and do what you and your FI want. Stop including her in things...it's not her wedding it's yours.

 

if she pushes for information, have your FI stand up to her and say that you guys have the planning process covered here on out.

 

Is she paying for the wedding? If not- then she has no say. I would stop asking for her opinion... Even if you are only trying to be nice!

 

You are so right.. As far as I know she isn't paying for the wedding.. HAHA- that made me remember she said in the very beginning "If you decide on Mexico I am not coming." Damnit.. We should have picked mexico!! LOL just kidding. She is very controlling in every sistuation.. My fiance is a bit stand offish when it comes to standing up to her. She is so use to getting her way and will pull out all stops until she gets what she wants. I told the Fiance last night that I am getting to the point where I no longer care if she like something or will even attend. I know I sounded really harsh when I said it but it's the truth. I think it kind of hurt his feelings but Damn.. This is our day.. I want it to be everything WE want not what her vision is.

I am just going to have to stand up to her and tell her I have everything under control and I really appreciate her opinion.

Thanks for the response and I really hope when the time comes I can be strong.

She is a scary one! =)

[kmk2016]

You are so right.. As far as I know she isn't paying for the wedding.. HAHA- that made me remember she said in the very beginning "If you decide on Mexico I am not coming." Damnit.. We should have picked mexico!! LOL just kidding. She is very controlling in every sistuation.. My fiance is a bit stand offish when it comes to standing up to her. She is so use to getting her way and will pull out all stops until she gets what she wants. I told the Fiance last night that I am getting to the point where I no longer care if she like something or will even attend. I know I sounded really harsh when I said it but it's the truth. I think it kind of hurt his feelings but Damn.. This is our day.. I want it to be everything WE want not what her vision is.

I am just going to have to stand up to her and tell her I have everything under control and I really appreciate her opinion.

Thanks for the response and I really hope when the time comes I can be strong.

She is a scary one! =)

Your FI needs to be strong too- this is as much his "fight" as yours.... He needs to stand up to her and protect you, your relationship and your (FI & you) decisions. You don't want to start the marriage with your mil getting the impression that you are "mean" because if didn't put his foot down with her and defend you. His priority needs to be you and him.... It's no longer about doing what mommy wants.

 

Just don't engage her in any more of the process... Or give her a job that doesn't mean as much to you... Or that won't impact your vision and have her work on that project so she feels important, but one that has no creative control.

 

I dealt with this in my first marriage and in the end I was the bad guy since my then-DH didn't know how to say no to his mother, making it look like I was pushing him to decisions that were mine and not ours (he would appease his mom- which to someone who was controlling like herself, was taken as him siding with her and making me stand alone in defending OUR decisions.) It's even more important for a healthy marriage (and a happy and wonderful wedding celebration), that he doesn't just speak up/agree with you when you are alone... But also in front of his mom!

Edited October 21, 2014 by kmk2016

[calgarybride2015]

I agree with the ladies above!

 

This is a day for you and your fiance, and it should reflect you, noone else.

I would hate for any of us to look back and be disappointed in our choices because we were pleasing everyone else except ourselves.

 

I would just not include her in things.  Don't email her things to ask for her opinion, because you are just allowing her response.  Why not do what you two want to do, then send her the final product?  Or better yet, just let her wait until it comes in the mail or whatever.

 

Find something small that doesn't mean as much to you that you can include her in, if you feel the need.  But remember this is your day, NOT HERS! and don't feel bad, especially if she is not paying -- and you should know this!!!.  Your fiance needs to learn to stand up to her, because from her on out it's about you two and your new family.

 

Good luck

[cfinkenbine]

I am so lucky that I have a great mother in law to be, and she helps me with EVERY detail of my wedding. I am not close to my step mom however, but to make her feel included, I normally show her things AFTER the fact of making decisions. I sent her my website when it was done, I have offered to have her hair and make up done with the team we hired, I hired a DJ and then asked her to give me ideas for songs for them to play, etc. It is an easy answer to say, oh we have already made the decision and it cannot be changed now. Also, tell your FI he does need to stick up for the both of you! Mothers and mother in laws are important, but their opinion is not more important than the bride and groom! Good luck

[amanda2016]

Thank you ladies for the responses. I guess i know what i need to do.. Going to talk to the fiance tonight and set in stone how I feel and how I think we should move forward. Hopefully he agrees.

[acw271011]

Thank her for her input and do what you and your FI want. Stop including her in things...it's not her wedding it's yours.

 

if she pushes for information, have your FI stand up to her and say that you guys have the planning process covered here on out.

 

Is she paying for the wedding? If not- then she has no say. I would stop asking for her opinion... Even if you are only trying to be nice!

 

Bang on Kim. I totally agree. There being nice then there is bending over backwards. You can tell her the plans are well in hand with a smile on your face. That's being nice and as nice as you need to be. Do what you both want and just let her know after the fact. If she doesn't like it, tough.

 

Good luck!

[jeffandrobyn]

Your heart is in the right place but I think you need to squash this. Is she paying? If not....no pay no say.