Sorry, Mom! You Can't Be Involved In Everything.

[Maggietron]

I live in SK. My family and bridesmaids live in Ontario.  I have a trip home planned for this November, likely my only trip before the wedding next fall. I asked my bridesmaids (one sister and two friends) to book off the Saturday so we could go shopping in Michigan. I asked them not to tell anyone because I wanted it to just be us. I talked to my mother a few days later and told her that I would be going shopping with my bridesmaids on the Saturday and that we could go shopping in my hometown another day when she's free. 

 

Fifteen minutes ago, I booked an appt at David's Bridal and forwarded the email confirmation to my bridesmaids. My sister lives with my mother and apparently told her about it IMMEDIATELY because within two minutes I have my sister on the phone telling me that I've upset my mother by not inviting her and she's feeling left out. 

 

This may sound callous, but I am not going to be responsible for my mother's feelings. I told her that this was happening months ago when I booked the trip. I told her that we would go shopping together on another day, but that Saturday was a day for me to spend with my bridesmaids. She knew all of this. I am not going to apologize for spending time with my friends. 

 

She also pulled this for mother's day last year. She apparently told each of my siblings individually how upset she was that I hadn't called her. She ignored the fact that 

 

1. I sent her a gift

2. I sent her an email

3. I always call her on sunday evenings AFTER dinner

4. SHE WASN'T EVEN HOME WHEN I CALLED FOR HER.

 

When my older sister got married, she tried to talk her into letting both parents walk her down the aisle so she wouldn't be "Excluded"

 

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

[calgarybride2015]

I live in SK. My family and bridesmaids live in Ontario. I have a trip home planned for this November, likely my only trip before the wedding next fall. I asked my bridesmaids (one sister and two friends) to book off the Saturday so we could go shopping in Michigan. I asked them not to tell anyone because I wanted it to just be us. I talked to my mother a few days later and told her that I would be going shopping with my bridesmaids on the Saturday and that we could go shopping in my hometown another day when she's free.

 

Fifteen minutes ago, I booked an appt at David's Bridal and forwarded the email confirmation to my bridesmaids. My sister lives with my mother and apparently told her about it IMMEDIATELY because within two minutes I have my sister on the phone telling me that I've upset my mother by not inviting her and she's feeling left out.

 

This may sound callous, but I am not going to be responsible for my mother's feelings. I told her that this was happening months ago when I booked the trip. I told her that we would go shopping together on another day, but that Saturday was a day for me to spend with my bridesmaids. She knew all of this. I am not going to apologize for spending time with my friends.

 

She also pulled this for mother's day last year. She apparently told each of my siblings individually how upset she was that I hadn't called her. She ignored the fact that

 

1. I sent her a gift

2. I sent her an email

3. I always call her on sunday evenings AFTER dinner

4. SHE WASN'T EVEN HOME WHEN I CALLED FOR HER.

 

When my older sister got married, she tried to talk her into letting both parents walk her down the aisle so she wouldn't be "Excluded"

 

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

I don't know what it is about weddings and drama but you've done your part to tell her what you are up too and include her at another time. Stick to your guns. You've done nothing wrong.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Maggietron]

Thanks, @@calgarybride2015. My older sister is on her side because apparently they consider David's Bridal to be the bridal store to end all bridal stores and don't consider it possible that I can go there and not end up immediately buying the dress, and therefore if I don't invite my mother she will miss out on everything! The whole purpose of this trip was to look at bridesmaid dresses, we're only going to look at gowns if when I get down there all three bridesmaids like the convertible dress I bought.

[acw271011]

I'm with Kim. Stick to your guns. If you have a "private" mom session planned then go with that and see your friends separately.

[DebbieSmith]

It can be exceedingly frustrating if people think that they somehow have to be involved in every minute detail of the wedding. I think that you ultimately have to remember that this is YOUR day, and even though I always think it is important to keep people happy…you can’t do that if it makes you uncomfortable. 

[Maggietron]

I'm considering a compromise. One of my bridesmaids dropped out because she just started a new job. I can go over with the best woman in the morning, check out the brides project, then go grab some lunch. My sister and mother can come out in the afternoon and meet us at David's Bridal in the afternoon after my sister gets off work.  They can even invite my older sister along, since my older sister and mother are the ones who are so damn convinced that I'm going to find *the dress* at David's Bridal, since the prices are *soooo amazing* that how could I not?

[cfinkenbine]

That is very unfortunate you are having family problems! I have never really known my mom (raised by my dad)…and I lucked out. I have the BEST mother in law anyone could ever ask her. I literally get any and ALL advice regarding my wedding and everyday problems from her. Hope everything works out for you, and I agree…you've done nothing wrong!