Pressure To Have Ath

[GingerBride]

We keep getting asked the same question. I always say no, it's not in the plan. The response is you should really think about it, not everyone can go.

 

I'm sorry not everyone can go but our choice was a DW. The one person who can't that I wish could be there is my Grandmother. So we are going to be married legally at city hall and she will be my witness ☺️ She loves this idea!

[TinkerSofi]

We keep getting asked the same question. I always say no, it's not in the plan. The response is you should really think about it, not everyone can go.

 

I'm sorry not everyone can go but our choice was a DW. The one person who can't that I wish could be there is my Grandmother. So we are going to be married legally at city hall and she will be my witness ☺️ She loves this idea!

exactly. I find a lot of people don't quite understand that a DW is still a wedding (in more aspects that just people attending or not). Others also think that a DW is so cheap that you can totally afford an AHR. No one knows that DW can also be expensive! and that the whole point was to save money in the first place haha. 

[cometgirl]

We are having an AHR as neither sets of my grandparents are able to make it and half of my extended family was not invited to Mexico, but it will be a super casual affair. Backyard BBQ at my parents house. We will supply a certain amount and type of booze but if you want something else, bring it yourself.  And then we will have a bunch of appies etc. My dad is a pastor of a church, so he will legally marry us about half hour before the party starts with our immediate family and grandparents. Then during the party we will just have a slideshow.

[palmtree99]

Same here! I keep telling my family no and they continue to push it. The purpose of eloping and having a super small wedding for me is to avoid the large party and planning!

[Kayla88]

I had originally said I wouldn't but my FI wants to do one for each of our families. However with the lack if support of our DW is currently getting to me. Every time our wedding is mentioned the word selfish is brought up.....so I may need to back down and hold two AHR. One in Alberta for his family and one in NS for mine... Looks like my less stress, small, cost effective wedding may turn into a big event. If we do the art We will only be doing a BBQ type thing, very informal where guest can come and go as they please.

[TinkerSofi]

I had originally said I wouldn't but my FI wants to do one for each of our families. However with the lack if support of our DW is currently getting to me. Every time our wedding is mentioned the word selfish is brought up.....so I may need to back down and hold two AHR. One in Alberta for his family and one in NS for mine... Looks like my less stress, small, cost effective wedding may turn into a big event. If we do the art We will only be doing a BBQ type thing, very informal where guest can come and go as they please.

I really hate it when people call you selfish for having a destination wedding. First off, you're inviting people, doesn't mean that they have to go. Second, most people will take a vacation in the next year, and as far as costs go, an AI is one of the most cost effective vacation options out there. People don't usually account for the fact that when you go somewhere else the flight and hotel might be cheaper, but then you need to factor in food, drinks, what you're going to do there, etc. It adds up to being about the same or more. At an AI,iIf you really have no more money after paying for trips you can easily stay at the hotel the whole week and still have a great time. I find that comment just as offensive as if someone were to invite me to their wedding and me making the comment "What a trashy venue" or something like that. Totally rude and out of place.  

[calgarybride2015]

I really hate it when people call you selfish for having a destination wedding. First off, you're inviting people, doesn't mean that they have to go. Second, most people will take a vacation in the next year, and as far as costs go, an AI is one of the most cost effective vacation options out there. People don't usually account for the fact that when you go somewhere else the flight and hotel might be cheaper, but then you need to factor in food, drinks, what you're going to do there, etc. It adds up to being about the same or more. At an AI,iIf you really have no more money after paying for trips you can easily stay at the hotel the whole week and still have a great time. I find that comment just as offensive as if someone were to invite me to their wedding and me making the comment "What a trashy venue" or something like that. Totally rude and out of place.

Agree 100%.

If you want an AHR yourself then I say go for it. When you feel pressured by people who don't want to attend your wedding it bugs me. Lol. As TinkerSofi said before - would you have a second reception if you married in your home town/country for people who couldn't attend that one either? Probably not. Thankfully noone is asking us for one.

 

 

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[kmk2016]

Why do people feel they have any say on a celebration YOU are hosting (or not hosting)?? I guess I kinda get if a parent wants to host a party to celebrate your wedding so they can invite all their friends and show you off... And subsequently pay for the reception... But for randoms having ANY opinion on your big day or the way you plan on celebrating is beyond me.

 

Only pressure I would listen too would be parents- and if I truly didn't want a AHR I would have no problems putting my foot down and saying no. Thankfully my family hasn't pushed for one, and everyone has been uber supportive of our DW.

[Kayla88]

I really hate it when people call you selfish for having a destination wedding. First off, you're inviting people, doesn't mean that they have to go. Second, most people will take a vacation in the next year, and as far as costs go, an AI is one of the most cost effective vacation options out there. People don't usually account for the fact that when you go somewhere else the flight and hotel might be cheaper, but then you need to factor in food, drinks, what you're going to do there, etc. It adds up to being about the same or more. At an AI,iIf you really have no more money after paying for trips you can easily stay at the hotel the whole week and still have a great time. I find that comment just as offensive as if someone were to invite me to their wedding and me making the comment "What a trashy venue" or something like that. Totally rude and out of place.

 

That's exactly what I thought to. If I sent you an invitation it means I want you to be a part of my wedding. And it didn't matter where we decided to get married their would be flights,hotels, food, car rentals etc involved since we are both from different provinces. So a AI is much cheaper for everyone!

Why do people feel they have any say on a celebration YOU are hosting (or not hosting)?? I guess I kinda get if a parent wants to host a party to celebrate your wedding so they can invite all their friends and show you off... And subsequently pay for the reception... But for randoms having ANY opinion on your big day or the way you plan on celebrating is beyond me.

Only pressure I would listen too would be parents- and if I truly didn't want a AHR I would have no problems putting my foot down and saying no. Thankfully my family hasn't pushed for one, and everyone has been uber supportive of our DW.

I don't understand why people do that? It's my wedding so I think I should be able to decide some options I almost feel that since they aren't coming to the DW they want me to do all the most expensive parts of a at home wedding ( free meal or everyone).

 

I'm so glad that people are being so supportive of your DW! It must make everything so much easier! I'm starting to think the reason I'm having so many opinions is because I'm the first one in the family who will not be having the traditional wedding

[diadiamond]

I was definitely feeling the pressure, especially from my MIL.  She hasn't been accepting of our choice to have a destination wedding and she's been difficult from the start which is a little frustrating.  She kept pushing for an at home wedding until I told her about having an AHR and she became fixated on that instead.  Initially I wanted an AHR to celebrate with everyone who couldn't make it to my wedding, but after trying to plan it on my own I realized that the cost would pretty much be as much as my wedding alone!  Then there was the issue of when to have it I didn't want to do it right after we got back or around any major holidays.  I also didn't want to have too many events and keep asking people to take time off for my wedding.  

 

My MIL just decided to start planning it and pretty much just wanted to turn it into a wedding!  I got really frustrated because I felt that our wishes weren't being honoured.  I thanked her for her enthusiasm about our wedding and for coming up with great ideas and as much as we appreciate her input we would like to ultimately make the decisions.  

 

Anyways, long story short we are not having one now.