Possible Bridesmaid Dropout...

Lia33 · September 7, 2014

So one of my bridesmaids (currently resides in Japan) may not be able to attend as her military husband is getting new orders around the time of my wedding and they will need to move. Totally understandable. Although I'm a little peeved that she has yet to speak to me directly about it, has ignored my messages (I guess to avoid the topic until she knows more) but has told my MOH, who has then told me.

I do have another good friend who I have already asked to step in if this happened - I kind of feel bad about asking her to be a backup as I'm not sure if this is insulting since she wasn't first choice lol I did explain my reasoning as we were keeping it as 4 bridesmaids - 3 of my oldest friends and my soon to be sister in law. She is fine with this and seemed to understand. I have considered moving it to 5 bridesmaids but really want to keep it small and if my other friend really does drops out, I will end up with 4 and my FI will end up with 5 if he adds someone. We really want to keep it even.

Trying to decide at what point I should ask my other friend to step in! I bought the dress already for my friend in Japan but luckily my backup wears the same size lol Not sure if I should continue to wait or just remove my good friend from the bridal party. I guess since they wear the same size it's ok to wait a while and see. Then if she IS able to go last minute after I've removed her from the bridal party, I would like to have something special for her to do but I have no idea what!

Has anyone ever appointed people for special roles in the wedding? If so, what role did they play?

kmk2016 · September 7, 2014

Hmmmm as you know I "lost" a BM last week, and I could have easily replaced her with another friend who is already booked to attend and is a good friend- but I decided it didn't sit well with me to have someone be a replacement and instead went with one less.... I would just have a heart to heart with your friend in Japan and see if there is any chance she can still make it, if she thinks it's still possible- hold the spot. Since you already bought a dress, if she says she is definitely no longer possible, then maybe ask new friend then.

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MrsCtoB · September 7, 2014

ugh! I feel your pain. Same thing happened to me and the frustrating part is that I had to hear from others. I ended up talking to her about it...and it settled it and I could move on. I think you should probably just talk to her about it and maybe you will get a clearer answer and know what you want to do from there. I don't know if you plan on having readings at your ceremony but that's always a way to include people who aren't actually in the bridal party.

calgarybride2015 · September 7, 2014

I think there are plenty of special ways to include her. You could have her give a toast after the ceremony or at the reception. You could have her do a special reading, as above, if you are doing that. You could make her in charge of favors, or something important you need done, etc.

I think you should speak to her about it. Or leave it a bit until she tells you. I hate when we have to hear things thru someone else. You still have enough time to sleep on it for awhile.

Hugs! These situations are never easy, but the right thing to do will come to you at the right time.

PS - I know it would be hard to ask someone else, as you feel they would be a 'second choice'. I totally understand this 100%, but I don't think the person you are asking would be offended. I think they would be honored to be able to help out. I am not in the situation though, so I may feel differently looking outside in.

Edited September 7, 2014 by calgarybride2015