What To Do... Other People You Know Staying At Your Resort

[calgarybride2015]

So tonight my fiance finds out that one of our invites (his cousin and family) has her sister & husband coming to the resort so they can vacation together -- which is totally fine!. She knows she isn't invited to the wedding and doesn't mind, but fiance's mom says we should extend the offer to her and apparently she has told fiance's mom she is willing to foot the bill for her portion to come.

 

We explained that no one would have to pay to attend our wedding, but I told fiance I am torn on what to do. That I want some time to think about it.

 

You feel bad that she will be there and everyone is off enjoying your wedding,but on the flip side she wasn't invited!!!!   Our costs are about $70 per person, then all the OOT items, favors, etc.

 

I know it's only 2 more people, but we can't extend this to everyone, you know? Where do you draw the line. 

I guess I probably feel less bad than fiance as it is his side of the family not mine.

 

What would you do?

Anyone else been in this situation?

 

Thanks

[Lia33]

 @@calgarybride2015  I have not (hopefully won't be) in this situation. However, my fiancé has been to a few destination weddings and said that he has seen situations where some people turned it into a family vacation without being invited - but they didn't expect to attend the wedding. They would stay at the resort and do whatever they would do if they were just on vacation and they didn't seem bothered by it since going to the resort knowing they weren't invited was their choice. The wedding is just one day - surely they can entertain themselves for a day and hangout with everyone the other days. 

 

I can see where your FI's mom is coming from but I would be worried about that opening the door to other unexpected guests - leading to more unexpected expenses. Why should someone's choice to attend the resort knowingly uninvited have to result in additional expenses for you?

 

Then again, it isn't my family so it may be easier said than done. What does your FI think??

Edited August 21, 2014 by Lia33

[calgarybride2015]

I totally agree 100% and trust me, they are more than fine to do their own thing! Fiancé thinks that maybe this is just his own guilt he is taking on, you know?

 

His family is large and super close so all of fiance's side know her. So we will all hang out anyways.

 

Again though It's that cost to us and then who else? If you open that box you can't just pick and choose. It's got to be one or the other. Sigh. Neither of us know what to do - but going to guess he will want to extend the invite.

 

 

 

 

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[Lia33]

I'm sure he also doesn't want to be questioned about it - "oh so and so is here, how come they didn't attend the wedding....oh...so you two didn't invite them?", it can get awkward. It definitely sounds like he would just feel guilty knowing they are there, well known to his side of the family yet not allowed to partake in activities. I can understand that but I would have those concerns you mentioned. I think if you guys stick to reasoning like just being afraid of add ons if others did the same thing, trying to keep guest list down, financial constraints, etc then people would probably leave it alone. 

 

They should have kept it to themselves so it looks like last minute they decided to go! Then this way you wouldn't feel any obligation to add them. That's a toughy :/ 

[081114OVCUBA]

@@calgarybride2015

 

What a tough situation, no matter how you choose I'm sure it will either feel like the wrong decision or be 'perceived' as the wrong decision. I think this is a darned if you do, darned if you don't situation...

 

We had a bit of a similar situation happen right before our wedding last week...

 

My one Aunty decided that since her husband was not going to go with her she could invite one of her friends and RSVP for both of them.. (wasn't thrilled I had never met this person, nor was I asked if it was ok; but, whatever it wasn't worth any fight or drama so just went with it)... THEN 2 weeks before the wedding say all of a sudden her daughter was coming too and wanted to make sure there was room for her at the reception and on our group outing (AFTER I had already booked the tour for exactly 28 people (2 x 14passanger vans) and bought and made the OOT bags etc).

 

My FI was the one who helped me grow some kahunas and helped me stand my ground. I made a big fuss about how great it would be to see her and how happy I was she was able to come. I told her that there was for sure space at the reception (I still had 2 spots left which were included but not filled for the dinner) but that the group outing was full unless another guest was unable to go since it was already prebooked and only had enough spots for those I had already promised it too.

 

I never changed my plans and didn't go buy another OOT bag and goodies or make the personalized tag etc. I figured she could have our bag (it was the same as the rest but just had our names on the tags which could easily be removed).

 

2 days before the wedding my Aunty said my cousin was not coming as she decided she was going out of the country on another trip instead.

 

How happy was I that I didn't go out of my way to accommodate her last minute to have her not bother and rather be elsewhere.

 

FAMILY eh? What to do with 'em

[calgarybride2015]

Good for you for standing your ground but wow! 2 days before cancel after a last minute invite. I'd be highly annoyed. Hadn't she booked? Glad in the end it worked in your favor.

 

I understand giving singles the right to a guest. We all understand the single double rates etc but at some point that offer for a guest ends. You know? There is an RSVP date and if you want to push it, atleast ask!

 

Not sure what we will do!

 

Thanks for your post and can't wait to hear all about yours!!!!

 

 

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[081114OVCUBA]

Annoyed is a nice word for my initial reaction LOL... Irate... Peeved... Perplexed... Bridezilla... lol
 
Thank goodness I have a Hubby, then FI, who is good with these things and great with calming me down. He made me realize what was important in the moment and not to worry or stress about things out of my control - If more family wanted to come last minuet just appreciate and welcome it. If they just as quickly decide you are not worth it, don't fret or let it be personal. He made sure I got level headed quickly and could resume my bridal bliss and just enjoy the feeling of getting so close to our special day.
 
My Aunty, her husband, and 3 adult kids were all invited.. I didn't expect her to be a 'single' but for sure understood the single vs double pricing etc...  the real kicker here... Her and her guest didn't even share a room - they both booked singles! I really would have liked the curtsey of being asked (not that it would have made a difference tho)...
 
My cousin was apparently waiting for the price to drop, then when it did couldn't find a friend to go, then the price went up again so she decided to travel elsewhere with a youth group instead.

 

I can only imagine the tension this could cause, it's so hard to be fair/polite/political and juggle a budget. Maybe you could wait until the last minute until you know exactly who is coming (not set a precedence with time for others to follow) and if it is only those extra couple just cover it last minute?

[Lia33]

That sounds like a good idea! Leaves little opportunity for others to follow their lead. They also won't be expecting to be added on, it'll be a nice surprise if anything and gives you time to make sure you actually can without much hassle. And no tension or awkwardness.

[chelseapaige37]

We are in a similar situation - my fiancé just found out his cousins (who weren't invited) are going to be in pvr at the same time as us - staying at their condo . He invited a cousin ( who we are close to ) but not her sister (weird I know, but we never talk to them ) so it makes it extra awkward. Our rate is close to $100 pp so adding the 4 of them is an extra $400. Not a huge deal , but we chose not to invite them, but now feel like jerks. We haven't decided what to do, but I sort of feel obligated now ...

 

 

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[mckievme]

I am in a similar situation!

 

One of the reasons we wanted a destination wedding is because we wanted a small affair. We only invited 24 people for a reason!

 

When FI's parents told aunts, uncles, and cousins on a family vacation about our destination wedding a few weeks ago (btw, my fiance and I were not at this family vacation as we purposely avoided it!), apparently about 5 of them have banded together and decided to crash our wedding. Apparently they now have our wedding website and are making plans to come.

 

As annoying as this is, this is his family and I don't want to be that awful bride that asks them not to come. We have plenty of time before our April 2015 wedding to actually invite them and include them in all the festivities, but at the same time I don't want to have to pay for them as this would put us over the 25 limit and we would need to start paying per person. We also intend to book a catamaran snorkel tour, have welcome bags and gifts, etc so adding them would not just be a one time cost!