Guilt

[calgarybride2015]

I can't tell you how many tears I've shed over the exact same thing. I keep reminding myself that it doesn't matter who is there, it's about the two of us joining in marriage, as long as my fiancé is there everyone else is just a bonus....but that is easier said than done when some of my friends and family have said things I've found a little hurtful. I really need to stop taking everything to heart but that's not the kind of person I am. We've had people complain about the cost and I've also felt like I had to "sell" people on coming and others are really excited and are thinking of it as a vacation, which is what we want. A very wise bride said to me on here once- There are two things that bring out the best and worst in people: weddings and funerals. I find that to be totally true!

 

And having children!

[Brinley]

So many people struggle with the exact same thing.  Thanks for all the thoughts and insights.

[NickiLynn1116]

Don't feel guilty!  This is YOUR wedding day and this is how you want to do it.  The people that can't afford to come simply will not attend.  The hardest part is just realizing that you wont have everyone that you want to have there.  My fiance's father is on disability and not working so we told him we would pay for him.   But everyone else if they wanted to come the option was there, but we didn't want to force anyone to attend or put anyone into debt because of it.  We are having a joint shower so that everyone that can't attend can still celebrate with us at the shower.

[Jamaica2016]

I LOVE your post! I have a lot of the same reasoning as you! The only difference is that I AM being guilt tripped by both my mother and my FI's dad about the price. We keep telling them that they aren't required to be there and that we are planning to have it recorded to play at our reception when we return. I don't however understand why they are complaining about the price when, like you said, they take large trips every couple years AND they offered to help pay for a wedding if we have it locally...

Uh, well! I get to marry my best friend! I am happy as long as we are both there. Anyone else that comes is a nice little bonus! 

[carmor2]

I think that's the hardest part is trying to weigh having your dream wedding with not having everyone there. Like you I'm having a AHR so I have stopped feeling so guilty. The only one that stings is that my FI Best Man is probably not coming so I'm not sure what our wedding party will look like.

[rachelia160]

I feel a lot of guilt over the fact that my grandparents can't be there, even though they'll be attending the legal ceremony before we go.   Anyone else?

 

As far as the cost factor, it crossed my mind, but my FI and I have made it very clear since we began talking about the wedding that no one should feel obligated to go or bad if they can't go.  When people have regretfully told me that they wouldn't be able to make it, I just get them really pumped up about the AHR!

 

The people that are taking the time and money to go to our wedding are SUPER excited, so I don't feel a whole lot of guilt there! But I do think it's important to take the time to make the week special for them with little extras when they're investing that much time and money into you.  Planning little (non-mandatory) get togethers throughout the week, having a nice welcome bag and favors, spending time with each of your guests throughout the week, seeing them off to the airport if you can...that helps to show that you don't take their generosity for granted.

[TinkerSofi]

I feel a lot of guilt over the fact that my grandparents can't be there, even though they'll be attending the legal ceremony before we go.   Anyone else?

 

As far as the cost factor, it crossed my mind, but my FI and I have made it very clear since we began talking about the wedding that no one should feel obligated to go or bad if they can't go.  When people have regretfully told me that they wouldn't be able to make it, I just get them really pumped up about the AHR!

 

The people that are taking the time and money to go to our wedding are SUPER excited, so I don't feel a whole lot of guilt there! But I do think it's important to take the time to make the week special for them with little extras when they're investing that much time and money into you.  Planning little (non-mandatory) get togethers throughout the week, having a nice welcome bag and favors, spending time with each of your guests throughout the week, seeing them off to the airport if you can...that helps to show that you don't take their generosity for granted.

I feel the same guilt about my grandparents not being able to come. They're all the way down in Argentina and when we started planning I chose my friends and fiance's family vs. my extended family and that kind of makes me feel like an ass. Basically if I did it in Argentina none of our friends would have been able to come, and it would have been difficult/impossible for my fiance's family as well so we chose Mexico. We will be having a reception in Argentina next year . 

[rachelia160]

@@TinkerSofi That sounds like the best of both worlds! At the end of the day, you're not going to be able to make EVERYONE happy, so I think the couple reserves the right to be a teeny bit selfish and choose what makes them happiest

[Wrathwitch]

FWIW,

 

I think you are being more than generous in your helping of guests and reducing costs. Do not set yourself up to be too deep into the red after this wedding, it is not a good way to start a marriage.

 

Enjoy your dream! It's coming up soon! Mine is next week! Mind you I kept my costs down massively compared to yours. My wedding will be very small and I told my MoH to wear whatever she wants as long as it's not the same colour as my dress haha! Same with my mom and friend, I told them to wear what they want. Definately cuts down on dress cost haha!

 

No one can make you feel less guilt, I wish I could. If you can try to let the negative emotion go as soon as you feel it and try to replace it with a positive image (being on a warm beach with those you love around you) do that. As soon as you feel the bad, replace it with a positive image. There is no constructive quality to feeling bad about this. Channel your energy to positive and it will keep you healthy and happy.

 

Have a great wedding!

 

Shani

[Msmimi]

Thank you for sharing.