Guilt

[carmor2]

Hi all,

 

I have gone back and forth on if my fiancé and I have made the right decision to have a DW. I am feeling a tremendous amount of guilt asking people to spend ~$2000.00 to come to our wedding. I feel guiltier then when I think about my BM's who will be spending an additional amount for dresses etc. This post though is more about how I'm overcoming all of this guilt...

 

The way I have decided to look at it is:

• 90% of my family does some type of tropical or other vacation at least every two years if not every year or more.
• Nobody HAS to come except my fiancé and I.
• We have spent a lot to attend other people's weddings/bridal showers/baby showers etc. and did not feel resentful to those people at all as it was always our choice.
• We will also be having an AHR so those who can't or just won't come can chose to come to the AHR to celebrate without the financial obligation.
• For the people who we really want there who cannot afford it we have offered to pay for all or part of their trip.
• I cannot control the price of flights and hotels in Mexico or anywhere else!
• Lastly it's our wedding, my dream has been to get married on a beach with the sunset, drink tropical drinks, eat good food, and enjoy time with my family and friends.

So if anyone else out there is feeling this guilt (keep in mind nobody has said anything to me that has made me feel guilty this is all on my own!) I hope this helps you.

Edited August 15, 2014 by carmor2

[nadiakat17]

yes this is the way I look at it too. If they really don't want to go, don't go! no one is forcing them. 

we are also paying for some friend's rooms

[veryvalentine]

I think this is a great post.  I initially felt like I needed to sell my wedding and defend why it's gonna be so fun...now I'm more of the attitude like you where I know I will be there and my FI will be there...everyone else will be a pleasant bonus!    No expectations.

[nadiakat17]

yeah the way I looked at it, we would be happy if it was just us and our parents and siblings

[ksylve]

I can relate. I started feeling that way too. One of my guest actually said, if they want to be there, they will. If not, they won't. It's your day. I am trying to keep it under a cap of 2200 per couple and we are paying for wedding attire. It's only one MOH and BM but still. We are doing a home reception too later. I think we bring this pressure on ourselves! We have to let that go. Wooo-saaa! Lol

[kmk2016]

I was sooo worried too- but it turns out I had several people say "what a great price you got us" when looking at a $2000/pp price for the week. Lol.... I know it's a lot of money and some may not be able to come because of the cost, but so far no one has said anything and people are booking quickly (61 ppl so far and we are 18 months away!)

 

I do feel guilty though still- so We are paying for all the bridal party clothing (5 on each side) and am planning a few extra events for our guests and making OOT bags etc, we really want to spoil everyone who decides to come, and hopefully that will ease my guilt!

[nadiakat17]

i also want to do a lot of extra things for my guests, so they will look at this trip as a trip of a lifetime!

[calgarybride2015]

Great post

 

I think at one point or another we all struggle with the guilt.

 

Like your family, my side are seasoned travelers, but my fiance's side aren't. Other than his dad digging in his heels (he did eventually RSVP and pay his deposit) they are all super excited to see what an AI is all about.  I am pretty sure they will be travelling for years to come.

 

With respect to the price we only had one person really be rude about it.  'I have been to Mexico before and never spent $1500'  well sorry lady but you haven't been to Mexico lately then!  Thankfully she said no - she was more an invite by technicality and we are super glad she isn't coming.   

 

I also felt guilt with respect to the cost of the BPs attire.  The men got their outfits for about $70 but the only dresses I could find that I liked were $160 so I helped the BMs pay for them.  They didn't want it, they didn't care - but I insisted because it made me feel better! 

 

It is our day and I think more people realize that then we give them credit for. A lot of this guilt is our own, but just remember you will look back on your beautiful wedding day and be glad you did it the way YOU wanted.

[carmor2]

I am so glad that I am not the only one! In our families it's my family who is well travelled, most of his don't have their passports. The most surprising part to me is that his family doesn't seem surprised about the price at all. I just hope once we get official prices/dates then people don't start searching on expedia... I'm sure they will I just don't want to hear about how they could get a cheaper deal elsewhere lol.

Edited August 15, 2014 by carmor2

[nadiakat17]

Right, you could always get a good deal somewhere, but usually you get what you pay for. I probably speak for everyone when I say we did a lot of research and work into getting a good place with a decent price.