To Ask Bridesmaids Before Or After Rsvp

[peachykeen159]

Hello, 

 

Did you ask your bridesmaids before or after they had RSVP'd? I feel like if you ask before, there is that pressure for them to go but if you do it after then you know if they were planning on coming anyways and it makes it easier to pick from your friends already coming. I have had a couple of people tell me it would be better to ask before because friends who assumed they would be bridesmaids might get offended when invitations go out and they haven't been asked yet. 

[kmk2016]

I asked before but had thrown the idea of a DW to them before hand and knew they were coming. I did however not ask my flower girl before RSVP came in since I didn't want to pressure our friend/family to bring their children and the added expense of doing so. I waited until RSVP was in and knew they were bringing their child before asking flower girl. All others in party knew before hand.

[calgarybride2015]

I did it after because I didn't want anyone to feel pressure! I didn't wait until deposits were paid though. Once I threw out that we were having a DW and and knew they'd come I asked.

 

But unless you wait until they pay you may find some still don't come.

 

So many ways to do it

 

Edit. I didn't have anyone who assumed they would. Well not sure?? Haha. One I would have asked straight out RSVP or not but she hasn't talked to me since I got engaged so that solved that. Sigh

 

 

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Edited August 5, 2014 by calgarybride2015

[nadiakat17]

We are still undecided if we want to have more than just our siblings (who obviously are coming)- the only other person I asked was my best friend bc I knew she was definitely coming. I was waiting to decide who for sure was coming before asking more (for example, one of my good friends doesn't know if her husband will still have his job in a few months so not sure if they will have funds for the trip). I actually had one friend that I had considered asking tell me there is no way she will be able to make it a few months after I announced where we were getting married- so I struggle a bit that maybe if I had asked her before, she would have made more of an effort to come? But then I wouldn't want to rope people into coming. I think in the end it might just be easier to have the people I listed above (best friend and siblings) so we don't feel pressured to figure out bridesmaid dresses and things like that more last minute when people actually have to RSVP

[tygrrlily]

We asked before, but to people we thought were coming for sure. But my MOH is now pregnant and probably not coming, so I'm not sure if I'm going to have someone fill in to even the numbers or if we just leave it

[Icis]

I did it after as well because I didn't want to pressure to come to our wedding just because I asked them to be the BMs. 

[MrsCtoB]

I asked before RSVP's but we knew we were having a destination wedding soon after we got engaged and spread the word. Luckily, all the BMs that I asked expressed interest from the beginning, before knowing they would be in the bridal party. I made it very clear to all that there would be no hard feelings if they couldn't attend. Eventually, deposits for rooms are due anyway so you will ultimately know who is definitely going at that point.

[malyna]

I don't think I'm going to have a wedding party but if I do, I will be asking after the deposit date

[peachykeen159]

Thanks for the advice ladies!

[Mangosong]

Most of my friends know that a DW is a go... and they still are asking about being BM. I just feel it's unfair to them to ask them to not only cough up the money for a DW but also for a BM dress. I mentioned that to them, and some of them got surprisingly hurt that I thought about not having BMs. So now I'm not sure.