To Hound Someone To Come Or Let Go

[MJTK]

So my FI has absolutely no family coming and I have my mom and 2 sisters.His sister was the one who suggested we do a DW. .FI parents are deceased and he has just his older sister but now she's not coming...personally I am happy she isn't coming...she annoys me! So I haven't hounded her I just let it slide but now the excitement of her not coming has worn off I actually feel really bad for my FI...he brought it up to her yesterday about coming (fyi we even offered to pay her way) she still has so many excuses why she can't. When I brought it up she just said it's not convenient for her and I know it's not her it's her husband who's not wanting to come.. she told me right after we booked her hubby wanted her to convince us to have our wedding at their farm. .I kindly said No your brother wants a destination which you encouraged so that's what we will be doing....

SO........do I beg her to come or just let it be?? I feel like no matter what I say she is gonna get pissy at me and she's the type of person you don't wanna piss off or she will make your life hell..

oh what shall I do??? I feel so bad for my FI...not to mention yesterday was the last day to put down the deposit for the trip and his best man aka best friend told him he isn't coming now either...poor guy

Edited July 30, 2014 by MJTK

[malyna]

I would let it go... Less stress! You can't force someone to do anything - if she really wants to come she will especially if you guys will pay! Put that energy toward supporting your fiancé instead

[calgarybride2015]

I never quite understand some people - just because your husband doesn't want to go doesn't mean you don't have too, they are adults and they can handle themselves for a week.  (I have a friend who declined because her husband had to work - he told her to go and have fun, but she felt bad).     On top of the fact you are willing to pay for her, wow!!   If she wouldn't even jump on a free trip I am not sure if it worth your hassle (and potential of a life of hell!!).

 

If you feel extra bad for your fiance, which I am sure you do - we all would - you could give it one last effort.  Maybe pull her aside and say 'hey, fiance is super upset because he has no family coming and his best friend just backed out. It would mean the world to him for you to come, and we are still willing to pay your way'.

 

I wouldn't hound her or beg though, but your situation sucks. I feel for you.

 

we had some no's that stung, but I guess I should prepare myself for the ones who did pay the deposit but still back out before final payment is due.

Edited July 30, 2014 by calgarybride2015

[kmk2016]

Send her a heart felt email explaining what it would mean to have her there for your brother- and then let it go. sadly there are some who just don't care enough to make the effort.

[acw271011]

Let it go. She refused even after you offered to pay. No point in riling anyone up, and if you beg or tick her off, it would likely get back to your FI. It's one of the things that goes with the territory of doing a DW and sometimes you just have to suck it up. Put your time and energy into supporting the man you're going to marry instead. You may be marrying into his family, but he's the one you're going to live with!

[Lilian84]

I agree with the other ladies here. Even if you beg and she caves in she might ruin the entire thing. You tried everything you could already the ball is in her camp now. If you your FI feels like he wants to try again, then he should, but i'm a firm believer that each spouse should deal with their own families... try to minimize the drama, although it is not always easy to do.  

[MJTK]

Thanks ladies...

Part of me wants to tell her how important it is to be there for her brother but it's hard to put my feelings aside and I feel that it's obvious he isn't a priority so why should I make her a priority! ! why beg to someone who obviously doesn't care. .

FI is already feeling like he's worthless cause he has just a few friends coming.. I reassured him it's not him you can't make your friends or family come....tough situation all around.. but he agreed with me that at least we have 30 coming and if we had it bk home 30 ppl would seem pathetic and we understand not everyone can afford it.

[Tatimrivera]

This is definitely the time where you two need to be selfish. In the grand scheme of things it's your day and as long as you both are there that's what matters.

In my situation only my mom and her husband are attending and my FIs' mom, dad, brother and god sister are attending. I feel horrendous because my aunt can not afford it and my brothers in jail. So needless to say I have no time to stress about guest attendance.

[MJTK]

Ya I talked to her today and voiced that her brother feels like she doesn't care and she totally turned it back onto us and called us selfish. .she says we chose a DW despite them not going...so....we should drop everything for her....pfff. ...not happening. ..she has the money but doesn't want to spend it on this....fine but stop giving me a guilt trip that her kids are going to be upset to know their uncle got married away and they didn't get to come...oh she's a piece I tell ya....well I'm done..don't come cause I don't care...sorry for the vent..

[calgarybride2015]

Ya I talked to her today and voiced that her brother feels like she doesn't care and she totally turned it back onto us and called us selfish. .she says we chose a DW despite them not going...so....we should drop everything for her....pfff. ...not happening. ..she has the money but doesn't want to spend it on this....fine but stop giving me a guilt trip that her kids are going to be upset to know their uncle got married away and they didn't get to come...oh she's a piece I tell ya....well I'm done..don't come cause I don't care...sorry for the vent..

Per another msg above 30 for a destination wedding is not pathetic. I think it's a great number personally and just think... When do you get to spend a week in paradise with 30 of your friends and family. It's going to be fantastic and those who didn't go will look back and regret it.

 

That said, wow, what's with people and the guilt trips. While it's his sister I expected more I just don't understand why people can't just say ' we really can't make it work, we are so sorry' then make you feel like a piece of crap. I know she is family but don't waste another breath on her ok? Hugs. It's her loss and she will regret it. Whoever tells someone they are selfish for having a wedding of their dreams is the selfish one. A married bride should know better.