How Hard Is It To Order A Bridesmaid Dress

[calgarybride2015]

We did our RSVP date the same day as our deposits were due because I couldn't decide on another date! lol!

We had a few people say 'it's just too early to know forsure but we will keep you posted' which I totally appreciate but some just flat out ignored it.   

 

We had ALOT, like almost all, book in the last week -- so should be interesting for you! Honestly at one point I really believed noone was coming!

Edited July 31, 2014 by calgarybride2015

[tygrrlily]

@ - I feel for you! I'm very type A with planning, and this would drive me crazy. Hopefully they order soon! I don't really understand that mentality of waiting a few weeks when they're going to have to order them anyway. If money isn't an issue either, I don't get it.. I think I'd be a lot more annoying with direct messages and emails asking them if they had ordered yet. Could you maybe just order them yourself, then tell them you ordered them and they cost $ amount?

 

I personally took a much more controlling approach haha. I don't expect a lot out of my BMs to be honest. I know their personalities, and of the 3 of us, I am the organizer/planner of the group. They're used to me planning everything from parties to vacations together, etc. because I know if I don't do it, it won't be done. I was my best friend's MOH and I had her bachelorette, bridal shower, dress dates, etc. planned immediately. Made her a slide show, got all the girls involved, we went to Cancun, etc. I was honestly a fantastic moh. I've realized though as @@VegasBride121314 said above, my wedding isn't important to anyone but me (and the FI ). I've barely heard a peep about my wedding from my BMs, they don't ask me for details, and I'm not one to talk about it incessently either.

 

All I really expect of them at this point is to show up in the dress I want, stand with me, and take pictures that day. So I actually decided to just buy their dresses myself. I chose 2 inoffensive dresses in styles I know they would like, and I just paid for them myself. They both like their dresses, and they're both glad they don't have to do any work. They also can't complain this way because they didn't pay for them. One in particular can be super picky/drawn out, and I just wanted to avoid that whole process. They said they would plan a Bachelorette and Shower for me too, but I haven't heard much about them and we have 4 months to go. We'll see what happens with those.

 

I think planning a wedding, and a DW in particular, really makes you think about your friendships and relationships in new ways. Some people have really amazed me with their support and love, while others have been so disappointing. I think I've become a lot more cynical through the whole process!

 

I really hope your BMs shape up!!

Edited August 1, 2014 by tygrrlily

[Mrsktobe]

Tygrrlily, THANK-YOU. You're post just made me feel a million times better. You seem a lot like myself - I am realizing I have to do a lot of things on my own because my bridesmaids aren't up to the job whatsoever and pretty much don't give two sh*ts which I thought they would because like you, when I was MOH or a bridesmaid, I organized everything months ahead of time. My friends MOH was so shitty too, that even though I wasn't supposed to plan it, I ended up doing it because she didn't have anything planned a month before. I was feeling pretty down on myself that I am having to plan my own things but it's nice to see in a not so nice feeling way that someone else is in the same boat as me.

 

I am feeling the same way about seeing friendships in new light. Cynical to say the least ha ha. Yep.

[tygrrlily]

@ - It bummed me out for a long time to be honest. For a few months, I was kind of unhappy and not excited about the wedding because of things like that, and people bailing, etc.. Finally, I kind of had a screw it mentality and decided that I was going to focus on all of the amazing things. We are tying the knot in Mexico! How amazing is that? And we have almost 40 people wiling to come with us! So now I'm really focusing on making it the best wedding and best trip I can for all the people that do come. I also look forward to December when we get back to cold, snowy Toronto, and everyone that went has had a blast and there are a ton of pics because I know people will regret not coming .

 

I love my BMs, but I'm realistic about them. And I do now know if I really want something done, I have to do it myself

Edited August 1, 2014 by tygrrlily

[Mrsktobe]

That's the way I have been feeling to be honest. I feel like I do so much for others and I kind of expected at least a few people to return the favor when I got married. Not that I expected much because I go above and beyond for my friends but I thought, hey maybe they will pay a little attention or maybe they will help a bit. Nope. Not one. Two of them live out of country, so that's understandable right there (even though they haven't checked in or anything) but the other three, no f*cks are to be given. Even my MOH - too busy too help, she is all focused on her new boyfriend and the other bridesmaids just don't care. I keep telling myself maybe they will care closer to the date and I will be eating my words but I am not holding my breath. I think what really hurts me more than anything is how my mother in law and sister in law are being. My mother in law was so excited for us to get engaged but since we got engaged, she is like a ghost - never there and then blames me for not calling her when she can pick up the phone herself. She volunteered to help pay for the at home reception and then called my FI after my parents called her to talk about ideas and cost and told my FI all these lies that my parents supposedly said and pretty much blasted my parents - Needless to say, after that, the relationship has been strained. My sister in law is jealous and smokes weed with my mother in law and is on her side, sooooo yeah. *cue circus music* I could write two pages of all the sh*t that has been going on with this wedding process but yeah.. not going to. I will mention though that my MIL and SIL dislike my other SIL to the point they are starting up drama, so we will see what happens in Mexico when everyone is at the same place. UGHH!

 

You gave me hope though and thank you. I need to focus on all the happy things and just take care of things myself. Then you can never be disappointed! LOL.

Edited August 1, 2014 by lcboyko

[calgarybride2015]

I totally understand where you two are coming from 100% but on the flip side why offer/accept to be in your bridal party if you don't give 2 sh*** about helping, the wedding, being involved etc? Isn't that somewhat the duty instead of just showing up. Trust me I get it and I'm a little bit of a control freak too but that itself upsets me. 2 of my BM live 12 hours away. One is more actively chatty than another BUT whenever I ask for opinions. Dress sizes. Etc it's very quick and I don't have to pull teeth. The other lives here and is very involved. I even have a lot of friends asking to help!

 

I totally agree with the comment a few posts back about really thinking about your relationships in new ways. I had a girl whom I thought was my best friend whom I couldn't see not being my MOH totally do a 360. I knew she may not be able to come and we even considered paying for her. Well she has never once talked to me about my wedding. Couldn't even ask her to be my MOH. Finally called her out. Her reason was lame. Thought we hashed it out and we haven't talked basically since I've been engaged. I am not going to chase her to be my friend. I am not going to sit and cry when this is the happiest time of my life. I am surrounding myself with my friends who are happy and present. Some whom I am shocked over but I am fostering those friendships. What the hell happened? No idea but I'm so over hearing people saying she is jealous.. Jealous of what? Makes you realize who your friends are I guess.

 

We will go and have a freaking blast. All of us. And they can regret if. Not us.

 

 

 

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[Lilian84]

It sucks giving 110% to people to have them not even have the courtesy to be there when you need them. It's not even needing them it's simply wanting them to share your happiness. I absolutely get it, going through something similar with family. I guess it's the disappointment that hurts the most, makes you question the entire friendship. 

 

Well said @@calgarybride2015 they are the ones that will regret it. 

[Mrsktobe]

Update: Two of the bridesmaids STILL have not responded to me.

ARE YOU F'IN kidding me.

I feel like asking them if they want to be in the bridal party still.

My sister in law has been absolutely amazing and I would of made her a bridesmaid if not for the fact she is taking our wedding photos (I got her a corsage though and have gotten her the same gifts and treatment as all of my bridesmaids)

To top it off my MOH says she has no time to help, yet has been down this way twice already with her new boyfriend - I get that it's a new relationship but don't say you understand how you frustrated I am and say you're too busy.

ARGHHH

 

Sorry. Disappointment. I know they will regret it. But yes. This sucks.

[calgarybride2015]

I think you need to pick a deadline... Your wedding is coming fast and you want those dresses to come in.

 

So ya maybe do one of a few things

 

1. set a deadline --- either to ask them if they still want to be a BM or for the dress ordering (tell them time matters here and if not ordered by x they won't arrive by z)

2. Or just Bluntly ask them if they want to be a BM right now

3. Or just order their dresses for them now (tell them if they don't provide a size you'll pick one) of course none of us would do this but maybe it'll light a fire?

 

Then ask someone else who shows interest.

 

My fiancé is in a similar boat. His one GM lives in Mexico so fiancé has to get his clothes here for him and he won't respond either. Fiancé is leaving it another week or two to see what the response is if he still wants to be a GM (it's gone this fair that he's had to ask) and he's just going to ask another friend.

 

Don't understand it whatsoever but feel your frustration.

 

 

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Edited August 7, 2014 by calgarybride2015

[Mrsktobe]

Thanks for the advice. I finally told one that she doesn't have to be a BM if she doesn't want to and she texted me back saying she is going to order it, blah blah. So we will see.

 

The other bridesmaids still has not texted me back. I have to handle this one delicately because her husband is my fiancé's best man and her husband is currently living with us right now as he is working on a rotation near where we live - so he's here on a 10 day, 4 days off rotation.  I wish I could text her and ask her what her issue is but If I do that, then her husband will hear about it, which means my fiancé will - and I won't hear the end of it. FML.

 

I debated texted her this morning asking her why she is ignoring me but I'm going to leave it. We have our jack & jill shower/stag next week and she is supposed to come, so I will handle it then -  I think I'm going to tell her in person that she has really hurt my feelings regarding this. We will see how it goes.