Family Being Awful About Wanting A Mexico D/w. Help :(

[Sophiaone95]

Hi everyone,

Seeking some advice & hope some of you can help or share your experiences.

 

In 2013 my fiancé and I got engaged in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico. A few months after getting engaged, we had planned to get married there since that’s where we got engaged & we love it there. Our families weren’t overly ecstatic about the choice of Mexico due to all the negative they hear about it… While back then they had said a few negative things here & there, many were originally still excited to go to experience an all inclusive & see the beautiful beaches.

 

However, now that we’re back from viewing resorts & making our final decisions, some of our family members are SO negative about us having our wedding there. The one being the most negative is my sister who says things would be different if it was just her & her husband, but now she has a family(I can understand this to an extent). One of her children will be 7 months old at the time of the wedding. I tell her they want to keep it safe for the tourists as that’s how they make the majority of their money & she comes back with things she reads about how unsafe it is in Playa Del Carmen, & that people have been killed in the hotel elevator, & how a guy accidently crossed over the border not realizing it and is now spending his life in jail. She’s scared someone may sneak drugs in their luggage & they will end up responsible & in jail as she’s heard of that happening too. She’s also scaring me as my parents haven’t been in the most exceptional health over the past years & is freaking me out in case something happens to them while over there. Big guilt trip & I would hate myself forever if something were to happen since all the blame would be on me. She’s also complaining about how expensive it will be for everyone & saying don’t I feel bad wanting people to pay that much money in order to come.. However she got married on an island 10 hours away which was even more expensive & had nothing included. She gave us 3 months notice & no one complained, but that was “okay” because it was in the US.(Hawaii) The flight to Mexico is less than 3 hours away. Right now we’re getting quotes back of $1,000-$1,500 per person for 4-7 days, flight included & all inclusive hotel stay. Kids are cheaper. She also said she's not sure if she can even get a passport for my niece(due to her stepdad) & that if she can't get one for her, then none of them are coming as she's not leaving her daughter behind. (which I can understand)

 

It seems lately very few people have been positive about our having our wedding in Mexico. Our friends have been the most positive. Both our families are really pushing for Vegas or they say anywhere in the US for that matter. They keep saying why don’t we get married in the US & honeymoon in Mexico. Well we’re wanting our ceremony on the beach. We were fixing to send our save the dates out soon and/or invites, as it’s only 8 months away from when we want to get married & people need to save up and ask for time off work if needed. We even did “engagement” pictures in Mexico for our Save the dates & invites.

 

After all this negative feedback, I’m in such a bad place & stressing like crazy. Mexico is really what we want & envisioned. I have spent hundreds of hours looking into having our wedding there & getting ideas. We might go to Vegas next month to look at our options & make our family happy. And while fiancé & I grew up visiting there throughout our whole lives, it seems all the venues/options are either 1.)super cheesy, 2.)very expensive, or 3.) not what we want. We were also planning to pay for the actual wedding in Mexico ourselves. My mom keeps pushing for Vegas & saying she will pay all of it if we have it there & that it will be cheaper for them anyway. We don’t want to feel like we owe someone something & feel like it’ll be a big waste if we’re not even happy in the end. Another concern we have with Vegas is that if us or our guests gamble & lose, we know that can result in a bad wedding & sour vacation... been there, done that. Florida or California were another option, but seems very expensive & I’m not sure which beaches even compare to Playa Del Carmen. I would hate to show up and be disappointed w/our choice. All I know is time is ticking away & having our wedding in the US will definitely be more money.. Mexico is affordable for us & we truly felt everyone would have a good time & wanted them to experience an all inclusive at least once in their life. I also looked into many other Caribbean destinations, but they were more expensive for our guests and/or also portrayed as unsafe.

 

I *think* everything will be fine once our families get to Mexico & it will free them of so many negative thoughts, however in the back of my mind I have this huge burden on top of me due to the guilt and sadness I will feel if something bad does happen to someone there after all this. I’ve even been having bad dreams because of it. Feel like having a breakdown . Almost cancelled wedding & would get married next year instead maybe, but I really wanted it soon as it will be our 10 year anniversary in a little less than a year. Have almost gave in to getting married in Vegas or in town just to please everyone else, even though I doubt we would be happy. The thought of eloping has crossed our minds many times & we would be able to do it somewhere extremely beautiful, however one of the most important things is my dad walking me down the aisle and I don’t want to miss out on that, especially as we almost lost him a few years ago(though he is in *much* better health now & recovered after his surgery a few years back).. I also feel if we elope, we might regret not having our family at our wedding, but who even knows if they will all go to our wedding in Mexico to begin with. I know our parent’s will come even though not thrilled, since I know they wouldn’t want to miss it, but not sure about our siblings, nieces, & nephews. We do a lot for our families & I don’t feel we’re asking very much. What should I do? I’m really freaking out due to the time left before the wedding & feel like the longer we wait to send out invites, the less people that will be able to go due to not having the money saved in time or not being able to get off work. Even worse, I haven’t started looking for a dress since we’re not 100% decided on where we’re going to have the wedding. (Vegas & the beach are two totally different destinations) A wedding shop told me some dresses can even take up to 12 months to get in.

 

Do we go with what we want & envision, but risk not having some of the people we love there.. Or do we go with what everyone else wants in order to make everyone comfortable & happy? I feel damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Almost considered having two ceremonies, but I don’t know how dumb this would be & photos are very important to my fiancé & I, which would cost a fortune to have done in two places. Any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated it. Did anyone go through this same thing & regret any of their decisions? I would love to hear some feedback. Thank you to all those that have read this & taking the time out to help!

[Maggietron]

You do what you want to do. This is not your sister's wedding, this is not your mother's wedding. If you want a beach wedding in the place you got engaged, then you plan that wedding and you send your invites, and if they can't go, that is not your fault. You are not obligated to plan your wedding around everyone else's desires and end up with something that won't make you happy. As long as you understand that a destination wedding means not everyone will be able to make it and you don't hold it against them if they can't come, then go ahead and plan whatever you want. If they can't make it you can always have a party at home afterwards. 

[kmk2016]

I say you go to mexico, make the plans for the wedding you dreamed about and move forward. Send them an invitation and be done with it. She has no right to guilt you into doing something different. She can either research and realize it will be fine for her to come- or complain and send her regards. Personally? I would take a baby to mexico before vegas any day!!

 

Don't let them change your mind! You deserve your wedding the way you want it!

[AllieH]

hi @@Sophiaone95 ! 

 

boy, you sound like you're going through a lot of what we did when we told our family we wanted to get married in Mexico. it was so bad that my parents said they weren't coming... worried about safety, too far to travel, etc. they eventually did (I knew they wouldn't miss it) and loved every minute of it. My sister has young kids, and from the beginning said she wouldn't go. She didn't, and while I really, really missed her being there, it didn't change the memories we made. we ultimately decided that we weren't the ones missing out by her not being there - she missed out. 

 

we also had numerous friends who didn't go - including some of my best friends. again, we decided that those who went to Mexico were the ones who would truly support our marriage. 

 

we too considered Vegas, FL and other US-based locations. we could get more for our $$ by going to Mexico, and plus everyone had to travel anyway (very few of our family & friends live where we do!). 

 

A good compromise may be to do your destination wedding as you've always envisioned - after all, it is YOUR day, your memories, and the celebration of your marriage. Then maybe throw a back yard BBQ or gathering for the friends/family who couldn't make it, and show off your photos. 

 

We have been to Mexico 3 times in the last 18 months - and never had a single problem with safety or other concerns. The resorts are amazing, the people are gracious and we would go back in a heartbeat. 

 

I would suggest you make it very clear to them how much having a DW in Mexico means to you & your husband-to-be, and also how important it is for them to be there for it. Have a conversation about their concerns, and then make sure your own feelings are heard too. 

 

I'm a big advocate for doing a wedding your way - not what your family or friends want. Good luck!!! 

[Lilian84]

sorry you're going through all this... that really sucks.

 

In the end just remember that this is YOUR DAY! Your sister probably had hers, and now she should respect what you want. And you need to believe that, it's the only way to get through something like this. If your fiance and you want to get married in Mexico. Do it!!!! Your family has a choice to be there or not... But they will be missing out on it. Do what makes you happy and Stay strong. 

[peachykeen159]

Definitely still do the wedding in Mexico. I feel like it would be worse to give in to everyone and have your wedding day somewhere you didn't care for or feel a special connection to. Like everyone else has been saying, at the end of the day it is your wedding day and your memories.

[calgarybride2015]

I ditto everyone above.

 

We also had some people who weren't supportive - my fiance's dad - and it had him in tears. It was more things like 'we can't afford it'  'what if I don't want to use my holidays for this?'  'what if I don't want to go to Mexico'   We stood our ground and decided that this is what we wanted, what would make us happy, and if people can't come it would be their loss, not ours.

 

In the end, his dad is coming.

 

Another side thought about making OTHERS happy -  let's say you planned your wedding in Vegas to appease your sister and she STILL didn't come, how would that make you feel? There would be resentment I am sure, so I would stick to your guns.  I had no issues hearing people's suggestions on my top resorts, on their dates, etc. but in the end we made the final calls.

 

Every country is unsafe.  I have a friend that is hugely anti-Mexico because of people dying, but lets be honest -- more people die in Canada each year than Canadians die in Mexico.  

 

Our resort even had an incident at it. It's life.  If you stick to the safe areas, if you don't get yourself into shady business, and you mind your own business you are pretty sure to be safe.  Crap happens everywhere, you can't dodge everything, even in your own backyard.  That's the way I see it anyways.

 

Good luck.

[TAkathy]

This is a day for and event to celebrate where and how you wish - so go for it.  It's unfortunate that people are sharing their negativity when all they need to do is decline the invitation.

 

Many places in Mexico are very safe and welcome tourists.  Of course there are places you and your guests should avoid.  I would suggest arranging R/T shared transportation for your guests from airport to hotel so they can easily find their way there as that can be an anxiety-producing event when landing in any foreign country - particularly when you have to deal with time-share sharks.

 

Regarding your sister and her baby - while it is very safe to take an infant to Mexico when standard precautions are taken (use only bottled water, apply sunscreen liberally and often, only eat fruit that has been peeled, etc), there is an important issue when traveling out of the country with a child who is accompanied by only one of the legal parents. It is suggested that the non-traveling parent sign a notarized letter authorizing the other parent to take the child over the border of the resident country.  This documentation could be requested either entering Mexico or re-entering Canada. If requested and the adult is unable to provide proof of such authorization, there could be trouble.  And both countries require passports for all ages crossing the border as well.

 

Enjoy planning your wedding and try to turn a deaf ear to those who feel the need to share their negativity.  This is about the two of you.

[Sarahop81]

It's your big day, not theirs.  I have family members that refuse to go to my wedding in Playa next summer because they don't like Mexico.  They hear things about it being unsafe.  Yet, at the same time they go to Chicago all the time and Chicago has some of the highest crime rates in the country.  Bad things happen everywhere and compared to many places, Playa del Carmen and that side of Mexico is fine. 

 

I think spending that kind of money can be tough, but once they are down there, they will be happy they did it.  And it's not just a regular wedding where people rush around for a few hours and you barely get to talk to people.  This is a family vacation where you all get to spend time together.  As we get older, we're all busy and have a hard time relaxing and enjoying each other.  You're giving this to your family and friends and although they are making a fuss now, they wil be happy about it once they are sitting on the beautiful beach enjoying a cocktail.

[shevette925]

I totally agree with what everyone has stated above. Its your day and not your sister's or mother's or whoever. Do what makes you and your FI happy. At the end of the day, it's your wedding and you will cherish the memories for many years to come.  

 

To help  ease the discomfort of some of your guest you can always include safety/health tips on your wedding website or your welcome bag. Make it very innocuous with general tips like using sunscreen, staying within well lit areas, don't venture off resort without a buddy, don't swim after eating, the location of the embassy, etc.  Things that are helpful and can be applied anywhere and that wont increase anxiety levels. And @@TAkathy gave really great information that you can pass along to your sister.  And then let your family make the decision that is comfortable for them and don't dwell on it. 

 

And if it seems that a lot of family cant make it, you can always have an at home reception or BBQ or just send them a post card from Mexico .  Good luck to you

Edited July 29, 2014 by shevette925