Please Help! Family Being Awful About Wanting A Mexico D/w.

[Sophiaone95]

Hi everyone,

      Seeking some advice & hope some of you can help or share your experiences.

 

        In 2013 my fiancé and I got engaged in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico.  A few months after getting engaged, we had planned to get married there since that’s where we got engaged & we love it there. Our families weren’t overly ecstatic about the choice of Mexico due to all the negative they hear about it… While back then they had said a few negative things here & there, many were originally still excited to go to experience an all inclusive & see the beautiful beaches.

 

     However, now that we’re back from viewing resorts & making our final decisions, some of our family members are SO negative about us having our wedding there. The one being the most negative is my sister who says things would be different if it was just her & her husband, but now she has a family(I can understand this to an extent). One of her children will be 7 months old at the time of the wedding. I tell her they want to keep it safe for the tourists as that’s how they make the majority of their money & she comes back with things she reads about how unsafe it is in Playa Del Carmen, & that people have been killed in the hotel elevator, & how a guy accidently crossed over the border not realizing it and is now spending his life in jail.  She’s scared someone may sneak drugs in their luggage & they will end up responsible & in jail as she’s heard of that happening too. She’s also scaring me as my parents haven’t been in the most exceptional health over the past years & is freaking me out in case something happens to them while over there. Big guilt trip & I would hate myself forever if something were to happen since all the blame would be on me. She’s also complaining about how expensive it will be for everyone & saying don’t I feel bad wanting people to pay that much money in order to come.. However she got married on an island 10 hours away which was even more expensive & had nothing included. She gave us 3 months notice & no one complained, but that was “okay” because it was in the US.(Hawaii) The flight to Mexico is less than 3 hours away. Right now we’re getting quotes back of $1,000-$1,500 per person for 4-7 days, flight included & all inclusive hotel stay. Kids are cheaper. She also said she's not sure if she can even get a passport for my niece(due to her stepdad) & that if she can't get one for her, then none of them are coming as she's not leaving her daughter behind. (which I can understand)

 

       It seems lately very few people have been positive about our having our wedding in Mexico. Our friends have been the most positive. Both our families are really pushing for Vegas or they say anywhere in the US for that matter. They keep saying why don’t we get married in the US & honeymoon in Mexico.  Well we’re wanting our ceremony on the beach.  We were fixing to send our save the dates out soon and/or invites, as it’s only 8 months away from when we want to get married & people need to save up and ask for time off work if needed.  We even did “engagement” pictures in Mexico for our Save the dates & invites. 

 

       After all this negative feedback, I’m in such a bad place & stressing like crazy. Mexico is really what we want & envisioned.  I have spent hundreds of hours looking into having our wedding there & getting ideas. We might go to Vegas next month to look at our options & make our family happy.  And while fiancé & I grew up visiting there throughout our whole lives, it seems all the venues/options are either 1.)super cheesy, 2.)very expensive, or 3.) not what we want.  We were also planning to pay for the actual wedding in Mexico ourselves.  My mom keeps pushing for Vegas & saying she will pay all of it if we have it there & that it will be cheaper for them anyway. We don’t want to feel like we owe someone something & feel like it’ll be a big waste if we’re not even happy in the end. Another concern we have with Vegas is that if us or our guests gamble & lose, we know that can result in a bad wedding & sour vacation... been there, done that.  Florida or California were another option, but seems very expensive & I’m not sure which beaches even compare to Playa Del Carmen. I would hate to show up and be disappointed w/our choice. All I know is time is ticking away & having our wedding in the US will definitely be more money.. Mexico is affordable for us & we truly felt everyone would have a good time & wanted them to experience an all inclusive at least once in their life. I also looked into many other Caribbean destinations, but they were more expensive for our guests and/or also portrayed as unsafe.

 

        I *think* everything will be fine once our families get to Mexico & it will free them of so many negative thoughts, however in the back of my mind I have this huge burden on top of me due to the guilt and sadness I will feel if something bad does happen to someone there after all this. I’ve even been having bad dreams because of it. Feel like having a breakdown  . Almost cancelled wedding & would get married next year instead maybe, but I really wanted it soon as it will be our 10 year anniversary in a little less than a year. Have almost gave in to getting married in Vegas or in town just to please everyone else, even though I doubt we would be happy. The thought of eloping has crossed our minds many times & we would be able to do it somewhere extremely beautiful, however one of the most important things is my dad walking me down the aisle and I don’t want to miss out on that, especially as we almost lost him a few years ago(though he is in *much* better health now & recovered after his surgery a few years back).. I also feel if we elope, we might regret not having our family at our wedding, but who even knows if they will all go to our wedding in Mexico to begin with. I know our parent’s will come even though not thrilled, since I know they wouldn’t want to miss it, but not sure about our siblings, nieces, & nephews.  We do a lot for our families & I don’t feel we’re asking very much. What should I do?  I’m really freaking out due to the time left before the wedding & feel like the longer we wait to send out invites, the less people that will be able to go due to not having the money saved in time or not being able to get off work.  Even worse, I haven’t started looking for a dress since we’re not 100% decided on where we’re going to have the wedding. (Vegas & the beach are two totally different destinations)  A wedding shop told me some dresses can even take up to 12 months to get in.

 

      Do we go with what we want & envision, but risk not having some of the people we love there.. Or do we go with what everyone else wants in order to make everyone comfortable & happy?  I feel damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Almost considered having two ceremonies, but I don’t know how dumb this would be & photos are very important to my fiancé & I, which would cost a fortune to have done in two places. Any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated it. Did anyone go through this same thing & regret any of their decisions?  I would love to hear some feedback. Thank you to all those that have read this & taking the time out to help!

[acw271011]

Ouch. Not a happy situation for anyone. The first thing is that this is supposed to be a happy time for you and your fiance. As well, it's your wedding and your day. It's so difficult when family put pressure on couples, and it's just unfair.  Our situation nearly split us up after nearly 10 years together so I can definitely sympathize. For us it was my hubby that put his foot down and said enough was enough. We wanted to get married in Jamaica and that's exactly what we were going to do, and everyone else be damned. They were going to miss out on an awesome holiday. So we did. Just the two of us. No witnesses. Nothing. The wedding coordinators signed our marriage licence. I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt. I was. It was the second time around for us though and we're a lot older than most of the ladies on this site. In the end it was "what is really important to us?" It was to get married on a beautiful tropical island and that's what we got.

 

I feel for the younger people here that are getting grief from their families. I've said it before and I'll say it again. We want everyone to be as happy for us as we are, and especially with the people that we love, we don't understand why they aren't. I think they are, but when it comes to the planning for a DW, there are a lot of factors to consider. And it's other peoples' lives that are involved as well. Whether it's finances, or kids or time off work, or a mix of all three. There are families that just don't want to go along with the idea of a destination wedding. I know sometimes the news that comes out of Mexico isn't always reassuring, and for some people that can be quite alarming. From personal experience i will say after 5 trips to Mexico we have never, ever had a single issue in any way shape or form and like you, we absolutely love Mexico.

 

You have some decisions ahead of you for sure. What about taking off to Mexico just the two of you, then having a reception at home? Maybe something to think about. In the end though, it will be what is most important to the both of you. Do you have a church minister that the two of you can sit down with that knows you? Might be some insight there that will help. Whatever you decide, try not to let all of this ruin what is meant to be a happy time in your lives. Support each other. Guaranteed that if you get through it all, as a couple you will come out stronger on the other side!

 

Good luck!

[jamie04dolphins]

Hello! I was in your shoes exactly one year ago. Always envisioned a Mexico beach wedding. We decided to marry at Now Jade in Riviera Maya. I secured the date and time. Then July of last year my fiancés family made a huge stink about Mexico and why they will not go. Now some of them had good reasons.....work for border patrol etc. So ultimately we changed our plan and decided to marry in Punta Cana Dominican Republic to make our families feel safer. (Not sure if it is any safer than Mexico).  We have now been married for over a month and I have to say everything was absolutely perfect. It was gorgeous and everyone had an amazing time. You just have to decide what is more important and come to terms with the fact you can never please everyone. I wish you the best of luck!!!

[lydiasusi]

Do what YOU want.  

 

I have speculated over a similar problem with family and my destination wedding.

 

My Father has a mental condition that really holds him back from being in any type of social situation, let alone small places packed with many people (airplane).   

 

My Mother is married to a man who I cannot stand, due to situations that I don't think I need to elaborate on, but it's been a long history, and years have passed and I do not care for who he is, what he stands for... yadda yadda yadda. 

 

My Father will probably not be attending my wedding, which I am very sad for.  I love him dearly, and would love to be walked down the aisle by him.   I contemplated getting married close to home, so I could just have him walk me.  Yet, our hearts are set on getting married to what we call home from home (the yucatan).  I will extend an invite, but I have told him "no hard feelings".  

 

My Mother on the other hand, I have to tell her that I will not be comfortable with her husband there, and would rather she came alone.   I've been told this is rude and not acceptable, but you know what.... this is my day to celebrate with the ones I LOVE, and I'm not going to tolerate what I don't. 

 

All in all, I'm pretty much going to be getting married without either of my parents there :/  Same with my fiance.  

 

Our friends who love us, and have seen us grow, are the ones that are venturing out to celebrate our love.   Those who can't make it, can't make it.  No explanations are needed. 

 

Your wedding is about the two people getting married, not the amount of people there, the centerpieces, the color scheme, the flowers... it's about the two of YOU. 

 

There are plenty of people in the same boat, and I can say, as a woman knowing that both of my parents won't make it to see their girl walk down the aisle, I feel as though, this is still what I want.

 

Good luck! <3

excuses are just people's way of saying "I don't want to".   If there is a will, there is a way.

[Sophiaone95]

Hi @ACW271011- It’s saddens me to know you had to go through something similar. Thank you for your understanding & kind words. I really appreciate you being honest & putting everything into perspective for us. It would hurt to not have some of our family present so I completely get what you’re saying. However, the fact that you were both so strong & overcame the negativity together, means the world & probably brought you both closer together in the end. I’m sure your wedding was even more special and intimate having just the two of you there. I sometimes dream of eloping to be honest. Sounds extremely romantic! Just scared we may regret it.

 

Everything you mention about the way weddings have become is true.. This was one of the reasons fiancé did not want to get married or have a wedding in the first place. He’s in the wedding industry & sees what couples go through all the time. It’s really unfortunate & it can cause a ton of strain on the relationship, like you mentioned. Due to all that, my fiancé would be happy just getting married at the courthouse & I can’t say I haven’t thought about it a time or two after all this! I always said I would never get stressed over my wedding or complicate things, but here I am sadly. It seems to get the best of us. The good thing about eloping, is that you only have to worry about you two. Once you bring a whole bunch of people into the picture, it can start to complicate things as you mentioned. Some people can be very vocal too, even though it’s not their wedding!

Our families all keep telling us to get married in the US & honeymoon in Mexico, which they can’t understand defeats the purpose. I had considered just fiancé & I getting married in Mexico & then having a reception at home after.. But having my father walk me down the aisle would mean the world to me. We almost lost him a few years back so this would be very special as it’s something I’ve looked forward to even as a little girl. A while back, we told our family we were getting married in Mexico no matter what, in order to see if they’d change their mind & come around, and we’ve discovered our parents wouldn’t miss it thankfully. Regardless, they keep pushing for somewhere else since they know there’s still time left.. Especially due to my sister & her family. We could just have our parents there, but we decided to extend the invite to all our immediate family (siblings, nieces, nephews), which has complicated things further. However, fiancé’s siblings have been much more positive, than mine. I don’t even know if my brother would be coming either. I feel scared to even bring it up to him. We treat our nieces & nephews like our own, so it would be tough not having them around for the wedding. We need to really decide if we could do without some of our family being there, but it’s hard to think about with all the pressure. I hope we can get it all figured out & soon. Again your words have been so comforting ACW271011.. I think we will make it through this & end up stronger as you mentioned. Many congratulations on your wedding J!!!! And thank you x a million!

 

Hi @@jamie04dolphins – I’m so sorry you had to go through this, but thrilled everything turned out perfect for you!!!! That’s reassuring. I would also love to hear your comparison on Punta Cana & Mexico(if you don’t mind PMing me). I had considered P/C, however it’s a 7-8 hour flight from here(non-stop) so once that was brought up, my family said never mind. My sister’s wedding was 10 hours away, but she will have a young baby so I can understand how this would be tough. Plus we got engaged in Mexico. I’ve actually heard P/C can be less safe(outside the resort) and I’m not sure if that’s true, but I would probably end up going through the same thing once they start researching the area! And you are so right, you can’t please everyone!! I’m glad to know you made it through everything & got the wedding of your dreams! Congratulations and thank you so much for sharing your experience!!

 

Hi @Lydiasusi- That really hits home as you’re dealing with such a similar experience. What’s even more crazy, is that fiancé does not want his dad’s gf there either which is putting us in an awkward situation with him. He doesn’t know how to tell his dad this either. Seems like we’re dealing with a lot of the same things! I hope some of your family is able to come around and make it. However, even if they don’t, the ones who matter most will be there J.. You & your future husband. Plus your friends will be there which are like an extension of family. I think you will have a blast and your wedding will turn out beautiful. If your dad can’t make it, have you thought about broadcasting it live for him through something like skype(if possible?). I have seen where some resorts do that down there. This was another thought previously in my mind when no one was coming. In the end, I’m glad you’re able to know what you want and will be getting what you want! I have so many people sticking their opinions in my mind, that I have trouble most days even knowing what it is I want anymore.. Thank you for your reassurance, and I hope your wedding is the most beautiful day possible!!

 

Thank you all again!!!

Edited July 29, 2014 by Sophiaone95

[Moments That Matter]

Ultimately, every person is only responsible for the choices they make for themselves...and we always have choices - so it's up to each one of us to make the right choices for ourselves.

 

Sending you thoughts of strength in finding the inner wisdom to make the best choices that work for YOU - that's what's Most Important! Do what makes your heart sing and brings you Joy! When you have so many outside influences directed toward you, it can be helpful to find quiet time for yourself to reflect and get clear about what You Really need and want.

I wish for you a wonderful journey, filled with every happiness you so richly deserve!!!

 

Here's an inspirational visual to help you toward that end......enjoy

 

Cheers - team MTM

[FMZ2015]

It sounds like you're practically writing the experience we went through when we booked our wedding. We had a lot of people say they weren't coming...and they're almost all coming now. 

 

What we did was made a list of the things that were most important to us. For example, can the people who are the closest to us come, is it what we imagined, are we going to be okay with a more intimate wedding. The only really important guests who we'll be missing on our wedding day is my sister and her husband.

 

At the end of the day, do what is going to make you and your fiance happy, you're marrying each other, not the members of your family. We're still getting a lot of grief over the fact our wedding is happening in Mexico, but not as much as we used to. The closer to the deadline we're getting, the more people are starting to get excited about it.

 

Good luck!

[JamaicaNicole]

I can completely empathize and although it is horrible I am happy I am not the only one going through this. I went to my future in laws tonight very excited to talk to them about all the wedding details that I have spent hours planning. Please keep in mind we have always said we were going to a destination wedding as we absolutely love to travel and wanted to get married somewhere gorgeous and memorable. They have known this and I even estimated to them even before we were engaged how much this would cost. So this is not an out if the blue thing.

 

It was my dream to get married in Italy but we decided against it to make it more affordable for our family and friends.

 

So all day very excited to share the details and start putting the guest list together. I get there and they are essentially badgering/at times raising their voice how this is so expensive, why can't I get married here and on and on.

 

They have 2 years to save up!! Which in my opinion is more then enough time. We are paying everything ourselves for the wedding and asking nothing else of them other then to come.

 

Keep in mind they just spent the same amount to go to Disney last year and spent a sizeable amount to go on a cruise the year before so it amazes me they are giving us this much trouble. They are paying for there other 2 kids to go which is making if so much because it's 4 of them, they baby them to no end when they are 20 and 22 they should be paying there own way IMO. But they do nothing for there oldest son which is the one I am marrying. All we are asking is that they come.

 

Needless to say I have been histerically crying all night because I was expecting a lot happier outcome.

[veryvalentine]

I'm so sorry to read all these sad experiences.  Ideally this is supposed to be such a happy time.  And I'm sure many of you have been the supportive bridesmaid for many of your family and friends and you have this expectation that they will return the favour...at least by being supportive with the idea of a DW.

 

When we decided to do a DW we really made peace with the idea that nobody would possibly come.  We made peace with the idea that it could rain, that my I could be saying my vows with mascara running down my face due to rain and humidity and not necessarily tears.  lol  Ultimately, we decided it was about us and what we wanted.  We could easily get married in our hometown and rent a hall for all our friends and fam...but it would be for them and not for us. 

 

It's so unfair to deal with such selfish people - but unfortunately some people forget what it feels like to be a bride and some people have not been there yet...so ultimately find some peace with your decision...at the very least you will be marrying and building a future with your chosen partner and that in itself is such a blessing...and you will be in paradise.

 

I also suspect that while people may grunt about the DW idea, eventually when they see that others are going they will prob ended putting down the deposit because they won't want to miss out. 

 

I have been to a DW myself and it was the best time ever.

 

Wishing you all some peace and comfort and happy Friday.

[Maggietron]

I had a little bit of this just this past weekend. We went down to visit my fiance's family.  My sister in law mentioned that her girls love to snorkel when they go to the Bahamas, so I said "so they'd love it if there was a trip to Mexico next year?" to which she went on a little rant about how she doesn't ever want to take her kids to Mexico and it's dangerous and everyone gets sick and then a whole tangent about how the resort security isn't going to stop the cartels if they want to come in... really out there stuff. Then she casually asks if we have chosen a place to get married. "uh... Mexico?". Oops. She seems to have come to terms with it though, I heard her talking to her husband about talking to their doctor when they got home to find out about medication to prevent traveller's diarrhea.