The Hardest Part Of A Destination Wedding

[SamanthaC]

I don't even know how to start here...When you plan to have a Destination Wedding you know there are going to be some people that just can't make it and you need to prepare yourself for that. I did...or at least i thought i did! I knew some people wouldn't make it but when my best friends i have known my whole life started dropping like flies it was really hard for me. 

 

One came to me [after continuously telling me she was coming] and told me she was pregnant and couldn't come...that was a hard one like i am happy for her and upset with her at the same time but of course i was the good friend and told her not to worry about it and how happy i am for her ext ext..

 

Second came to me and said they just couldn't afford it her FI still isnt working [after over a yr of being unemployed] and they can't even pay for there own wedding [her parents are footing the bill]. This was blow number 2 but was no where near as hard as a hit as #1 i saw this one coming.

 

Number 3 was my parents now this was the worst for me if i could explain my mother and i's relationship it would take pages but we have a pretty rocky relationship and we hardly ever see eye to eye. She is very controlling and wants to do what she wants when she wants and how she wants [mostly regarding my daughter] because i say no I'm the controlling B***h. So my mom RSVP'd no her and my dad wouldn't be coming to my wedding and "GOOD LUCK!" as much as this shouldn't surprise me this hurt me more then i could express but that was her intention right? to Hurt me. Deposits are due at the end of June and still they aren't coming.

 

Number 4 was my brother...he called me and said him and his gf would't be attending because they couldn't afford it...at first i was really understanding they are trying to save for a house wants to get his life together ext ext then it kinda dawned on me your my ONLY BROTHER you've known about this for a year and a half and if you add up the amount of money you've already spend on beer and weed you could have already had your ticket paid off. 

 

Those were the worst there are other friends who've come up with excuses "oh i don't know if i can get time off work"....you have a year to book it! "i just don't think i can get on a plane"...when friend 1 & 2 said they were going you had no problem getting on a plane.

 

The main advice i would give someone planning a destination wedding is even the people who you think will for sure be there make sure your prepared for them not to be....and as the deposit date gets closer prepare yourself for people who were so excited and for sure coming at the beginning to tell you that they aren't coming for whatever reason. Just remember your not doing this for them this is for you and your fiance. Don't debate if you should change your wedding because you shouldn't this is what you want. A friend of mine who is coming said something that made me feel better "well at least you fiance didn't RSVP he isn't coming" lol 

 

Your wedding will be the most amazing day of your life and when your walking down the aisle looking into you fiances eyes you won't even notice who is standing with him and who's not. 

[tygrrlily]

@@SamanthaC - Your post resonated a lot with me! I"m sorry to hear about all the people that aren't coming along. You definitely sound positive still about it, and I think your paragraph at the end is very truthful.

 

We're going through with this right now too . Even my best friend/maid of honour who strongly PUSHED for us to have a destination wedding just got pregnant, and is now probably not coming. I was prepared for a lot of other people not to come, but not her. I've been upset all week and I'm trying to get over it, but I know it's going to take time.

 

We're lucky that our family is all coming (and some from as far as Australia!), but we're finding with our friends that so few are planning on coming along. We even asked people before booking anything because we wanted to get a gauge and we wanted people at our wedding. So many people told us yes yes. Now of course, we're getting excuse after excuse .

 

It's the point where we're almost regretting booking a destination wedding. I know it's about my FI and I and I am trying to stay focussed on that, but we always imagined ourselves being surrounded by our loved ones. If we had known that people wouldn't actually book, we probably would have just did it at home. As it is now, we've already put down 5k in deposits for things and it's too late to turn back without losing all of that. I'm trying to focus on the people that ARE coming and I know it will be a beautiful wedding. But yes, we're definitely disappointed.

 

Some of the excuses are so bad as you said too. What angers me the most are my FI's friends. A lot of them are saying no to the wedding, but YES to the bachelor party in Vegas! I told my FI I'd be very upset if his friends prioritized the bachelor party ahead of the wedding, and if they're only going to one, it should be the wedding! He gave me a they want a "boys weekend" excuse, but it sounds very lame to me. I just don't get that mentality at all

Edited May 29, 2014 by tygrrlily

[kellymiller]

I'm so sorry you are going through that @@SamanthaC. We haven't sent out the invitations yet with the booking deadlines, but we are preparing ourselves for people dropping out. I'm sure we will get some, as the deadline will be sometime in Christmas, so I'm sure we will get the "we can't afford to come after Christmas etc" excuses, but we gave a year notice to everyone we invited. We know that some people won't be able to come for cost reasons, but we totally understand. We know that we will have a great time with the guests that do come, so that it what we are focusing on!

[lizandkeevin]

@SamanthaC When I read "well at least you fiance didn't RSVP he isn't coming" OMG I almost peed my pants!!!!
Seriously that's a great way to look at it.

[BusyBee280]

We are going through this as well... It's disappointing but at the same time out was what we wanted to begin with- people who really do want to come, will. We even payed for our friends flight because he came to us worried about money.

 

If someone drops out without an actual excuse *pregnancy *loss of a job and doesn't want to work out something with us (there are three guests that we have payed for everything for) then I'm assuming they don't really want to be there

[SamanthaC]

Thanks ladies as sad as this sounds it really does help knowing other people are going through the same thing as me....I try to stay positive about it but trust me i have had a good amount of break downs about it! I feel bad for my FI he keeps telling me if i want to cancel and just have it here that we can do that but i really don't i just can't help but be emotional about it. 

 

@@tygrrlily Did the same thing run through your head as it did mine BIRTH CONTROL lol like you knew this was happening! You didn't plan it but you didn't prevent it! It's very hard to be happy for someone and upset with them at the same time. I also know semi how you feel about the bachelor party thing. We are having a reception back home summer of 2015 [getting married in Feb] and when i was talking to my dad about why hes not coming he said "Well i am sure i can convince your mom to come to the reception here" ...I literally laughed at him and let him know that if they don't coming to the wedding [money isn't a factor here they go on a huge cruise at least once a yr] then don't expect an invite to the reception here. I really don't feel I was wrong here if it was a money issue we would help pay for them to go! 

 

@@BusyBee280 i 100% get where your coming from we can't afford to flat out pay for all our friends tickets but we did offer some of them a deal. My FI is a web developer [designs/makes websites- we have a BEAUTIFUL wedding website] so we told them if they found him some work he would do the work and put all profits toward the person who found him work ticket. Of course no one took advantage of it and instead of actually trying they just aren't coming. 

 

@@kellymiller The best thing you can do is prepare yourself! Especially if its around Christmas...that could make it very hard. I don't think people get that the deposit is only a small amount then you have so much time to get the rest of your money in. If you can't save up 1500-2000 in over a yr then something is wrong!

[tygrrlily]

@@SamanthaC - Haha that's exactly what went through my head, as bad as that sounds! We had actually talked about this before, and we've been joking about it the last 2 months since I got engaged. SHE was the one actually saying she better not get pregnant b/c she didn't want to right now because she has a 1 year old. So when she told me she was pregnant, I actually thought she was joking at first because she had made SUCH a big deal about it. And yes, I don't get how people just don't use birth control if they don't want to get pregnant?? Seems like a no brainer - that's what we do. So yes, I'm very happy for her but kind of selfishly upset too. I'm trying really hard to get over it because I love her and ultimately am happy, but just so disappointed with the timing of it all

 

I hope you feel better. It's funny because they say planning a destination wedding is easy, but I've found it super stressful so far!

 

We've JUST decided to have an AHR after our wedding because we're both kind of crushed that so many people aren't coming. We're the last of his friends to get married, and it's almost as if they've all moved on from weddings, you know. So we're going to have a big party when we get back which with open bar and food stations/hors d'oeuvres and a dj. So kind of weddingish, but without all of the ceremonial stuff. This is has made me feel A LOT better. We're also not going to tell people about it yet until closer to the wedding because we still want people to come to our wedding, and we're afraid they'll say "oh we'll just go to that instead". Like you, it isn't about the money at all for a lot of these people. The ppl that can't come because of cost, I totally get.

 

Is an AHR an option as well for you?

Edited May 30, 2014 by tygrrlily

[ASAtobe]

This is one of my biggest worries!! I have had so many people saying yes we are coming but I don't know if they are actually going to do it. I know my brother, sister in law, mother, and best friend will be there but I am unsure about anyone else! No one wants to put a deposit down yet and I'm pretty sure most of my people if they come will just book it themselves but this is frustrating because people said they were coming but now its difficult to get them to really commit. However I still have a year to go so I'm hoping for the best. When did people start booking for yours?

[BusyBee280]

My parents booked a few weeks after my FI and I (1 month after choosing resort)

 

We ended up paying for my brother and his wife to go, so we booked them when we booked ours (my mother had a lot to do with that one)

 

My FI's mother, father, brother, sister, grandmother, and two other people all booked together (I guess they take major trips all the time, and always book that way) and that was a few weeks ago (2 months after choosing the resort)

 

We only have two people left,

 

a friend of ours (who came to us about issues with money) so we may end up fronting some of huge cost to get him booked. (His flight is booked though)

 

And my MOH- she has not booked anything yet, but works full time with school- so I can kindof understand why. We still have 5 months left so I'm not too worried.

[SamanthaC]

@@tygrrlily Yes we are having an AHR nothing big i am in the process of looking for places to have that right now. I want it to be extremely cost effective so i am in the process of trying to fine a nice cheap place outside! On our wedding website it talks about how we will be having an AHR but have no details i never really thought of leaving it out because maybe people would just choose the cheaper route...but now i am wondering if i should of. I would never miss any of my friends/close families weddings but sometimes you forget not everyone feels the same way you do!

 

I also read a post on here about AHR Guest favors....are you planning on doing this? This thought never crossed my mind until i read about it on this site. Of course who ever comes to the DW are getting favors!

@@ASAtobe We are getting married Feb 25, 2015 so our deposits are due by June 19th! so its getting close! Everyone is starting to book now but at the same time a lot are dropping out now. I think we will probably have around 20 people most of which are my FI friends and family, I am just thankful my MOH which is also my cousin her and her bf and son are coming.

@@BusyBee280 I wish we could afford to pay for everyone to come! i have been debating even just paying for my 1 friend who i know can't afford it...but really we can'y afford it either especially with having an AHR as well. I never thought of people booking there own tickets through there own travel agent...i did wonder though if people would wait to get like "last min deals" but then i need to know how many people are coming so i can make sure we have enough favors and enough places for dinner ext ext..