Maid Of Honor Trouble

[liz24]

Okay I need to Vent!!! I'm sure my friends, family, and co-workers are all sick of hearing about my issues so I need to come here. I chose my best friend of 8 years to be my maid of honor. She lives in Florida and I moved to Illinois about 5 years ago. We have kept in touch throughout the years and nothing has changed with our friendship until now. Even though she was so far away that didn't bother me. I can be a control freak so doing all the work was okay with me. Especially since I had 14 months to plan this wedding. I probably waited about 4 months to even ask anyone to stand up in the wedding. I wanted to be sure that these people were coming to the wedding so they wouldnt feel obligated. My maid of honor was thrilled to be in the wedding and we talked on the phone and she helped me where she could. My wedding is May 31, 2014. My MOH has been hounding me for 3 months to find her a roommate. Everyone coming to the wedding has a roommate. This should not be my issue. But being  a  good friend I didn't say anything and asked around for her. Two weeks ago she finally realized that she was most likely going to have to room alone. Now all of a sudden the excuses start pouring in. 1.She is starting a new job in april and wont have pto for 90 days so she probaby cant come to the wedding now. (remember this is only 3 months before my wedding!!!!) Also side note... She already works at this hospital part time and is going full time. Shouldn't she already have the time requested off and just take the vacation no pay? I mean she did have 14 months to prepare for this wedding that she is the MOH in.

2. She thinks she has tachycardia (heart beat over 100bpm)

Did I mention that she couldn't tell me this herself but her mother had to facebook message me? Her mom said she can't come now because she can't fly with her "condition"

Well she did a holtar cardiac test and guess what!!!??? the test came back normal and nothing was wrong with her.

 

Oh and everytime she gives me an excuse she always ends it with my wedding party doesnt contact her back to see if she can room with someone.

This definately shows me that all it comes down to is she doesnt want to spend the money to room alone. Money shouldnt be an issue when she had 14 months to save up.

3. Now she wants to come for one day. She wants to fly in on my wedding day and leave the next morning. Did I mentiion that she doesn't want to pay for a room and just stay up all night. She said when everyone goes to bed she will just hang out in the hotel lobby.

I asked her why she didnt just stay for 3 days? She could come after work on fri and leave mon.

her response was that they needed her on the weekends cause it was the "busy" time. okay i get that but she would already be missing sat and i know she wasnt going back to work sunday after traveling and not sleeping. So once again it all boils down to $$$$$

heres the kicker...the straw that broke the camels back!!!

4. Since she wouldnt be paying for a hotel room she would have to pay $50 each way for transfers from hotel to the airport and vise versa.

She had the audacity to ask me to pay for these transfers instead of giving her a "materialistic" present.

All she has done is cause me stress and hasn't helped me at all. So I don't know why she even feels entitled to a present. Shouldn't I be the one to get a present? Granted I was going to but still who has the nerve to ask the bride to pay for anything?

My FI wants me to kick her out of the wedding party. I've definately been leaning towards that even though it will ruin our friendship. She has done nothing but be selfish and make everything about her. And if  I even mention once how this is my day she says Im a "bridezilla"

Ive been biting my tongue the whole time. She has not seen any bridezilla yet.

Any thoughts on what I should do???

[csho]

Ohh this is a tough situation. What if she was able to find a friend to come with her to room with? Would that be possible? And if she's not staying at the resort she'd have to pay a day fee wouldn't she to be there? And she would be spending all that money on the flight anyway to get there? It just seems a bit ridiculous to me. Its hard to say what I'd do, but I think I would just let her if she can't make it, I'd understand. Seems like a lot of hassle and money to literally stay for the day. And what if there are any delays with her flights and she doesn't even make it in time for the wedding? Its not uncommon for flight delays. Is she aware of all these things? Theres a lot of stress with planning a wedding as is. I'd almost say never mind to her because you don't want to be stressing on your wedding day wondering if she'll make it or not.

[liz24]

I've tried to get her to bring a friend she can't find anyone. And the day fee is for people not staying at the hotel. It's $80 which her room would be around $144. So I'm thinking she's just trying to save $? I'm really hurt over all this. I would do anything to be there for her on her special day. Or I guess I would have. If she's coming for just one day I would rather her just stay home. Not to mention it would be nice to have her help prior to the wedding. I get that it's expensive and if she would've told me from the beginning she can't afford it I would completely understand. But to do this to me 3 months before my wedding!? Ugh!!!! So frustrating!!!! And I brought up the flight situation to her and she said Florida the only state without flight cancelations. I find this hard to believe that any airport can promise this. Anything can come up! But I agree I think I'm just going to continue forward without a MOH

@@csho

[csho]

That's crazy! I know my parents flight to Cuba was recently delayed because of bad weather in Georgia... flights come and go from other places where there are weather issues or sometimes there are mechanical issues. I don't believe there are no flight delays and/or cancellations!

 

Unfortunately you aren't the only person who has been in this predicament. Not that that's very helpful, but I guess it just means that you really find out who your true friends are. I avoided this by not asking any friends to be in my bridal party and only had my sister and sister in law, as I didn't want anyone to feel pressured to come I know you said you waited to make sure, but friends can be flakier then family. I had a few friends who I though above anyone else would be there and they aren't coming, I was a bit disappointed in the beginning but have come to terms with it. Its just not viable for them and I get that. But for her to say that she was coming and then cause all these problems... its like shes just trying to be difficult. Do you have anyone else in your bridal party? Both my sister and sister in law have daughters just under 2 years old, so even though one of my best friends isn't actually in my bridal party, she's helped me with a lot of my projects and decisions and shes going to get ready with me and everything because I know my bridal party will be busy with their daughters and I may not be able to count on them 100% that day since kids are unpredictable. And that's ok with me. I think you are making the best decision for your own sanity!

[acw271011]

it's unfortunate that you have to go through all of this. I would bet if you talked to every single bride and bride to be on this site, every one of them would have some little tidbit similar to this, in some way shape or form. I've said it before..  lol  nothing brings out the worst in people more than weddings and funerals. or the worst in your family members either!

 

chin up! your wedding will be wonderful! You're marrying the man you love in a tropical paradise! it is your day no matter what anyone says and anyone, friend or otherwise that is ungracious enough to add this kind of stress, is not worth worrying about. I would just tell her politely that you're very sorry she won't be able to make it, you really would love to see her there, but you realize sometimes things don't always work out as planned. then I would just tell her, again politely, that you will still have wonderful memories of your wedding because you're marrying blank (whatever your FI's name is) in wherever it is and that's all you need for it to be special. sometimes not allowing somebody to see how much something upsets you works the opposite way. reverse psychology lol

 

good luck! it will all work out in the end.

[jackshayne0123]

@@acw271011 I completely agree with everything you said! Especially it is your day no matter what anyone says and anyone, friend or otherwise that is ungracious enough to add this kind of stress, is not worth worrying about. UNGRACIOUS being the key word. @@liz24 I am so sorry you are in this position, it's terrible of your friend to do this to you! I think you're on the right track, be polite and understanding and tell her if it's too much hassle and too expensive, then nevermind. She will see pictures once you're back. It is your day and it will be lovely and beautiful and amazing and you don't need the stress and worry and drama! It is very unfortunate events are unfolding like this, and of course it is very upsetting and hurtful, but for your own peace of mind, to enjoy the rest of the plannig process, and the excitement leading up to your wonderful day, maybe it is best this girl stays at home.

 

All the best, keep us posted!

[liz24]

@@csho I have my sister, sister in-law, and another friend standing up. The sides will be a little uneven now but I would rather have that then deal with all the stress

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for your input ladies!!! I will definitely take your advise and have a talk with her and just tell her it's best not to come.

Good luck with all your wedding plans

[csho]

Ours is going to be uneven too! Our friend was originally going to officiate for us; however, they were ones who decided not to come in the end. So my sister is actually going to be my MOH and our officiant as well (we're only doing a symbolic ceremony) and at first I thought it was going to look really weird, but I have looked at some photos and its very common and its not even noticeable in the photos!!

[jackshayne0123]

Ours is going to be uneven too! Our friend was originally going to officiate for us; however, they were ones who decided not to come in the end. So my sister is actually going to be my MOH and our officiant as well (we're only doing a symbolic ceremony) and at first I thought it was going to look really weird, but I have looked at some photos and its very common and its not even noticeable in the photos!!

I agree, your attendants don't have to be equal, it's quite common now and so not even noticeable! Wedding photos aren't like they used to be, where everyone lines up and they are super formal, with more modern, fun photos you can't even tell

[acw271011]

I had the problem solved! lol I didn't have any attendants!! The two wedding coordinators signed our marriage licence! I will admit when everything went wrong I was hearbroken. but in the end it was my husband that laid down the law and gave me a choice. He didn't want everyone else ruining our plans, and in the end he was totally right (geez I hate to admit that!!) We wanted Jamaica on a certain date. In the end we were just the two of us, in Jamaica, but with all the stupidity I didn't get my date. Close enough though.

 

The most important thing is that we got married in a beautiful spot with the beautiful blue water in the background. It did all work out in the end! And it will for you ladies too! Just don't let anyone else bring you down!

 

Happly planning!!!