Long story - Advice needed

[1elephant]

i say send it. be the bigger person, and do it - that way, 10 years from now, the brother can't pin this on your FI.

[starfish kate]

I agree with everyone else, they need to be invited. Also, I would make sure that I tell them that "I don't understand why you're feeling this way, but I want you to know that you are my brother and as much as I'd like you to be there and stand up as my best man, I know you have reasons why you cannot." OK, maybe a chick would say this and not a guy, but there's probably a way to get this point across.

[beachbride08]

Thanks Ladies for all your input, I really appreciate it. I have just been sick over this whole thing, and needed to get some outside advise. Mike and I talked about it last night, and he still doesn't want to invite his brother because of the way he has been acting, and feels his brother owes him an apology. He doesn't even care that he said he is not coming to the wedding since there has been more things that he has said that have hurt Mike that have nothing to do with the wedding.

[boscobel]

I haven't read any comments yet, but I think you should def send one to the brother. Leaving him out does more harm then good.

 

That being said, the situation sucks and everything seems ridic with the way he was acting. Perhaps he is just unhappy in his own life right now, with 2 small children. I know that can be hard, my sis has a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Maybe he is just taking the stress out on the wrong person. Or maybe he is really upset that he can't be there, so he is taking it out on your FI.

 

I know, maybe, maybe, maybe. But I don't think you should leave them out.

[starchild]

Unbelievable. Send it. If FI doesn't want to I don't know - do you sneak behind FI's back to send it and meddle in his family affairs or do you not send it and perpetuate the rift? Maybe when FI cools down he'll agree to send it and be done with it. The ball will then be in the other court and it will truly be out of your hands. So sorry, sometimes family cuts the deepest (

[JUSTUSTWO]

You should definitely send it. If he's being this difficult now, can you imagine his reaction when he finds out that everyone else received a STD but he didn't?

Keep being the bigger person and in the meantime try to ignore him. I know this is easier said than done considering that this is family, but still try.

This is supposed to be a happy time for you, not stressful!

[Yari]

Quote:

Originally Posted by beachbride08 Thanks Ladies for all your input, I really appreciate it. I have just been sick over this whole thing, and needed to get some outside advise. Mike and I talked about it last night, and he still doesn't want to invite his brother because of the way he has been acting, and feels his brother owes him an apology. He doesn't even care that he said he is not coming to the wedding since there has been more things that he has said that have hurt Mike that have nothing to do with the wedding.

Good luck Michelle! I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Perhaps in a couple of days your FI will calm down and will agree to send the STD out. He is probably hurting right now, I mean his own brother is acting like a jerk. I hope everything pans out.

[babycow]

IMO-I say send the STD and really do it because you want all your family there, not to show them you are taking the higher road.

You should remember men can be very sensitive when it comes to money issues, and it really sounds like he is being defensive and using a differnt excuse to not discuss his financial status.

Your FI should write a heartfelt letter (no emotional face to face outbursts) to his brother and let him know he understands he has to put his children first, but will miss having him near in a very special time in his life. Maybe once everyone calms down, perhaps FBIL will realize family is there to support him and he should try his best to support your FI in his (your) wedding. As far as the wife- sometimes a woman has to stick by her man.

Another route to take would be to have a frank talk with the wife and maybe get to the root of the problem- also, suggest leaving the kids behind as a way to have a romantic getaway- even if it is just a long weekend. Appeal to her romantic side, she might start thinking bout all the other great reasons to go (other than your wedding of course) hehe!

[newfiebride]

That sucks. I agree with the everyone else that you should send it, even if they dont plan on going, b/c they are family.... I kind of had a similar situation where everyone was so gung-ho to go when we first mentioned it until the invites were sent out. My sis, who is also my MOH, also called me selfish at one point for choosing a DW b/c it was too expensive....but i told her she was not being forced to go.....

[shannon]

I definitely say send the STD- that way it's off your shoulders- you did what you could... the ball is in their court.

I'm in a kinda similar situation- my parents don't approve of my and my FI's interracial relationship -we've dated for 10 years- and lived together for the past 4- and they've never met him- refused. I sent them a STD- and will send them an invitation- I have told then over letters/email- that I do not want them there if they can't be supportive and truly happy that their daughter is happy- that they will receive all the information -but I only want them there if they can figure out a way by May to support my decision, the person I love, and my marriage. Honestly, I would rather them not come- but I figure for future grandchildren, etc- that I would at least send the information and tell them they are welcome if they can be supportive- maybe your FI can have a similar convo with his brother.... Good luck! Let us know how it goes... Believe me, I know how awful family drama can be.... Just focus on you and your FI in the meantime!