Can someone define "BRIDESMAID" to me??

[Jenn963]

Perhaps I have it all wrong... 

 

I'm a month away from the wedding....I got 2 bridesmaids!! TWO...thinking it was gonna be easy. One of them is my sister.  The other one is a friend....I thought it was goin to be easy because my sister I can handle, but my friend...she's always been very opinionated. Helpful, but opinionated and thinks she's ALWAYS right.... 

 

Her son is our ring bearer....we have yet to find his pants and shoes.  I am looking for a specific look.  The shoes I want are canvas style walking shoes.  All white. It has been extremely hard to find them in the middle of Fall in Canada. So as i always do (lol), I turn to eBay.  Found some....of course in the UK.  Shipping time 1-2 weeks..AWESOME! how much ? $25 including shipping...AWESOME...I dont think i am asking for TOO much.  The shirt we bought for him was almost FREE thanks to an amazing sale at H&M.  HER bridesmaid dress was a STEAL!! in comparison to other bridesmaids dresses i've heard of and read in the forums.  Her shoes...ALSO a bargain.  So what is the problem?

She doesn't like the shoes for her son.  She wants bulky runners with velcro straps because she wants shoes for him that he can wear till next summer.  She wants to pay more money for shoes that will look RIDICULOUS with dress pants simply because he will be able to wear them longer. I understand that it's her money....but i dont think i have asked for much these past 9 months. She really hasn't helped me (because I've done it all myself and haven't asked for much help) with my wedding things....we have gone shopping ONCE and it was for these damn shoes.  I told her...look....I don't want any passive aggressiveness so I'll be completely honest.  If this was your wedding, I'd be obliged to do what you say.  IT"S YOUR WEDDING.  your look, your vision, your day, you choose. NOT ME.   That's why you ASK someone to be a bridesmaid.  As a bridesmaid, You know you MAY have to spend hundreds on a dress you will never wear again...happens all the time.  Difference here is, i HAVENT made them spend hundreds on their dress...i let them choose their own shoes and jewellery, i do not care about her make up or hair style...i've left it all up to them.  BECAUSE i KNOW they are spending over a grand to come to our wedding. So i BELIEVE i'm being flexible.

 

that being said, AM I ASKING FOR TOO MUCH?? am I being a bridezilla here?  I will not take offense if you think I am......I just want an honest opinion on this.  

 

She is "offended" she says to me....OFFENDED.  because I'm asking her to buy inexpensive shoes that will go with the look I WANT for the ring bearer at MY wedding....

perhaps it's blown out of proportion...i'm sure this will just go away....but I am in awe.  

I am so frustrateddddddd!!!! 

[csho]

Perhaps I have it all wrong...  I'm a month away from the wedding....I got 2 bridesmaids!! TWO...thinking it was gonna be easy. One of them is my sister.  The other one is a friend....I thought it was goin to be easy because my sister I can handle, but my friend...she's always been very opinionated. Helpful, but opinionated and thinks she's ALWAYS right....  Her son is our ring bearer....we have yet to find his pants and shoes.  I am looking for a specific look.  The shoes I want are canvas style walking shoes.  All white. It has been extremely hard to find them in the middle of Fall in Canada. So as i always do (lol), I turn to eBay.  Found some....of course in the UK.  Shipping time 1-2 weeks..AWESOME! how much ? $25 including shipping...AWESOME...I dont think i am asking for TOO much.  The shirt we bought for him was almost FREE thanks to an amazing sale at H&M.  HER bridesmaid dress was a STEAL!! in comparison to other bridesmaids dresses i've heard of and read in the forums.  Her shoes...ALSO a bargain.  So what is the problem? She doesn't like the shoes for her son.  She wants bulky runners with velcro straps because she wants shoes for him that he can wear till next summer.  She wants to pay more money for shoes that will look RIDICULOUS with dress pants simply because he will be able to wear them longer. I understand that it's her money....but i dont think i have asked for much these past 9 months. She really hasn't helped me (because I've done it all myself and haven't asked for much help) with my wedding things....we have gone shopping ONCE and it was for these damn shoes.  I told her...look....I don't want any passive aggressiveness so I'll be completely honest.  If this was your wedding, I'd be obliged to do what you say.  IT"S YOUR WEDDING.  your look, your vision, your day, you choose. NOT ME.   That's why you ASK someone to be a bridesmaid.  As a bridesmaid, You know you MAY have to spend hundreds on a dress you will never wear again...happens all the time.  Difference here is, i HAVENT made them spend hundreds on their dress...i let them choose their own shoes and jewellery, i do not care about her make up or hair style...i've left it all up to them.  BECAUSE i KNOW they are spending over a grand to come to our wedding. So i BELIEVE i'm being flexible. that being said, AM I ASKING FOR TOO MUCH?? am I being a bridezilla here?  I will not take offense if you think I am......I just want an honest opinion on this.   She is "offended" she says to me....OFFENDED.  because I'm asking her to buy inexpensive shoes that will go with the look I WANT for the ring bearer at MY wedding.... perhaps it's blown out of proportion...i'm sure this will just go away....but I am in awe.   I am so frustrateddddddd!!!! 

Its a tough one...I don't think you're being bridezilla, but I think our weddings are important to us and even if someone is in your wedding its not as important to them unfortunately. But maybe you can buy them for him if she is unwilling to budge on her decision? That way you get the look you want and she has no reason to say no. If she still says no then maybe there is something she doesn't feel safe about him wearing them or something?

[Jenn963]

Quote:

Originally Posted by csho 


Its a tough one...I don't think you're being bridezilla, but I think our weddings are important to us and even if someone is in your wedding its not as important to them unfortunately. But maybe you can buy them for him if she is unwilling to budge on her decision? That way you get the look you want and she has no reason to say no. If she still says no then maybe there is something she doesn't feel safe about him wearing them or something?

 

Yah....i spoke with her yesterday....i knew this was gonna blow over...it's just a bump....she was not saying "no i wont buy those"...she was simply giving me her opinion on them but she meant to say that she was going to buy the shoes if they were my choice.  I just don't know why that couldn't have been said from the get-go lol would have avoided this whole issue.  either way, I bought the shoes and he will be wearing them. Problem solved.  ahhhhh 26 days left.....perhaps i need to start taking chill pills LOL

[csho]

Yah....i spoke with her yesterday....i knew this was gonna blow over...it's just a bump....she was not saying "no i wont buy those"...she was simply giving me her opinion on them but she meant to say that she was going to buy the shoes if they were my choice.  I just don't know why that couldn't have been said from the get-go lol would have avoided this whole issue.  either way, I bought the shoes and he will be wearing them. Problem solved.  ahhhhh 26 days left.....perhaps i need to start taking chill pills LOL

Oh good I am glad its all sorted out!! Yeah I think because we don't have much control over what really happens the day of we try to take control and control everything else around us and our wedding... But I think we just need to relax at the end of the day are you really going to remember the shoes your ring bearer wore or what the programs looked like? No we're going to remember the awesome memories we made at our wedding! but I know I can kind of be a freak over little details so I completely get where you are coming from!