Best Friend - MOH wrong pick :(

Nybride525 · June 3, 2014

I told the bm they were in the bridal party but didn't specify moh. I can't decide if I need to do that bc my sister would be my choice but I feel odd segregating the bms

kmk2016 · June 3, 2014

I have both a man and matron of honor. They are both important to me and will be there for me in different ways. I know the man of honor will pretty much not do anything leading up to the big day- and will care less about the planning, but he will be my humor and strength the day of the wedding and knows me better than anyone. He's been my best friend for over 25 yrs. my MoH has only been my friend for 5 years now, but was there while I healed from my divorce and has watched my relationship with my FI at every step. They are the perfect combo team.

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SamanthaC · June 3, 2014

I got really lucky in this area! I have 2 really good friends and i was having a hard time picking between them who would be my MOH i eventually decided that it wasn't fair to pick between them so i decided to ask my cousin who i am really close with. It was an awesome experience when i asked her she was so happy she cried i cried and shes been wonderful! Also since then my 2 "really good friends" have both dropped out of the wedding and aren't attending.

ASAtobe · June 10, 2014

I'm having the same issue! I asked my cousin basically the moment after I got engaged and she said yes....Well since then my sister in law and my best friend have really stepped up. My cousin isn't even staying at the same resort that everyone else is so she isn't really going to be able to help. All she has really done is complain to me and she doesnt' even live in the same state so she really hasn't been any help (even though my sis in law lives almost across the country and she always has input or ideas). I don't want her to even really be apart of the bridal party anymore but I don't know how to unask ( I would love it to just be my best friend and my sis in law but I don't really think there is a way around it...

stefadile · June 11, 2014

ASAtobe why don't you talk to her about it? Take her aside and just tell her how you are feeling about it. Maybe it'll help clear the air between you two. Maybe there's a reason she hasn't been stepping up, and just complaining. Hope it works our for, its so upsetting when people you have counted on let you down , in your hour of need.

BusyBee280 · June 11, 2014

Honestly I am unsure- My MOH has not done a damn thing either lol, but then again I haven't asked. I pretty much had it in my head from the beginning that I would be doing everything myself- My MOH has a very intense job, and is a full time student. If I were to choose people to help with the wedding, I would either have no bridal party, or a very large one, and my mother would definitely be included...

Does she have the available time to help with something like this? Maybe you should simply sit her down and talk to her about it.

Perhaps you could suggest scheduling some time to sit down- Once every other week for two hours to meet and go over things that you need her assistance with. When I meet with my MOH, I make a list of questions, and things I need to discuss with her. To help things along maybe you could schedule to meet somewhere like a pool or for lunch.

ASAtobe · June 11, 2014

@stefadile@BusyBee280 I can't really sit down with her because I live in Georgia and She lives in Northern Va. I think maybe I expect so much of her because my best friend is so excited and is constantly sending me ideas and asking me questions and trying to help. Even when it came to picking the resort my cousin gave me ideas but she will always say if you pick a resort to expensive you can facetime me on the day of the wedding. I know shes joking but when I have someone who is so supportive its hard to have this other person who isnt. I don't even really expect her to do anything I just want her enthusiasm or her to at least acknowledge that something is going on. I dont' know if its me being a baby and spoiled about it but I would love for her to at least question how things are going.

kmk2016 · June 11, 2014

Are both your BFF and your cousin married/single? Could you make one your matron of honor and the other your maid of honor? Can you share the workload? Does it really matter who has the "lead title"? I would lean on your BFF/bridesmaid as much as you need - and not expect your MoH to step up too much until you are there for your wedding week. You can tell her she's off the hook till your plane touches down and she is in the same city and then your cashing in all your MoH tokens... Make it light hearted and joking- but that way she knows you will need her eventually but for now- share how happy you are to have bridesmaids that are stepping up and being supportive. Thank yous and hugs go a long way... I'm sure your support team isn't jealous that they don't have the "top billing" and are just thrilled to be a part of the process!

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stefadile · June 11, 2014

@@ASAtobe I didn't read your first post properly, and didn't realize that a sit down with her wouldn't be possible. Like @@kmk2016 was saying, tell her she's off the hook until your both on the same place! Then its full on MOH duties!!! :-)

Do include her in planning as you go along, when she sees how excited you are, she's sure to get excited too!!

My MOH is my sister, she's married and has 5 kids, so I'm not really depending on her too much, she's got enough to do, lol!! I've been turning my bridesmaid for help. :-)

mysticjade · June 11, 2014

My MOH is my sister, she's married and has 5 kids, so I'm not really depending on her too much, she's got enough to do, lol!! I've been turning my bridesmaid for help. :-)

Same with me; my MOH is my sister but she’s a surgical resident at a busy hospital a couple hours away from me. She barely has time to eat and sleep much less help me with wedding planning! My bridesmaid (SIL) is much closer and I’m leaning on her more for all the little details.

That being said, my MOH has put the time aside and shown up for the few important things I wanted her to be there for, like giving final approval for both my wedding dresses. I don’t expect her to do anything else except maybe a Bollywood dance at the Indian AHR.