Picked the wrong Maid of Honour

[shugapop1]

Originally Posted by deedeelala 

 

A co-MOH is such a great idea! I would have never thought of that!... I think I'll ask her nicely if she would prefer to be a bridesmaid and if she says no then I'll tell her my sister would like to be a co- MOH. Thank you so much ladies!! Hopefully everything goes well!

 

i had the same thing happen to me, honestly,  your friend is not happy for you, she jealous and doesn't know how to get over it. you have to be honest with yourself and just say hey,we're friends, but she is not happy for this portion of  my life, she makes excuses because she is not genuinely happy for you. it's brutal truth. but it's truth none the less. i had same happen with my best friend(or so i thought she was) . it's not a hard deision at all, you now have to be honest with her as you would've hoped she would have been with you. Just  explain to her that you understand she has things going in her life right now and that you need a MOH that is able to be a little more hands on and involved then she's able to dedicate herself to being right now and that you will need to ask somoenone else who has the time to dedicate for your special day. while it's personal, it's about handling business. besides you want a personn who's gonna be your MOH because they truly  will stand up for you in that respect, not someone there because you asked but half heartedly does the job. don't compromise your happiness, for someone who isn't really happy for you.

[Precious4598]

It sounds to me like the "friendship" is pretty much done. I don't think this girl wants to be your friend. Take it from me, you do not need ANYBODY in your wedding party bringing you down or making you miserable. The planning of your wedding (although it can become tedious and stressful) should be filled with nothing but positivity that will lead to fun and crazy memories. A crabby MOH, bridesmaid can make that experience heart-wrenching and bitter.

 

My advice to you is walk away from the idea of having her as your MOH, otherwise your wedding planning memories will be marred by this one person who you are not really close with. Your wedding party should consist of the people who are closet to you, who you share your most private thoughts with.

 

Who did you first call to tell you were engaged? (besides your parents) I'm guessing it was one of your sisters (or another member of your wedding party). That is who should of been your MOH.

 

Your sister has every right to be upset, it's your sister for goodness sake and you passed her up for a girl you barely speak too. I don't mean to sound harsh but family should of been your first thought for MOH.

 

This "friend" of yours does not sound interested in your special day or anything involving you for that matter. I would seriously think hard about pulling her out of the wedding party all together. I don't think the friendship can be saved. If you do decided to keep her in as a MOH or bridesmaid you run the risk of her possibly sabotaging your wedding by being difficult to deal with (which she has already proven) or pulling out at the last minute or not showing up at all.

 

When planning a wedding take it from me, you will need all the support you can get and an un-supportive member of a wedding party can put a damper on the experience.

 

Ditch the bitch. Tell her you have decided to go with your sisters as MOH (yes, pick both sisters to be your MOH), because it is only right -- after all you have known them all your life -- her you've only known for 5 years. Tell her since she is soooo busy with school, this will take off some of the pressure a MOH brings. Tell her she is welcome to be a bridesmaid, but I suspect the cop out you gave her about her being in school will give her a "light bulb" moment and she will use that same excuse as an excuse to not be in the wedding at all. She will however offer to be a guest at the wedding (which she will conveniently not show up for and if she does show up it will be out of sheer jealousy and curiosity and she will be gone before cocktail hour) freeing you of dealing with this MOH-therfucker!

[Precious4598]

It sounds to me like the "friendship" is pretty much done. I don't think this girl wants to be your friend. Take it from me, you do not need ANYBODY in your wedding party bringing you down or making you miserable. The planning of your wedding (although it can become tedious and stressful) should be filled with nothing but positivity that will lead to fun and crazy memories. A crabby MOH, bridesmaid can make that experience heart-wrenching and bitter.

 

My advice to you is walk away from the idea of having her as your MOH, otherwise your wedding planning memories will be marred by this one person who you are not really close with. Your wedding party should consist of the people who are closet to you, who you share your most private thoughts with.

 

Who did you first call to tell you were engaged? (besides your parents) I'm guessing it was one of your sisters (or another member of your wedding party). That is who should of been your MOH.

 

First off – sisters trump everybody! Your sister has every right to be upset, it's your sister for goodness sake and you passed her up for a girl you barely speak too. I don't mean to sound harsh but family should of been your first thought for MOH.

 

This "friend" of yours does not sound interested in your special day or anything involving you for that matter. I would seriously think hard about pulling her out of the wedding party all together. I don't think the friendship can be saved. If you do decided to keep her in as a MOH or bridesmaid you run the risk of her possibly sabotaging your wedding by being difficult to deal with (which she has already proven) or pulling out at the last minute or not showing up at all.

 

When planning a wedding take it from me, you will need all the support you can get and an un-supportive member of a wedding party can put a damper on the experience.

 

Ditch the bitch. Tell her you have decided to go with your sisters as MOH (yes, pick both sisters to be your MOH), because it is only right -- after all you have known them all your life -- her you've only known for 5 years. Tell her since she is soooo busy with school, this will take off some of the pressure a MOH brings. Tell her she is welcome to be a bridesmaid, but I suspect the cop out you gave her about her being in school will give her a "light bulb" moment and she will use that same excuse as an excuse to not be in the wedding at all. She will however offer to be a guest at the wedding (which she will conveniently not show up for and if she does show up it will be out of sheer jealousy and curiosity and she will be gone before cocktail hour) freeing you of dealing with this MOH-therfucker!

[Kasey04]

While I'm not at all denying that you have good points about the current maid of honor being shitty, I have to step in and defend the bride. She obviously feels bad enough over the situation and we don't need to berate her over the choice she made when she was excited about being engaged, and chose her MOH for a reason. I think we need to be a little more sensitive and less judgemental. Being a destination bride is challenging enough and we should support each other and help each other through the ups and downs.

It sounds to me like the "friendship" is pretty much done. I don't think this girl wants to be your friend. Take it from me, you do not need ANYBODY in your wedding party bringing you down or making you miserable. The planning of your wedding (although it can become tedious and stressful) should be filled with nothing but positivity that will lead to fun and crazy memories. A crabby MOH, bridesmaid can make that experience heart-wrenching and bitter. My advice to you is walk away from the idea of having her as your MOH, otherwise your wedding planning memories will be marred by this one person who you are not really close with. Your wedding party should consist of the people who are closet to you, who you share your most private thoughts with. Who did you first call to tell you were engaged? (besides your parents) I'm guessing it was one of your sisters (or another member of your wedding party). That is who should of been your MOH. First off – sisters trump everybody! Your sister has every right to be upset, it's your sister for goodness sake and you passed her up for a girl you barely speak too. I don't mean to sound harsh but family should of been your first thought for MOH. This "friend" of yours does not sound interested in your special day or anything involving you for that matter. I would seriously think hard about pulling her out of the wedding party all together. I don't think the friendship can be saved. If you do decided to keep her in as a MOH or bridesmaid you run the risk of her possibly sabotaging your wedding by being difficult to deal with (which she has already proven) or pulling out at the last minute or not showing up at all. When planning a wedding take it from me, you will need all the support you can get and an un-supportive member of a wedding party can put a damper on the experience. Ditch the bitch. Tell her you have decided to go with your sisters as MOH (yes, pick both sisters to be your MOH), because it is only right -- after all you have known them all your life -- her you've only known for 5 years. Tell her since she is soooo busy with school, this will take off some of the pressure a MOH brings. Tell her she is welcome to be a bridesmaid, but I suspect the cop out you gave her about her being in school will give her a "light bulb" moment and she will use that same excuse as an excuse to not be in the wedding at all. She will however offer to be a guest at the wedding (which she will conveniently not show up for and if she does show up it will be out of sheer jealousy and curiosity and she will be gone before cocktail hour) freeing you of dealing with this MOH-therfucker!

[Precious4598]

Not being judgemental at all. I'm reiterating a FACT that the bride herself mentioned about her sister being upset. And the fact is, her sister is the better choice. She asked for an opinion and I gave it to her. I am being very sensitive to her situation and trying to show her that wedding planning has it's darksides as well. It's not all cookie cutter all the time. And second, if I wasn't supporting her then I wouldn't have responded to her post.

 

deedeelala I hope your wedding planning is coming along and you have worked out your MOH issues. If you in any way feel upset about my post then I apologize. Take it one day at a time and remember BREATHE! Everybody is going to have their opinions and something to say -- but at the end of the day all that matters is wht you want and what you think.

 

Look at the bigger picture -- you are marrying the person of your dreams and nothing else really matters.

[deedeelala]

Hi ladies,

 

It is very hard to put a long story into few words so I can see why Precious4598 would think I did wrong in not picking my sister in the first place.. The reason I didn't pick my sister right away is because the two of us hadn't been speaking to each other for about a year until very recently and the two of us are very different when it comes to the way we live our lives. I thought by picking my friend instead of my sister I would avoid having confrontations with my sister (half the time we can't agree on anything) but with this whole situation I think it would have almost been better because confrontations and all, she would have been there for me.

 

I have tried to get in contact with my original MOH to talk about this situation and let her know that because she seems to have so much going on I think it would be better for my sister to become my MOH and that she is still welcome to be my bridesmaid; but my MOH hasn't even returned my calls or text for over a month. Even after I posted on my facebook bridesmaid group page that I needed some help in getting my save the dates ready so I can mail them next week. I could tell she read my post, and everyone else replied to it except for her. She texted me when my daughter was at the hospital and she sent her well wishes, but when I tried contacting her afterwards she just doesn't reply at all.

 

I really don't want to tell her I no longer want her to be my MOH over a text message, but if she doesn't get back to me soon I may be left with no other.

 

Thank you so much for all the support, all your thoughts have really helped me look at the situation from a different perspective. Kasey04 thank you for being so kind!! You are right, being a destination wedding bride can be challenging. I wish the best to all of you!!

[sky186]

Just for the record, I think it's COMPLETELY ok if you want to have an engagement party and a bridal shower! I am so sick hearing how people are judging us DW brides for having what every other bride gets to have. Yes, our guests are paying extra to come to our wedding. But the things is, I would NEVER expect/want my guests that are coming to the wedding to get me a gift, but what about the other 80% of people invited that aren't coming? Go forth and enjoy your parties 

Loved this comment I completely agree