Is it okay to have a Stag and Doe??

[foxytv]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bride_2_b08 For our stag and doe we planned the whole thing and did all the work. We didnt want our wedding party to have any extra expenses. We had one b/c most of our friends wont be able to make it to the wedding. We had a table of prizes and any one that wanted to get a prize bought tickets at the door (arm length for $20) like i mention in an earlier post we had some really great prizes so one person won a $700 spa basket for $20. We had some games but not many people played them. It just like a big party with all your friends/family. All the ones I have been to are a ton of fun. Generally people come to help out the couple getting married with expenses for the wedding. I am from a very small town and everyone knows everyone and we all want to help each other out.

That really does sound totally fun! Did you have the prizes donated or did you have to shell out the cost for the prizes?

[bride_2_b08]

I was a manager at a pub and our beer reps donated a bunch of stuff. A few others donated stuff and we bought a ton of it. It really was a blast!! but a lot of work planning it.

[dragonfly]

I had a Jack and Jill thrown for me the first time I got married. My friends put it together and it was a surprise, they made enough money to send us on a mini honeymoon to Myrtle Beach. They had things like Roullette, 21, poker , 50/50 draws, and door prizes. There was a covercharge, cash bar, and a dance. My friends and family donated all the food, and a good time was had by all. I was 19 years old, had a baby and my friends thought a honeymoon was necessary.

 

I would never have had one this time around, money is not really an issue, and I asked my friends and family to do so much just travelling to the Caribbean, I would have been embarrassed if anything like this had been done for us.

 

What I am saying is it depends on your circumstaces a to if this is a good idea, I do think however others should be throwing it for you, it would feel to much like, help me pay for my wedding, if you threw it for yourselves. If you are going to throw one youselves I would feel out your family and friends first to see how they feel about it.

[saraece]

Reading the post a stag and doe do sound like a money grab. But I have been to a few and it never felt that way. We usually pay $10 to get in and booze is super cheap ($2/bottle of beer) that is why so many get drunk. You usually walk away with a prize worth more then the 10 it cost you to get in. And you get to party with friends. It has always been a good time and cost me about what it would have cost me to go to a bar for the night. Better the money go to someone I know.

[starchild]

Beef and beers...I swear I learn so much here! That's a nice idea.

[saraece]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoBride I have heard of these before and they sound like fun. Like many said before, it would not fly with my friends and family but if it is common in your area with your circle of friends then why not? It does not sound the same as having a shower. It actually sounds like when we throw beef and beers here. My friends and I throw a beef and beer every year to raise money for a scholarship fund in memory of one of our friends that died a few years back. We rent a hall, have tons of food and drink, people donate gift certificates and stuff and we wrap everything in nice baskets and have a silent auction for it. We also do a 50/50 and door prizes. All the proceeds go to the scholarship fund. This is pretty common around here but the money always goes to a scolarship fund or for someone who is seriously ill and can't afford all the medical costs. So if someone had one to raise money for a wedding it would be seen as selfish and frivolous I think, but again it's a regional thing.

What you do is a wonderful fundraiser for a great cause.
I don't think we want anyone to feel Selfish or Frivolous for having one for a wedding though.

[Jenn08]

Thank you to everyone again for their feedback! You all really helped me come up with a plan I feel good about. Here's the details:

 

I asked most of my wedding party how they'd feel about a Stag and Doe and they're actually REALLY into it! As for everyone else, I think that they would want to come. It will be a chance for us to party with those not coming to Mexico.

 

For those who ARE COMING to Mexico it really does seem unfair to ask them to pay to come to a party for us... so I won't. For anyone whose paid their deposit on the trip I'm going to GIVE them a ticket. All drinks/food is included so for them it will just be a "get to know everyone coming to the wedding" party!

 

We're truly not looking to make any money off our wedding which is part of why we chose destination in the first place. However, the $ we bring in from the S&D will enable us have a little more at the wedding we are having. And people don't feel like they're donating.

 

So that's the master plan! Special thanks to the Canadian girls for helping me explain the whole Stag & Doe concept and sharing their stories!!

 

Jenn

[Spazz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenn08 Thank you to everyone again for their feedback! You all really helped me come up with a plan I feel good about. Here's the details: I asked most of my wedding party how they'd feel about a Stag and Doe and they're actually REALLY into it! As for everyone else, I think that they would want to come. It will be a chance for us to party with those not coming to Mexico. For those who ARE COMING to Mexico it really does seem unfair to ask them to pay to come to a party for us... so I won't. For anyone whose paid their deposit on the trip I'm going to GIVE them a ticket. All drinks/food is included so for them it will just be a "get to know everyone coming to the wedding" party! We're truly not looking to make any money off our wedding which is part of why we chose destination in the first place. However, the $ we bring in from the S&D will enable us have a little more at the wedding we are having. And people don't feel like they're donating. So that's the master plan! Special thanks to the Canadian girls for helping me explain the whole Stag & Doe concept and sharing their stories!! Jenn

That sounds like a great plan, Jenn! Keep us updated on how it goes!

[Maggie&Darryl08]

Go for it! We're having a Jack & Jill (same thing) about 3 weeks before the wedding. I didn't realize until reading all this that it is a "Canadian thing". (This forum is GREAT!!)

 

We had reservations in the beginning for the same reasons as discussed throughout this thread but in the end our friends and family convinced us that it was the only way everyone could really celebrate with us. We only have 14 going with us to the DW and we do not want to have a shower or anything like that.

 

We plan to help with prizes, food, set up, etc. and I agree that anyone who is paying to join us in Jamaica will not be paying to attend the J&J. We plan to give those people a few free drink tickets as well. We are also paying for a live band to play at the J&J so it should make for a really great party. We are hoping to make enough to help cover the private dinner cost. Since the majority of our guests are staying at other resorts, we have to pay for day passes onto the resort which aren't cheap. Every little bit helps!!!

[donandcorri]

We do the same thing in Manitoba only it's called a social. They're held for weddings or charitable causes.

It's actually sort of expected where I'm from. The first thing out of a lot of people's mouths when I told them I was having a destination wedding was "You're still having a social right??".

 

I had a lot of fun at my social & got to celebrate with a lot of people who aren't able to join us in Mexico.

 

I say - go for it! You won't be offending anybody as it sounds like a stag & doe/jack & jill is as much of a tradition/expectation as socials in Manitoba.