Anyone else not doing invitations for the DW, just the AHR?

[JanetandDan2014]

I have a bit of a unique situation and I am wondering if anyone else has this going on. 

 

We both have large families and multiple groups of friends.  We are having the DW (4/24/14) and a semi formal AHR (6/14/14) to include (225-240 people).  We are not planning to do formal invitiations for the DW.  We are planning to just do a Save the Date for the AHR.  We have the unique situation where we have several groups that we prefer DO NOT attend the DW (cousins, friends that drink a lot, annoying relatives, etc.).  We know that the very immediate family of parents, siblings and spouses, neices and nephews will be attending as well as a few of ours and our parents very "best friends".  These people we are in regular contact with and have just been telling them the information as we receive it from the travel agent, etc.  I expect with this immediate group that we will have approximately 30-50 people at the DW.  My concern is what to do with the AHR.  I have heard many people saying that they showed their wedding video, had a slideshow of photos, etc for the guests that could not attend.  i feel like I can't do that because the guests that didn't attend, (while they may not have anyway), they may not have because they were not technically invited. 

 

Does anyone else have something similar to this? 

I have gone back and forth and also considered inviting all 250 guests to the destination wedding, but really can't take the chance that it could grow to be 150 people traveling to Mexico with me.    I feel like the immediate family, very close friend option is a better choice but I don't know how to handle that with the formal AHR. 

 

Help! 

[JanetandDan2014]

 

 

Edit below in Red 

 

I have a bit of a unique situation and I am wondering if anyone else has this going on. 

 

We both have large families and multiple groups of friends.  We are having the DW (4/24/14) and a semi formal AHR (6/14/14) to include (225-240 people).  We are not planning to do formal invitiations for the DW.  We are planning to just do a Save the Date and Formal Invitation for the AHR.  We have the unique situation where we have several groups that we prefer DO NOT attend the DW (cousins, friends that drink a lot, annoying relatives, etc.).  We know that the very immediate family of parents, siblings and spouses, neices and nephews will be attending as well as a few of ours and our parents very "best friends".  These people we are in regular contact with and have just been telling them the information as we receive it from the travel agent, etc.  I expect with this immediate group that we will have approximately 30-50 people at the DW.  My concern is what to do with the AHR.  I have heard many people saying that they showed their wedding video, had a slideshow of photos, etc for the guests that could not attend.  i feel like I can't do that because the guests that didn't attend, (while they may not have anyway), they may not have because they were not technically invited. 

 

Does anyone else have something similar to this? 

I have gone back and forth and also considered inviting all 250 guests to the destination wedding, but really can't take the chance that it could grow to be 150 people traveling to Mexico with me.    I feel like the immediate family, very close friend option is a better choice but I don't know how to handle that with the formal AHR. 

 

Help! 

[Jenny2014]

I am doing the same thing as you. Not inviting many people, just close, immediate family and best friends. Then, we are inviting everyone to our AHR.

 

I am going to show the ceremony video and pictures, so that way people can see it. You can't control how people will react or feel. if they feel slighted about not being invited to the wedding, that is on them, and they don't have to come to the AHR.

 

At the end of the day, you have to do what is going to make you and your FI happy. You dont want to look back on your wedding and hate it because 150 people came to the wedding in Mexico and you only wanted 30.

 

Same reason why we cut it all down too. We were going to invite nearly 90 people, and now we are only inviting those really close with us. Everyone else can come celebrate with us at our AHR.

 

The thing we are doing to make it still "feel" like those who are coming to the AHR are a part of it is we are not doing a reception in Mexico. We are just going to have a small, private dinner after the ceremony. No speeches, no first dance, no nothing. All that will be done at the AHR for the first and only time. May not be what you want to do, but just a suggestion?

 

Do I feel a bit bad? Sure.... but my wedding isn't supposed to be a big show, its about my FI and myself, and who we are as a couple. Everyone who comes to either is there to celebrate and show their love for us. If people don't come because of whatever reason, that's not for you to make them feel better. No wedding makes absolutely everyone happy. Only you can do what you have to do to make YOURself happy!

[JanetandDan2014]

Hi Jenny,

Thank you so much for getting back to me.  It sounds like you are doing things exactly like I am.  I also am not having a reception at the DW.  1. It was way to expensive to do both 2.  it just felt right to do it with everyone. 

 

Speeches, 1st dance all of it.   

 

Your message made me feel a lot better.  I was starting to think i was one of the only ones not inviting everyone. 

 

I need to start to get more of the "i can't control or care about what other people think" mentality.  I am having a difficult time with that one.  While I do LOVE how we are doing things, it is in my nature to put others feelings before my own.  I need to get over that really quick through this process.   

 

Now are you sending a Save the Date for your AHR and just saying that you will be getting married in a private ceremony and then sending an invite for the AHR?

 

That is what I was planning to do.  Then just do DW invitations by word of mouth only.  So far this is my plan and its working.  We will see how things go.  Congrats to you!  I hope your planning is going well.  I hope to be in touch more with you over the next year.

[Jenny2014]

Hi Janet,

 

I have issues putting other people first as well.... though my wedding seems to be fairly easy for me. haha. In my regular life, I always put myself last, but inviting the right people to our wedding, and ensuring that right people come versus my nightmare of all our parents friends and none of ours, means I am enforcing MY way LOL.

 

I will be sending out STD's for the AHR because some people already invited people to our wedding, so this is my way of being like "yes...... your invited..... to the reception......because it's a small and intimate ceremony....." And then I will do full on invites closer to the date.

 

I am doing STD and invites to those invited to the wedding as well. STD's going out after this weekend, and then invites going out within a month. Our TA got us an amazing deal that if we don't get people to put a deposit down by the end of August, the prices will go waaayyyy up for next year. I am putting a note in with the STD to expect the invite shortly because of a travel deal.

 

Planning is going MUCH better now that it's been cut down for the actual wedding!

 

We'll keep in touch throughout this process! Good luck to you and your FI as well!

[megthomson]

We have smaller families (but big drama in them!) and lots of friends. We are only inviting people to both events, even though we know some will not be able to afford to go to DW. I'd love to be able to do a big bash for AHR but financial constraints are the reason for the DW to begin with.

[nursemorgan]

I did invitations to our DW (5-6-14) in St Thomas/St John for the 35 people on our list. I also sent our STDs for our AHR (Cape May, NJ- home) (6-6-14) and plan to send invitations for our AHR as well. Any advice?

[pandahugs]

Since I plan on only having my parents and brother at our DW, I will not be doing invites for them haha. I will do some sort of formal invite for our AHR though, in which extended family alone (aunts/uncles, cousins and their spouses and children, grandparents) will be about 75 people on both of our sides. I do want to invite some close friends too so we'll see how many people actually end up coming!

[amarie4713]

I originally intended to not do formal invites, but as the planning progresses the AHR seems to be taking on a life of its own! so i believe i'll need some sort of RSVP system for the food at least. originally i was thinking just like a come and go type thing...but i'm not sure that is going to happen!

[kyjanga]

I am doing STD for both although im only sending DW information upon request via email. Formal invitations will go out for the AHR. I am using my website through weddingwire.com for a rsvp system. It is a really good, simple and helpful system and site

 

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