Prepared to fight.... and it ended up working out just fine

Jenny2014 · May 6, 2013

So....my TA called me last Wednesday (a few short hours after FI left for a conference until Saturday), and informed me that I either have to change my wedding date, or all my gusts are going to have to pay a lot more money to come to our wedding because will have to book flights and the resort separately. Sunwing is only flying down to PV once a week starting next year, and that is just on Thursday's... so either everyone has to leave on the day of our wedding, or everyone arrives on the day of our wedding.

So I was sent into a panic.... that doesn't work, this has been our anniversary for over 10 years and I didn't want to change it. But if I had to change it, I didn't want to change it by just a day.... I was going to change it so my best friend could come and push it out to August.

So I had to sit on this for days, and FI said we would discuss it and figure it out. Finally, he came home, and all I wanted to do was talk about it. But I didn't want to bombard him, so I waited... and waited... and waited. I also became more and more anxious, because I knew it was going to turn into this huge fight. In the mean times, I texted my BF (who lives out in Calgary), and asked her if I changed it by a month, would she be able to come. Didn't quite get the response I wanted... said maybe, so long as her job was secure, and didn't seem all that excited, so that brought me down a bit as well.

Finally, last night, we were waiting to be seated for dinner, and we had some time. So we started talking about it. And realized we were on opposite sides. He was devoted to the date, and would gladly change the location if need be. I was devoted to the location, but willing to change the date (as we are getting legally married this year on our anniversary date... so what did it matter when our symbolic ceremony happen).

Well, this did not go over well with FI.... and it started to turn into this huge fight. But it was when he said to me "I already didn't want to do this, and now one of the main reasons that was keeping me attached to doing this is being taken away from me, at what point do I just say F it all, and cancel it.... I would rather push it out to 2015 and have our friends all be able to come, than change the date and have September 18th be completely meaningless to us".

That was when I realized, despite him saying he doesn't care, he does... and he is just as attached to the sentimentality of our date as I was.... and I had convinced myself it was okay to let that go, for what? For one friend who I was trying to get to come... who wasn't even all that excited that I was trying to change the date for her....

So now we are waiting... and seeing what the prices our TA comes back with when splitting up the flights and resort costs. If it really is going to cost a lot more, than we will have the discussion about changing everything (date, location, maybe even pushing it out another year.....)

But until we know those prices, I now realize how silly it was for me to want to change the date, for just one person, when it matters so much to us as a couple, and all of our other friends, who have verbally committed to us, with the price that we estimated it would cost.

Long winded, but thanks to anyone who read it! Hope someone else has experienced something like that..... dreading a conversation, knowing it wasn't going to be good.... but having it work out in the end.

lgerry · May 7, 2013

Sorry that happened, hopefully it will all work out for you, your FI, and your friend. That's the one thing I find very stressful about a DW, is the unknown and the flexibility required... Its hard to get news like that and have to make some major changes when you have certain expectations and want things done in a particular way. Especially when its in regards to sentimental aspects.

I think it's really sweet that your FI is so attached to the date though, it's nice to hear that romantic side from people

Good luck with everything, I hope it all works out in the end!

Liz