Leaving in Four Weeks and Not Even Excited...Too Much Drama

[DaynaBee]

I feel like I need a safe place to just vent everything. The process of being engaged and getting married has been one of the hardest years of my life. I went in to this knowing that people didn't want me to talk about weddings all the time and knowing that I would have to deal with a lot of my stress and weddings headaches alone. I didn't want to put too much pressure on people. I wanted inexpensive bridesmaids dresses. I even picked a wedding venue off the resort so the resort could be the best deal possible. But at the end of the day everything has fallen apart.

 

The quickest summary is that 8 months before the wedding I had a small trip to Vegas planned. One of my bridesmaids suggested we do a bachlorette, more people came. We set aside one day to be my official bachlorette day and the long and short of it was it didnt turn out well and 5 of the girls left 2 of us in the club alone, didnt let us know they were leaving and went to party on their own.

 

So my fiancee, whether right or wrong said we needed a do-over so we just did one last weekend. Which was pretty much the worst thing ever. A few of us (pretty much the same group) went up to a ski town 2 hours from here. Everyone was pretty much passed out or too drunk by 11. I had a stress meltdown, and when one of them saw me crying screamed at me for a few minutes, another one screamed at me some more, then they took both cars and left me and the one girl taking care of me there.

 

I asked 4 girls to be bridesmaids and I am left with 1. And I'm worried she's distant now. We're leaving in four weeks and everything around me and these girls has left a bad taste in my mouth. My best friend of 30 years is gone. It was insanely apparent that she is the most angry person in the world and said that my life was handed to me on a silver platter and that i was spoiled. Which seems out of place considering we grew up in the same town with the exact same advantages and we just made different choices. At my bachlorette party it was like she was waiting to pick a fight with me. She even admitted that she drove up to the hotel so that she could leave at a moments notice when things went South. Which was all a shock to me as I figured we didn't have any problems and I have made an extreme point to not burden people with wedding plans, especially her.

 

Another bridesmaid read into everything to make it so negative. That I picked her to fill out the party. Or that I picked her because she could afford to go to the resort and that was the only reason. I told her why I picked her when I picked her and it was that she was someone I wanted to have in my life and she had been so supportive and amazing and I see her being a big part of my future. But it was nothing but negative shit and that if she had known my bachlorette was going to be "all about you, I wouldn't have come."

 

The last girl is the biggest problem. At this point I can't help but feel I've been manipulated for years. She always blames me for our problems and lists off all of these amazing things she does for me and then I feel guilty that I'm just reading situations wrong and that I should fix it. But every time we have a problem its because she's being over dramatic and hard to deal with but then when I try to get past it, it's a lot of what I did wrong, how hard her life is, and how everyone is rude to her. But I think it finally became clear to me that she doesn't do all these things for me or others. She does them for herself. I hear now that in all the planning it was a lot of negative sniping and rude comments. I also hear now that all of these people spent money they didn't have to come and how I'm supposed to feel guilty about that. I didn't ask anyone to spend money they didn't have. I try to be really conscious of that. I constantly say "if that is too much we can do whatever works." So I unwittingly walked into a bachlorette party where everyone was pissed off about money and everything else and when I cried half of them decided to end our friendships. I'm not sure how I was supposed to change things I didn't know about. Or even why I'm supposed to feel guilty for something I certainly didn't ask them to do.

 

In general I'm left feeling like I surround myself with toxic people and it's a hard time to work on rebuilding your life 4 weeks before your wedding. I've tried to figure out what I did wrong. I cried. I know I cried. I apologized for crying. They say I was unappreciative. I did my best to let them know I did appreciate it. I'm not sure what they're looking for. But I guess at the end of the day I'm left with knowing that a bunch of people who I thought I was close with are perfectly happy leaving me in Vegas or at a hotel 2 hours from home with no ride because I was upset. And that really sucks.

[AnaSteele58]

I'm so sorry you have experienced this. I can't even began to imagine. It seems as though this group of girls weren't your friends to begin with. Use this time to focus on your FI and your family. Send tge remaining BM a hand written Thank You note. Nothing sappy or anything dwelling on what happen. Something simple to let her know (again) you appreciate her. You'll meet new people down the road. Their purpose in your life is over. You deserve to be surrounded by people you enjoy your company. Not people who tolerate you for whatever reason. Cheer up DaynaBee! You're getting married soon!

[Sophia2616]

You are getting married in 4 weeks! Focus on that! I agree I would send a hand written note thanking the remaining BM and just focus on your wedding and your new life. People come in to our lives for a reason and they leave for a reason too. The friendship ran its course and you need to be OK with that. Its hard but that how life works and friendships. Plus you don't want all that negativity on your wedding day...This could have been a blessing in disguise. Happy 4 weeks to go!

[TheWolferts]

I went through a similar thing with people whom I thought were good friends, really werent when it came down to it, so I know how sad you can feel when that happens. I got married about 10 months ago and it still stings me that some people acted they way that they did, but I can assure you that you will still have a wonderful wedding and that you will still have very happy memories associated with your wedding and friends that are able to make it and are supportive of your DW. It seems like you have a great fiance who really cares about making you happy, so yes, it's unfortunate that you have lost some "friends", but you are gaining a "new" friend for life

 

 

Originally Posted by DaynaBee 

I feel like I need a safe place to just vent everything. The process of being engaged and getting married has been one of the hardest years of my life. I went in to this knowing that people didn't want me to talk about weddings all the time and knowing that I would have to deal with a lot of my stress and weddings headaches alone. I didn't want to put too much pressure on people. I wanted inexpensive bridesmaids dresses. I even picked a wedding venue off the resort so the resort could be the best deal possible. But at the end of the day everything has fallen apart.

 

The quickest summary is that 8 months before the wedding I had a small trip to Vegas planned. One of my bridesmaids suggested we do a bachlorette, more people came. We set aside one day to be my official bachlorette day and the long and short of it was it didnt turn out well and 5 of the girls left 2 of us in the club alone, didnt let us know they were leaving and went to party on their own.

 

So my fiancee, whether right or wrong said we needed a do-over so we just did one last weekend. Which was pretty much the worst thing ever. A few of us (pretty much the same group) went up to a ski town 2 hours from here. Everyone was pretty much passed out or too drunk by 11. I had a stress meltdown, and when one of them saw me crying screamed at me for a few minutes, another one screamed at me some more, then they took both cars and left me and the one girl taking care of me there.

 

I asked 4 girls to be bridesmaids and I am left with 1. And I'm worried she's distant now. We're leaving in four weeks and everything around me and these girls has left a bad taste in my mouth. My best friend of 30 years is gone. It was insanely apparent that she is the most angry person in the world and said that my life was handed to me on a silver platter and that i was spoiled. Which seems out of place considering we grew up in the same town with the exact same advantages and we just made different choices. At my bachlorette party it was like she was waiting to pick a fight with me. She even admitted that she drove up to the hotel so that she could leave at a moments notice when things went South. Which was all a shock to me as I figured we didn't have any problems and I have made an extreme point to not burden people with wedding plans, especially her.

 

Another bridesmaid read into everything to make it so negative. That I picked her to fill out the party. Or that I picked her because she could afford to go to the resort and that was the only reason. I told her why I picked her when I picked her and it was that she was someone I wanted to have in my life and she had been so supportive and amazing and I see her being a big part of my future. But it was nothing but negative shit and that if she had known my bachlorette was going to be "all about you, I wouldn't have come."

 

The last girl is the biggest problem. At this point I can't help but feel I've been manipulated for years. She always blames me for our problems and lists off all of these amazing things she does for me and then I feel guilty that I'm just reading situations wrong and that I should fix it. But every time we have a problem its because she's being over dramatic and hard to deal with but then when I try to get past it, it's a lot of what I did wrong, how hard her life is, and how everyone is rude to her. But I think it finally became clear to me that she doesn't do all these things for me or others. She does them for herself. I hear now that in all the planning it was a lot of negative sniping and rude comments. I also hear now that all of these people spent money they didn't have to come and how I'm supposed to feel guilty about that. I didn't ask anyone to spend money they didn't have. I try to be really conscious of that. I constantly say "if that is too much we can do whatever works." So I unwittingly walked into a bachlorette party where everyone was pissed off about money and everything else and when I cried half of them decided to end our friendships. I'm not sure how I was supposed to change things I didn't know about. Or even why I'm supposed to feel guilty for something I certainly didn't ask them to do.

 

In general I'm left feeling like I surround myself with toxic people and it's a hard time to work on rebuilding your life 4 weeks before your wedding. I've tried to figure out what I did wrong. I cried. I know I cried. I apologized for crying. They say I was unappreciative. I did my best to let them know I did appreciate it. I'm not sure what they're looking for. But I guess at the end of the day I'm left with knowing that a bunch of people who I thought I was close with are perfectly happy leaving me in Vegas or at a hotel 2 hours from home with no ride because I was upset. And that really sucks.

[DaynaBee]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I didn't even really think anyone would read it, I just needed to get it out and especially in a community that understands the pressure a wedding can put on people and relationships. I'm the first of my friend group to get married and it's become very obvious that its a lot harder than it looks. 

 

Thanks so much for the advice and the positive thoughts. It really helps. =)

[AllieH]

ah Dayna, I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this so close to your wedding.

 

The other ladies have offered some great advice, and perspective. Wedding seem to bring out the worst in people, and I imagine the fact that you're the first among them to get married is what's causing a lot of this - jealousy, envy, whatever.

 

It's true that people enter (or leave) your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Many reasons, a few seasons, and very few are there for the lifetime. While it hurts to have them act the way they are during this very special time in your life, be thankful it isn't happening at the wedding, or ruining your special time at the resort.

 

Focus on you, your fiance, your family, and the friends who will be there with you to celebrate. Those will be the ones to surround you and support you start your married life together.

 

Take a deep breath, let the drama go, and look ahead to the amazing time you'll have in a few short weeks.

Originally Posted by DaynaBee 

Thank you everyone for your responses. I didn't even really think anyone would read it, I just needed to get it out and especially in a community that understands the pressure a wedding can put on people and relationships. I'm the first of my friend group to get married and it's become very obvious that its a lot harder than it looks. 

 

Thanks so much for the advice and the positive thoughts. It really helps. =)