How do you deal with people who invite themselves to your wedding?

[JSLM]

Don't know if there was a thread like this before.

 

I was planning on having a small intimate wedding 30 people max. Now we are close to 50.

We have a lot of people (co-workers, distant family, friends, and friends of family) who are inquiring about our wedding. Where the invitation is. They are sort of inviting themselves. Most of these people we are not even close to.

 

How do I politely say NO or your Not invited? can I even do that?

[maridr2012]

PLENTY of threads like this out there on this site, oodles of them, lol.  You're not the first sweetheart; pretty much all of us went thru the same thing.  I found that alot of people asked questions like that just to ask, but didn't really expect to be invited (gosh, I sure hope not).  Even with a destination wedding, some people still expect to be invited.  I found that once I explained it was a small intimate destination wedding - and I made sure to say we'd only be having immediate family and very close friends they backed off and understood, and for others I just told them we'd probably be having a party shortly after we returned.  That seemed to work.  But ultimately you'll find that alot of people will weed themselves out; once they see the price and the committment to going away for your wedding they will back out.  Still sucks that you have to dish out $ for the extra invitations printed lol (if you're sending formal invitations).  People just want to feel included, that's all.  Good luck

Originally Posted by JSLM 

Don't know if there was a thread like this before.

 

I was planning on having a small intimate wedding 30 people max. Now we are close to 50.

We have a lot of people (co-workers, distant family, friends, and friends of family) who are inquiring about our wedding. Where the invitation is. They are sort of inviting themselves. Most of these people we are not even close to.

 

How do I politely say NO or your Not invited? can I even do that?

[WeddingCancun]

Originally Posted by JSLM 

 

Don't know if there was a thread like this before.

 

I was planning on having a small intimate wedding 30 people max. Now we are close to 50.

We have a lot of people (co-workers, distant family, friends, and friends of family) who are inquiring about our wedding. Where the invitation is. They are sort of inviting themselves. Most of these people we are not even close to.

 

How do I politely say NO or your Not invited? can I even do that?

 

it's fine if you say no, at the end it's Your big day and you decide who's invited. There is no an easy way to tell those who ask but a good answer could be that you wanted to keep it intimate to closest family.

[AnaSteele58]

We're still in the early planning stages and people have already started to invite themselves. We are doing what the other brides have suggested. After explaining its an intimate affair. They understood. Some were even embarrassed because only then dis they realize they were inviting themselves

[mscheryl10]

Just explain it is Family and close friends only and leave it at that, you don't owe anyone an explanation nor should you feel guilty about not inviting everyone. (I know, easier said than done)

[Miss J]

How can you invite yourself to a wedding?! They hardly just appear on the day of the wedding unless they get an invite?

And why would you send an invite to someone you dont really want there and that you know is not going to attend (specially if a DW)??

Sorry, maybe Im to harsh, but Im (I mean "we") are planning our wedding the way WE want it

[itsjuliez]

I can totally relate. As soon as we got engaged it was "Congratulation! I can't wait for your wedding!" - hmm what? I haven't seen or heard from you in years and you expect to be invited? That's just ridiculous!

[Jenny2014]

Yeah, when we decided to cut waaaaayyyy back on our invites and only really invite the people we knew would be serious about coming/ that we really wanted there, my mother informed me that people would be insulted as they were expecting to be invited. I just looked at her and said that was there fault. We havent sent anything out yet, nor have we talked to anyone, so if people are "expecting" to get invited and aren't, that is their own disappointment, not mine.

 

And she then told me that << I >> am the one who is going to have to call all my family and tell them they aren't important enough to me to bother to invite to my wedding. Thank goodness FI was there when she said that, because he quickly stepped in, saying it wasn't like that, and that it's not our responsibility to do that- people who are invited will know shortly. That we want a private, intimate ceremony with those who have been with us through everything, and you have actively been a part of our relationship. The others will get the invite to the reception back home. I was about to have a HUGE bridezilla moment and completely tear her hair out, so I was soooo glad he said something. My mom can be so condescending and passive- aggressive, it just irritates the sh*t out of me. </endrant>

 

Whoops. HAHAHA. Apparently, I still have some hidden resentment to that conversation!

 

Ahhh weddings, how they bring out the absolute worst and best in every relationship!
 

[MelB2012]

Originally Posted by Jenny2014 

 

Yeah, when we decided to cut waaaaayyyy back on our invites and only really invite the people we knew would be serious about coming/ that we really wanted there, my mother informed me that people would be insulted as they were expecting to be invited. I just looked at her and said that was there fault. We havent sent anything out yet, nor have we talked to anyone, so if people are "expecting" to get invited and aren't, that is their own disappointment, not mine.

 

And she then told me that << I >> am the one who is going to have to call all my family and tell them they aren't important enough to me to bother to invite to my wedding. Thank goodness FI was there when she said that, because he quickly stepped in, saying it wasn't like that, and that it's not our responsibility to do that- people who are invited will know shortly. That we want a private, intimate ceremony with those who have been with us through everything, and you have actively been a part of our relationship. The others will get the invite to the reception back home. I was about to have a HUGE bridezilla moment and completely tear her hair out, so I was soooo glad he said something. My mom can be so condescending and passive- aggressive, it just irritates the sh*t out of me. </endrant>

 

Whoops. HAHAHA. Apparently, I still have some hidden resentment to that conversation!

 

Ahhh weddings, how they bring out the absolute worst and best in every relationship!

 

I can definately relate to this. My family is HUGE. My FH's family is tiny (and older...) So even with inviting those that we did, it's like a 90/10 split between my family and his.

 

My Mom told me how some of my great aunts (many, but one in particular) was excited to come to my wedding. I point blank said, "But she's not invited." My Mom got upset, but frankly, if you can't tell me what my FH's name is... you're not invited to my wedding. It's pretty simple. I invited some 2nd cousins, as my Mom grew up with them, and they're close... But I'm not about to invite 150+ people from my family, when my FH doesn't even have 25....

 

Anyway.... I totally get it.

[Jenny2014]

Originally Posted by MelB2012 

 

I can definately relate to this. My family is HUGE. My FH's family is tiny (and older...) So even with inviting those that we did, it's like a 90/10 split between my family and his.

 

My Mom told me how some of my great aunts (many, but one in particular) was excited to come to my wedding. I point blank said, "But she's not invited." My Mom got upset, but frankly, if you can't tell me what my FH's name is... you're not invited to my wedding. It's pretty simple. I invited some 2nd cousins, as my Mom grew up with them, and they're close... But I'm not about to invite 150+ people from my family, when my FH doesn't even have 25....

 

Anyway.... I totally get it.

 

haha! It's so easy to get all worked up about things again.

 

The thing with us, is our families aren't big either. Rather small actually..... we just aren't close with them, and neither are our parents. So I just didnt see whyyyyy it was so important to invite their siblings, when, we havent seen them in YEARS. Yes, they could tell me my FI's name.... but that's because we were together for 10 years before all this! But the fact that the last time I saw my cousins was over 9 years ago, and now they have both graduated from high school and my youngest cousin has a baby now... like no, sorry, just is not happening.

 

Our friends have, and always will be, our family. It has been the same close knit group of us since high school.... so yes, they get invites over family BECAUSE they are OUR family.

 

And if people's feelings get hurt, well, too bad. We are taping the ceremony and will play it at our AHR when we come back... and alllllll those people are invited to that! (or will be....)