Getting legally married before going to Mexico. Should we tell our parents/families? Keep it a secret?

[agm04]

I almost want to have someone random there as the witness instead of a friend or family member when we do it, specifically because I don't want it to feel important!

[safety75]

This is my plan as well. I'm hoping the judge will provide witnesses.

[jrack]

Originally Posted by chickky311 

 

Thanks for all of your comments.  The part that I'm having a problem with is that we want to do the legal marriage part before the wedding in Mexico, but we want that legal part at the courthouse to be just us BECAUSE we are not going to be dressing up or celebrating on that day.  We want it to be a nice quiet moment with just the two of us.  But family members have expressed that if we do get legally married somewhere other than in Mexico, that they want to be there for that too.  So I either give up on how we want things and let other people come to the courthouse, or we do it in secret and lie to my parents and everyone and just pretend that we are getting legally married in Mexico.  Thats the part that I'm having a hard time with.  Do I do what I want and risk hurting their feelings, or give up on what I want and let them do what they want, or just lie to everyone?

Don't lie...Especially since there's all these hoops that you usually have to jump before you can get married in Mexico that you may be busted. And those who wanted to be present may not be too happy...at least that's my thought.

[Jenny2014]

I agree- don't lie. We told FI's parents and my parents about our plan to get married legally here before going to Mexico. We are actually getting legally married a year out from our wedding. But we won't be exchanging rings, or even saying the vows. I want the Mexico wedding to be as special as possible.

 

Side note: My MOH told me she couldn't come because of the timing of our wedding and her work. I was sad but completely understood. My mother then tells me that we should just change the date, to accomodate her (and anyone else who the timing might not work out for), because it's not like the wedding there "really matters anyways, since we're getting legally married here". I was so shocked and hurt she said this, because we only told them we were doing it out of curtosy, and don't want to make it a big deal. The wedding in Mexico is our big deal, and for her to throw it in my face like that, made me realize that everyone is going to have an opinion, and express it to you. Regardless of whether it will be insulting or not, or offend anyone.

 

It's your day, and I think at the end of it, your going to make some people unhappy, but as long as it is your dream, and your happy, then let everything else fall by the way side.
 

[flo628]

Can I first just say that I am so glad I found this. I've been annoyed and angry at my FIL because my FI and I wanted to do the exact same thing-get legally married in the US and have the DW be our "real" wedding. Well, my FSI asked me what the schedule was going to be (my mother is forcing me to have a huge Chinese ceremony the week after the DW) so I told her we were getting married at the courthouse, then going to Cabo, then the following Saturday was the Chinese ceremony. Well, I got a big reaction: "I'm not going to be there when my brother gets legally married?!" Etc etc.... The thought of 3 weddings horrified me, so after some arguing, and talking to my FIL, I decided to include the legal ceremony into the chinese reception. But, why does anyone think that they have a right to have an opinion on YOUR day. I was upset for weeks that we had to change our schedule to please 4 people(his bro, sis and parents) who wouldn't have even known that neither of the ceremonies were going to be legal had I not mentioned it. I totally regret opening my mouth, but I just had NO IDEA that they were going to make something this ridiculous a big deal. I thought what was going to be special would be what WE thought was special. The whole thing has completely left a bad taste in my mouth. Ok I'm done ranting. As wether or not you should lie, I think it depends how nosy your mom/family is. I say just try not to say anything. If she asks, just mention its taken care of. Would she just drop it? If your mom would pursue it like my FSI then you might as well just be honest. But I definitely regret telling my FIL. I am not telling them anymore of my plans!

To give you another perspective, we are considering our legal ceremony to just be an extension of the paperwork. The ceremony at the resort is the "WEDDING". That is where the spirits and emotions will be!

Also, I totally agree with you on this.  But part of the problem is that everyone else wants to be there and do a big celebration at the time of our legal ceremony and thats not what we want.  If its just him and I, we can do the legal ceremony and it won't have to be some big production.  I would much rather do all the celebrating in Mexico!

I agree- don't lie. We told FI's parents and my parents about our plan to get married legally here before going to Mexico. We are actually getting legally married a year out from our wedding. But we won't be exchanging rings, or even saying the vows. I want the Mexico wedding to be as special as possible. Side note: My MOH told me she couldn't come because of the timing of our wedding and her work. I was sad but completely understood. My mother then tells me that we should just change the date, to accomodate her (and anyone else who the timing might not work out for), because it's not like the wedding there "really matters anyways, since we're getting legally married here". I was so shocked and hurt she said this, because we only told them we were doing it out of curtosy, and don't want to make it a big deal. The wedding in Mexico is our big deal, and for her to throw it in my face like that, made me realize that everyone is going to have an opinion, and express it to you. Regardless of whether it will be insulting or not, or offend anyone. It's your day, and I think at the end of it, your going to make some people unhappy, but as long as it is your dream, and your happy, then let everything else fall by the way side.  

[flo628]

I agree- don't lie. We told FI's parents and my parents about our plan to get married legally here before going to Mexico. We are actually getting legally married a year out from our wedding. But we won't be exchanging rings, or even saying the vows. I want the Mexico wedding to be as special as possible. Side note: My MOH told me she couldn't come because of the timing of our wedding and her work. I was sad but completely understood. My mother then tells me that we should just change the date, to accomodate her (and anyone else who the timing might not work out for), because it's not like the wedding there "really matters anyways, since we're getting legally married here". I was so shocked and hurt she said this, because we only told them we were doing it out of curtosy, and don't want to make it a big deal. The wedding in Mexico is our big deal, and for her to throw it in my face like that, made me realize that everyone is going to have an opinion, and express it to you. Regardless of whether it will be insulting or not, or offend anyone. It's your day, and I think at the end of it, your going to make some people unhappy, but as long as it is your dream, and your happy, then let everything else fall by the way side.  

I can't believe she said that. But at the same time, I can. Ugh. Family is so annoying sometimes.

[pzl101]

This is something my FI and I are not sure about. If we got married earlier at home, he thinks it would be weird if all the official documents have a different date than what we would celebrate 

 

 

For those that got married legally at home beforehand -  I understand you consider it just paperwork - but does it feel awkward/strange, that there are two different dates?

[shannonmarie]

We were legally married 2 days before we left. I'm so happy we did it this. We just consider it paperwork and don't even think about that date. In our heads, we only have 1 date, the day we walked down the aisle in Mexico.

[Lydia1120]

We are also getting married a week before we leave for Cuba...I have created a "Beach Wedding Certificate" that we will sign in Cuba....that is what I will chersih....I will post it here when I'm not on my mobile....the legal wedding certificate will be put away in our safe. I think the beach wedding will be so special that it will naturally feel right to celebrate it as our anniversary

[Lydia1120]

This is the Marriage License I mentioned that I created...at the top I put a portion from our wedding vows...I really like it and have it available in powerpoint for anyone who would like to use it as a template.