worried about low attendance for our wedding

[NJBride2014]

We are having 40 people come to our wedding and im happy with that number. But just today my fiance's brother was making comments that if we had picked a more "reasonable" place maybe we could have had more which was just his passive aggressive dig at us. It took a lot to not say anything. I didn't know I had to consult him before picking a venue. When he got married he didn't consult us about his venue. Lol some people really amaze me. Sorry just still fresh in my mind. End rant.

[atennille]

Yes it is very disappointing. My wedding is not until next year, and my maid of honor , my friend of over 15 years sent me a text the other day, saying she could not make it. I am like REALLY a text  ! I felt it deep in my heart. But what can you do ?

[NJBride2014]

Wow I know that feeling I went through the same thing with my best friend of 29 years. No text though she just ignored me for 5 months then I got it an email saying she couldn't make. Trust me it'll get better and you're right not much you can do about it. You will appreciate and have that much more fun with the people who do go, she's missing out.

Edited July 14, 2014 by NJBride2014

[MissJen3]

Reading this forum tonight really makes me want to go with my gut and not have a BP for my wedding. Tonight I was shattered because my brother and his wife are talking about having a baby (mid) next year and my FI and I are planning for a Nov 2015 wedding. I thought to myself  "I wouldn't want to leave an infant for a week to attend a wedding, so I doubt they will either" (and I wouldn't blame them). The thing that get me is that they were the FIRST ones to know the date we are aiming for, and my SIL is already assuming that she is in the wedding party (although we have not formally invited anyone to be in our BP). Anyway, the point of my rant initially was, I was so upset tonight when I found that out. I could not imagine how I will react closer to the date if 'key people' can not make it. 

This DW planning stuff is way more emotionally intense then I first expected it to be.  

[tygrrlily]

@@MissJen3 - It is definitely emotionally intense. My best friend/MOH got pregnant and probably will not be coming anymore because she'll be around 8 months. I was shattered, and I'm still not quite over it, to be honest. It's true that obviously our weddings aren't going to be other people's priority, but you do hope that the people you cherish would be there for you.

 

I have a friend who is probably getting engaged this year, and I actually told her NOT to have a DW unless she is 100% okay with having a small wedding and not having key people there. We had sooo many people encourage us to have a DW, and now it's just excuse after excuse and it's like why didn't you tell us this to begin with when we asked??

 

On the PLUS side of course, a DW means an amazing wedding week filled with memories! And you will definitely cherish the people that do end up coming. I am very much looking forward to our wedding now, and the bridal parties don't add up and I just have 1 attendant now, but we will make the best of it

Edited July 14, 2014 by tygrrlily

[nikkicraig10]

Yeah it's definitely hard and you have to be a bit strong to get through it. I went to 2 DWs in one year, and that was really hard financially, and I completely understand all the reasons people have for not coming. Kids, money, pregnant, other trips planned, saving for a house down payment, etc. We are pretty chill people and have had a "no worries! we'll see you at the at home reception!" attitude about it. My deposit deadline is TODAY, so in the last few days we have gotten a huge flow of declines. Each one is a little bit of a hit, but at the end of the day, the people we are closest with are going. (So unlike other people that have posted, I'm lucky to say that thus far, no one has dropped out of our Bridal Party). Originally 53 guests were invited, and we have a confirmed 28.

It's so true how in the beginning everyone is like YES, we can't wait! and then 3 months later when the deposit is due, all of a sudden no one can make it work financially. The only problem I have with it, is when people start avoiding you because they are afraid to say they can't make it. I'd much rather know ahead of time, then assume they're still pumped to come! And it makes it awkward.
I don't regret doing a DW at all, because I think it's going to an amazing holiday, but it definitely takes a bit of strength to not take the declines personally, and to brush off any negativity.

[helenk]

Unfortunately having people cancel on you is part of this process I feel. I had a close friend who had her wedding in Florida and most of her guests were from MA and a lot of people backed out! So I knew going into the process that a lot wouldn't show or cancel. I haven't started the booking process yet so we shall see what happens but I'm not going to set myself up for disappointment and try to just go with it.

 

 

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[calgarybride2015]

We are having 40 people come to our wedding and im happy with that number. But just today my fiance's brother was making comments that if we had picked a more "reasonable" place maybe we could have had more which was just his passive aggressive dig at us. It took a lot to not say anything. I didn't know I had to consult him before picking a venue. When he got married he didn't consult us about his venue. Lol some people really amaze me. Sorry just still fresh in my mind. End rant.

 

I know that feeling... my bestfriend who I couldn't picture NOT being there hasn't talked to me about my wedding since I got engaged. Basically our friendship dwindled to nothing over the past 3 months. She never RSVP'd no, but I assume it's a no and that we no longer have a friendship. WTH???

 

I hurt at first, I tried a few times to figure out what the problem was/repair ?? the friendship, and then I dropped it and moved on.

 

 

I totally agree with others. It's par for the course.  So many people were gung-ho, gave dating ideas, etc. and then said no!  I try not to let them bother me, but it's hard not too.  At the end of the day all of our family will be there and some good friends (I am shocked with our number at 42, because at one point I figured it would just be the 2 of us)....

 

I decided not to pick my bridal party until I knew for certain who would be coming. Was stressful.

Edited July 21, 2014 by calgarybride2015

[kmk2016]

Well I officially hit day 30 of our 90 day contract to get our guests booked today... It's been nerve racking and I'm sure I'm driving my TA crazy (but she hasn't let on! Haha)... Our wedding is 18 months away and we have 60 days remaining on our RSVP/booking deadline. We officially have 47 people who have placed their deposits! (Of that, about 14 are kids! My two boys are thrilled about that- since it will be a real celebration for them too- and a trip they will remember for a lifetime!) I'm thrilled with the responses so far- and honestly, if everyone else says no- we still have some of our favorite people coming! (We invited 140... And so far only 4 have RSVP no... But we were aiming for 70-80 to actually attend).

 

I'm breathing a big sigh of relief.

 

 

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[calgarybride2015]

Well I officially hit day 30 of our 90 day contract to get our guests booked today... It's been nerve racking and I'm sure I'm driving my TA crazy (but she hasn't let on! Haha)... Our wedding is 18 months away and we have 60 days remaining on our RSVP/booking deadline. We officially have 47 people who have placed their deposits! (Of that, about 14 are kids! My two boys are thrilled about that- since it will be a real celebration for them too- and a trip they will remember for a lifetime!) I'm thrilled with the responses so far- and honestly, if everyone else says no- we still have some of our favorite people coming! (We invited 140... And so far only 4 have RSVP no... But we were aiming for 70-80 to actually attend).

 

I'm breathing a big sigh of relief.

 

 

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Those are awesome numbers!

 

I totally understand giving people enough time to save, but there is also the fear they can't commit so early either, so with that being said, your number is even more impressive.

 

We had ALOT of people drag their feet - heck my dad waited until the night before the deadline.  She was a busy lady that last few days (we just closed).   We have 34 flying with us, and the rest to make up the 42 either are flying alone or live in Mexico.  We have about 5 ish people who we have never heard from, even after a reminder email went out, so we assume they are a no.

 

After going thru this, if I ever get invited to a wedding where I CANT attend I will definitely RSVP.