2014...lets get cracking!!!

[Cherina]

The thing with STDs are that they are great for informing others but not great for informing you. It is not likely you get much accuracy in feed back if any from an STD. From what I am experiencing and reading you feedback will come a few days after you final RSVP date people tend to wait. I hate that

[STBEngelquist]

Thats true, I put together a website, so i'm hoping to get some people that will say they will probably make it to the wedding through that, but i guess its hard to expect people to rsvp 1year in advance!!!

[Cherina]

I feel that for me a good # of people who want to attend wont because if procrastination. 50% deposit 6 months in advance so I just going to take that or lack there of as the true RSVP.

[cherany]

Originally Posted by Cherina 

 

The thing with STDs are that they are great for informing others but not great for informing you. It is not likely you get much accuracy in feed back if any from an STD. From what I am experiencing and reading you feedback will come a few days after you final RSVP date people tend to wait. I hate that

 

Having sent out STDs a year early, I can attest to the statement about them informing guests, but not you. We had a lot of people who were excited to get the STD and said they'd definitely be at the wedding, but by the time the actual invitations were going out, some had completely changed their minds. It happened the other way around, too, with some people unsure/leaning towards no when they got the STD, but now dead set on coming, although the yes to no switch was more common then a no to yes one. 

 

I think if you send them with the knowledge that they are only a tool to give your guests a heads-up and not a pre-RSVP method, they are definitely worth sending. There have been times when I wished I waited till the 9 month mark, though. Giving people too long to make a decision can be just as troublesome as giving them too little time. People will procrastinate, then talk themselves out of things.

 

I've always felt most people who really, truly want to be there will make sure it happens, and the rest of the guests coming or not will depend on circumstances at the time. For that reason, it's really hard to estimate your guest count, one of the hardest things about planning a destination wedding. 

[DiggityDawn]

I have been struggling with this issue as well. We are about to send out our STDs. I am making magnets with vistaprint for the actual STD, and including a letter of explanation with our website and travel agents info. But I was thinking to also make postcards with vistaprint to include with the STD that will ask people to mark what they would like an invitation for and send back to us.

The choices to mark on the postcard include:

___Mexico wedding celebration

___ Denver wedding reception

___ Both events

___ Sorry, can't attend either

 

I am going to make it clear that it is not an RSVP for anything, just a heads up to let us know what they want an invitation for (We are actually having a reception in Atlanta before the trip that my FI's parents are hosting, and a Denver reception after that we are hosting, as well as the actual trip.) I know many of my family won't travel to Mexico for our ceremony, but they will ALL most likely go to our Denver reception.

 

My question to you ladies is this: Do you think my idea is tacky or pushy? I had an extremely negative response from the future in-laws that this is very pushy and postcards are tacky for an RSVP. They were so busy telling me everything wrong with this idea that I couldn't even explain that it is not an RSVP, just a postcard requesting to know which event people would want an invitation for... I just didn't want to bombard everyone with invitations to all these events that many might not even plan on attending.

 

Any thoughts?
 

[Cherina]

I like the concept but I am considered a pushy person. Maybe it would be less aggressive if you sent the info to your website on the STD then asked the question on your website.

[cherany]

Originally Posted by DiggityDawn 

 

I have been struggling with this issue as well. We are about to send out our STDs. I am making magnets with vistaprint for the actual STD, and including a letter of explanation with our website and travel agents info. But I was thinking to also make postcards with vistaprint to include with the STD that will ask people to mark what they would like an invitation for and send back to us.

The choices to mark on the postcard include:

___Mexico wedding celebration

___ Denver wedding reception

___ Both events

___ Sorry, can't attend either

 

I am going to make it clear that it is not an RSVP for anything, just a heads up to let us know what they want an invitation for (We are actually having a reception in Atlanta before the trip that my FI's parents are hosting, and a Denver reception after that we are hosting, as well as the actual trip.) I know many of my family won't travel to Mexico for our ceremony, but they will ALL most likely go to our Denver reception.

 

My question to you ladies is this: Do you think my idea is tacky or pushy? I had an extremely negative response from the future in-laws that this is very pushy and postcards are tacky for an RSVP. They were so busy telling me everything wrong with this idea that I couldn't even explain that it is not an RSVP, just a postcard requesting to know which event people would want an invitation for... I just didn't want to bombard everyone with invitations to all these events that many might not even plan on attending.

 

Any thoughts?

 

 

I don't see anything tacky or pushy about it, but like Cherina, I'm considered a pushy person, so I might not be the best judge.  

 

Honestly, all the opinions in the world about this being fine won't matter if your future in laws are offended by it.  I would be weary that the rest of your fiance's extended family will feel similarly, since you've already gotten that reaction from some of them.  It is up to you, of course, how much that bothers you.  Some brides tiptoe, while others feel it's their wedding and do as they wish.  Nothing wrong with either approach, as long as you're not bullied into doing things in a way you're not happy or comfortable with.

 

You may encounter two types of undesired responses: one were the person feels you are asking for an RSVP already, and one where the person understands what you are actually asking, but requests an invitation to everything without really considering which events they're likely to attend, simply because they want to be invited (not because they hope/plan to come).  In the end, it might not be as helpful as you would like it to be.

 

I think there is something in the idea, though.  I wouldn't want to send invitations out to be a huge group of people for several different events, either. 

[DiggityDawn]

Originally Posted by cherany 

 

 

I don't see anything tacky or pushy about it, but like Cherina, I'm considered a pushy person, so I might not be the best judge.  

 

Honestly, all the opinions in the world about this being fine won't matter if your future in laws are offended by it.  I would be weary that the rest of your fiance's extended family will feel similarly, since you've already gotten that reaction from some of them.  It is up to you, of course, how much that bothers you.  Some brides tiptoe, while others feel it's their wedding and do as they wish.  Nothing wrong with either approach, as long as you're not bullied into doing things in a way you're not happy or comfortable with.

 

You may encounter two types of undesired responses: one were the person feels you are asking for an RSVP already, and one where the person understands what you are actually asking, but requests an invitation to everything without really considering which events they're likely to attend, simply because they want to be invited (not because they hope/plan to come).  In the end, it might not be as helpful as you would like it to be.

 

I think there is something in the idea, though.  I wouldn't want to send invitations out to be a huge group of people for several different events, either. 

 

Thank you for your insight! I really appreciate it. I have been struggling through the whole planning process with the in-laws. Mexico was the WRONG choice, then the date we set was wrong and we had to move it back a few months to appease them. Then we were being rude and tacky with the honeymoon registry we picked out, because it basically asks for money and we should do a traditional store registry. Then the website I made was wrong and I had to rewrite everything to fit what they wanted it to be. And now my STD's are wrong too. It's just getting to be too much for me, but I still try to consider their point. That's why I'm not really sure if they have a valid point about my postcard idea or if I'm just not wanting to change my ideas out of spite because everything else I have done is wrong and inappropriate... lol

 

Just needed some insight, thank you.

[carla1989]

Wow ur being a lot more thoughtful than I am. I was planning a wedding in the uk and in the end we decided to go for abroad (for this instance mexico!) as everyone was basically deciding for us and we were working around everyone else's preferences and not ours. We've had to be cruel to b kind to ensure that our day is just as WE want it x

[Cherina]

Wow ur being a lot more thoughtful than I am. I was planning a wedding in the uk and in the end we decided to go for abroad (for this instance mexico!) as everyone was basically deciding for us and we were working around everyone else's preferences and not ours. We've had to be cruel to b kind to ensure that our day is just as WE want it x

Exactly I did not ask for opinions, I shared a few things for inspirational purposes only. I did everything and sent it out. That was the first glimpse of anything for everyone.