I need advice about this?!?!?

[Kay6356]

So basically FI and I got engaged January of this year, we have planned our wedding for January 24/2014. I think I was so excited when we first got engaged I rushed and asked my MOH and BM's without being realistic. I asked my friend J to be MOH - J has moved about a half hour from me and I have seen her about 5 times since she has moved November of last year (2011). She is really busy with her boyfriend and his 3 kids, totally understandable. But when we have seen each other it's been on me stopping by her house and when I do it seems like noting has changed in our friendship, we take off from where we have left off. Aside from that, I'm really torn how how to tell J that one of my BM A is going to be MOh, as that is what I really feel I want deep down. I still want J to be a bridesmaid if she wants too - but with her limited time, I need my MOH to have that certain spark that A has about my wedding.....how do I talk to J and not totally hurt her feelings or worse ruin our friendship! I think she may understand where I am coming from, but I am so stuck on this ... HELP!

[agm04]

I don't think I would demote her if I were you.  I totally understand where you're coming from, but I think it would probably hurt her feelings.  Instead, could you have 2 MOHs?

[Speckles121]

My MOH is on the other side of the country and hasnt been able to help with most of the DIY tasks and she just had a baby 4 weeks ago. I've given her small tasks, little things that I would rather not deal with and researching things that she can do in her spare time. You originally asked her to be your MOH for a reason..like agm04 said, why not have two??

[Tulumbride2013]

I had to demote my moh... It sucked. But she wasn't helping with ANYTHING and didnt show up to my dress hunting and trying on appts. I think she was jealous honestly, but she was also being wishy washy whether she was even going on the trip! Now she isn't going at all, partly I think because I demoted her. Keep it in mind, if your friend is this type of person. It suck cause this is my very best friend, but ppl change:(

[mrsnova]

I agree either have two MOH or you could go like me and have none lol. My BMs are my two sisters and best friend and could never choose between them! I think you should have your BM and MOH(s) be who you are close with and want to share the special time with and not look at it as who is helping more. Some people are better at planning and getting into the whole wedding thing than others..

 

Just some thoughts, in the end do what will make you happy:)

[Branya2012]

I agree with agm04...I think demoting her might hurt her feelings! Maybe you don't have to demote her and just have your other BM help out with the things that your current MOH isn't able to help with given the space between you and her busy schedule. We are not having a wedding party at all, so I have been getting help from my friends who have been amazing helping out!

[Kay6356]

Thanks for the fed back ladies... I have thought about the two MOH thing and I would be find with that, but only one can sign the marriage cert. - I don't want any issues. I am pretty muc doing everything on my own with FI because I love my DIY stuff. As for no wedding party, yes I thought about that too but it is a little too late for that. Everything will work out one way or another, I'm not going to stress over it, just wanted some opinions:) thank you

[LAtravelgirl]

I have seen Matron of Honor and Maid of Honor. Since your original MOH is married, she could be your Matron of Honor, assuming the other is single could become the Maid of Honor

[EVKnowsitall]

Originally Posted by LAtravelgirl 

 

I have seen Matron of Honor and Maid of Honor. Since your original MOH is married, she could be your Matron of Honor, assuming the other is single could become the Maid of Honor

That's what I did! I also chose my MOH in haste. My best friend from college and I had a "falling out" and I always wanted her to be my MOH- we always talked about it in college. We ended up patching up our friendship but by that point i had already selected my MOH. At the time- she was the most excited about my wedding, she called me to check up on me, I felt like she bothered with me. I have another close friend who I met professionally post college. I stay in her house for days at a time in the summer (we're both educators) and her daughter asked me to be her sponsor for her confirmation! 

 

Lately my MOH has been MIA and she started giving me some pushback. She sent me pics of these over the tope bridesmaids dresses that looked strikingly similar to my dress. She said she didn't want "typical bridesmaids dresses". Everyone else agrees on a simple style but she wants an ornate dress. She's been fighting me tooth and nail over little things and hasn't started planning anything- my fiances groomsmen found out they were groomsmen and booked and paid for his bachelor party a week later. Every time I try scheduling something- its a nightmare. 

 

She was supposed to run in the ING marathon and told me she couldn't do anything until then- so I respected her space. But the marathon was cancelled because of Sandy- and now its the restructuring at her job. 

 

I didnt have the heart to demote her (even though in some regards she deserves it) because she was the only one who came to my dress fitting and she cried when I asked her to be my MOh (I asked her over brunch after saying yes to the dress) so I just made my other really great friend my Matron of honor- since shes married. She was elated. In retrospect- I would have made the friend I asked to be my MOH to be in the bridal party and had my Matron of Honor serve as my MOH- bust c'est la vie. I now have two.

[Kay6356]

I am happy to  say that all is good.. I spoke with J and I now have 2 MOH's, no hard feelings or anything.  Nothing has been said about who is signing the marriage cert. - I don't think that is a very big deal!!! What are you ladies doing that have 2 MOH for the signing?