Who Needs a Laugh?

[Alyssa]

 

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST (NYC)

 

What am I doing wrong?

 

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful

(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.

I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at

least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind

that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think

I'm overreaching at all.

 

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could

you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around

200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get

me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married

to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as

I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I

get to her level?

 

Here are my questions specifically:

 

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,

restaurants, gyms

 

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my

feelings

 

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

 

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east

side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have

nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead

gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story

there?

 

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment

banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they

hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

 

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for

MARRIAGE ONLY

 

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest

way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front

about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't

able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a

nice home and hearth.

 

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial

interests

PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-431649184:

 

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully

about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your

bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I

see it.

 

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a

crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you

suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring

my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my

money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely

that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't

be getting any more beautiful!

 

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning

asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation

accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty

hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in

earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

 

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy

and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense

to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case

you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were

to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's

as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

 

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,

I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"

as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to

believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K

hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

 

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then

we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

 

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.

Classic "pump and dump."

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of

lease, let me know.

[PVBride]

That is too funny! Thanks for sharing!!

[MsShelley]

that is too funny!! Do rich guys really hang out on Craig's list?

[JulieG]

That is too funny. I love his answers. I just wanted to call her a money grubbing bitch, but he did it in a much much better way. I agree with him, make your own damn money. lol

[Wisco4]

That's awesome. There so much to comment about this but where does one begin? Ha! I needed a laugh today, I'm so sick with a nasty cold right now...still at work though

[LisaG]

That is great! I love this guy!!!

[starchild]

Classic. Thanks for sharing, I needed that!!

[Nrvsbride]

I wonder if this is real. What a wackadoodle! First of all the New York Times just published an article that says that to be at least at the bottom of the middle class in New York you need to make $75,000 per person (after taxes). I don't know what you guys are making but to me that is a lot of moolah. So yes it is expensive to be middle class in NY. In NYC I'm sure it is much higher but nowhere near the $500,000 she is claiming. She just wants to marry a media mogul like Mayor Bloomberg or something. She is clearly not looking for an investment banker she wants the damn VP of Goldman Sach's. Maybe if she had a personality she would be able to find a man!

[TATrisha]

Why do the "plain janes get the guy with money?" Because plain janes typically don't go bragging about their looks which makes them appear even more beautiful. Not to mention, they probably have jobs and work hard. Why would anyone want to marry someone who can't even work hard enough to FIND a man? I mean, internet dating really works... but I'm not so sure about Craig's list.

[starfish kate]

They are discussing this on The View right now- they referred to the woman's post and the man's reply and now they are all giving their opinions. It is one of their "hot topics" today.

 

Too funny.