Off Your Chest

[azhuskergirl]

Dear woman in the bathroom who's always on her cell phone while doing her business:

 

Please don't. It's disgusting. I wish I had the courage to fart while you're doing it to teach you a lesson. I love double flushing just so the person on the other line knows where you are. Enough.

 

Susan

 

P.S. Wash you hands when you're done. It's disgusting!

[Sherry]

Dear Mother:

 

1. When are you going home? You've been here for 2 days and it feels like 2 years.

 

2. I'm sorry there's not enough toilet paper or tissues in my house for you. I'm pretty sure I could buy every single roll of toilet paper in the city and every single box of tissues, and you would still think we needed one more. I'm not sure what you do with the stuff. Are you just flushing it down the toilet for fun? Maybe you're using it to write lists of all the things "we" aren't doing right. I hope you don't think that I don't know that little "do 'we' need to go buy toilet paper tomorrow?" comment was a dig.

 

3. Just because I wanted to wait and order my veil later in the summer because we (i.e. the bride and groom) have spent a ton of money on wedding stuff in the last week doesn't mean we're broke! It means we think about our finances and actually have a budget. I realize this is difficult for you to understand since you have never understood the concept of managing money. On that note, I am a lawyer and part of senior management of a huge corporation. That means I can probably handle planning a wedding and managing a budget.

 

4. We don't care if you don't like our guest list. If you don't like it, you don't have to come.

 

5. Taking over the bridesmaid dress shopping day with your own quest for the more important mother of the bride dress will not make you a very popular mother of the bride. Leaving your daughters sitting outside a change room for 2 hours while you try on dresses you have no intention of buying because you say: (a) you need to lose 15 pounds before you even start thinking about your dress; and ( none of them are "mother of the bride" dresses anyway, will also not make you anyone's favourite mother of the bride.

 

6. Note the 3 words preceding "bride" in your title. It means you're not the bride. You're not the bride, and you're not the groom, so it's not your wedding. See points 4 and 5 above.

 

7. We (i.e. the bride and groom) are paying for this wedding. See points 4, 5 and 6 above.

 

Much love,

Sherry

[Sherry]

Wow, that feels better!

[Maura]

dear co-worker who sits across from me,

 

do you have to be a fucking bitch everyday? you arent my boss so i dont know why you think you have any right to tell me what to do or how to do my job. i have been here longer than you! stop hating me because i have a masters degree, which you said you think is not worth anything, when you have only a bachelors degree, and make less money than me because of it. stop hating me because you are miserable in life and because your asshole boyfriend cant do anything right, because i am happy and am getting married in 4 months and i dont deserve the bullshit negativity you try to heap on me everyday. get checked out for bipolar disorder, because i am REALLY REALLY sick of your daily attitude, with a random day thrown in where you try to be my BFF. dont throw stacks of paper over your cubicle at me and expect me to do what youre asking. thats rude. first ask if i can do them, then hand them over nicely. stop signing into the part time helpers email accounts to spy on what they are doing -- they know you do it because you are too stupid to know to mark things you open as unread! stop riding everybody's ass like nobody knows how to do their job, i am tired of the part time people coming to me to bitch that they hate you and that you are a tyrant! stop sending me passive aggressive emails and making rude comments out loud about how i do my work. last time i checked, i was the one who got the highest raise in the department for the last fiscal year, so i must be doin something right. you are controlling and irritable every single day, and have NO manners. get over yourself and do your own job without acting like you are the CEO of this company. also, stop making comments about how you hate weddings and showers -- dont worry, you arent invited to mine so you can stop dropping hints you miserable bitch!

 

signed,

your co-worker who wants to beat you everytime you talk since you can never say anything nice or positive

[alex]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maura dear co-worker who sits across from me...

Damn, I bet THAT felt good to get out!!!!!!!

[LisaG]

Dear Maura's co-worker who sits across from her:

 

You better watch your back or I'll help her beat your ass because that's the kind of day I'm having!

 

Signed, Hormonal Prego Girl that Needs a Day Off!!

[Maura]

i am feeling homicidal today, she is driving me sooooooooo nuts!

[becks]

Dear Maura's co-worker:

 

Watch your step my dear, because Maura is one of my favorite people and when I'm next in Chicago (week of May 1) I will walk into your office and beat you like a rented mule and walk out to wait for Maura at the wine bar around the corner.

[Maura]

Quote:

Originally Posted by becks Dear Maura's co-worker: Watch your step my dear, because Maura is one of my favorite people and when I'm next in Chicago (week of May 1) I will walk into your office and beat you like a rented mule and walk out to wait for Maura at the wine bar around the corner.

hahahahahhahahahaha i literally bust out laughing and she just gave me the dirtiest look, but it was so worth it. im so happy youll be here the week of may 1st so we can hang out again!

[Duchess]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maura hahahahahhahahahaha i literally bust out laughing and she just gave me the dirtiest look, but it was so worth it. im so happy youll be here the week of may 1st so we can hang out again!

Dear Maura's co-worker...You better look out because I AM in Chicago, and we don't mess around in this hood!

And, you're situation is hitting way to close to home, so maybe channeling my rage toward your tyrant can help take my mind off of mine.

oh yeah..