Step Parents?.....

[MissBubbles205]

Good Morning Ladies..

 

I'm hoping I'm not the only one confused when it comes to this topic... but my fiance's parents split up when he was younger and both parents have remarried and have children with their new spouses. He has a close relationship with his mother and step-mother. But from what I've gathered the women don't like each other.... So first I am worried about our destination wedding and them having to be around each other, but I'm thinking since it's our wedding they will put their feelings aside and just be there for us and have a great time.

 

As I started thinking of DIY projects, I'm wondering how I should handle certain things.. Like for instance, I'm making DIY rhinestoned shirts for my bridal party and wanted to make "mother of the bride" and "mother of the groom" tanks. with him having the two moms is it okay for me to make them both a tank? Should they both say mother of the groom or should one say "step-mother" of the groom? I don't want to hurt anyones feelings but they both raised him and are close to him and I want them both to be included. My fiance's response to my question, they will get over it, it's our wedding. lol.. I had the same thought but just wanted to share for advice.

 

Let me add, I am actually super happy about getting a huge family!.. 2 new moms, 2 new dads, 2 awesome sets of grandparents, and 7 brothers and sisters. Can I hide out at Christmas time?? lol..

[Jenna1511]

I'm in the same boat but its my family that is huge! My parents split when I was really young and both of them are remarried with other kids. I'm the oldest of six siblings total from both sides! Christmas is madness!! Haha my step mother and step father have been in my life since I was 12 years old and I'm really close to both. Its hard when it comes to different wedding traditions like father-daughter dances etc and the DIY projects to include everyone. Especially if they don't all get along! That is my case as well. All parents have been great so far but when my fiancé and I moved in together last year we had a celebration party and that was the first time my mother and father were in the same room since I was 10 years old.....which when you do the math is almost 20 yrs!! So step parents aside families coming together can be stressful. So this is how Ive handled a destination wedding with family drama. We are getting married and we want all of them to be there. The history has nothing to do with joyous event and they are putting a smile on their face for the two of us. I told both sides that we are not expecting them to be weekend buddies just be happy for us and celebrate that. Ok so now that you know my whole family history I will put in some advice. I wouldnt put "step mother" on the tanks because if he is close with her she really is another "mother of groom" and it doesn't take away from his real mom being the "mother of the groom" too. Does any of this make sense? Haha I hope this helps and I know what you are going through!

[MissBubbles205]

Originally Posted by Jenna1511 

 

I'm in the same boat but its my family that is huge! My parents split when I was really young and both of them are remarried with other kids. I'm the oldest of six siblings total from both sides! Christmas is madness!! Haha my step mother and step father have been in my life since I was 12 years old and I'm really close to both. Its hard when it comes to different wedding traditions like father-daughter dances etc and the DIY projects to include everyone. Especially if they don't all get along! That is my case as well. All parents have been great so far but when my fiancé and I moved in together last year we had a celebration party and that was the first time my mother and father were in the same room since I was 10 years old.....which when you do the math is almost 20 yrs!! So step parents aside families coming together can be stressful.

So this is how Ive handled a destination wedding with family drama. We are getting married and we want all of them to be there. The history has nothing to do with joyous event and they are putting a smile on their face for the two of us. I told both sides that we are not expecting them to be weekend buddies just be happy for us and celebrate that. Ok so now that you know my whole family history I will put in some advice.

I wouldnt put "step mother" on the tanks because if he is close with her she really is another "mother of groom" and it doesn't take away from his real mom being the "mother of the groom" too. Does any of this make sense? Haha I hope this helps and I know what you are going through!

 Thank you for sharing, yalls circumstances are almost exactly the same! I def feel for you at Christmas time. I do believe the wedding will be the first time they have all seen each other since my fiance was young and I'm really hoping for no snide remarks. I have a feeling we are going to halft to talk to both mothers and do as you did and tell them to put on at least a fake smile around each other. I just know now the moms talk about each other, I don't know the history, but it still bothers me and makes me feel uncomfortable. :-/

 

I def thought step-mom would be a smack in the face as she was the one my fiance lived with for most of his life. I didn't want to hurt his bilogical moms feelings but I feel that they are both the major contributors that made him the awesome person that he is. ) So i hope she understands. 

 

Now with mother/son dances, how are you handling that in your circumstance? And writing them out on the ceremony program, is my biggest concern.. I have to write step-mother right? so that that people aren't confused.. Or should I just put mom and dad twice?  I am probably stressing over this more than I should.

[Jenna1511]

We decided not to do the traditional dances with parents. Mainly because we are expecting a small group for the wedding and we are also not planning on having a dj. The bonus is we didn't have to figure out how to make that happen with my four parents and his two. I would say that if you are planning on having the dances printed on programs then yes I would put "step mother" and I'm sure everyone would be fine with it. I totally understand the over-thought, I am the same way! I over analyze every possible situation to ensure that everyone will be happy. It's hard to let go of control and just let the chips fall where they may. Easier said than done, hope this helps!

[MissBubbles205]

Originally Posted by Jenna1511 

 

We decided not to do the traditional dances with parents. Mainly because we are expecting a small group for the wedding and we are also not planning on having a dj. The bonus is we didn't have to figure out how to make that happen with my four parents and his two.

I would say that if you are planning on having the dances printed on programs then yes I would put "step mother" and I'm sure everyone would be fine with it.

I totally understand the over-thought, I am the same way! I over analyze every possible situation to ensure that everyone will be happy. It's hard to let go of control and just let the chips fall where they may. Easier said than done, hope this helps!

 

I would like to have a father daughter dance with my dad.... but maybe we can do that at our AHR while others are dancing as well. For the DW reception, I totally torn as what to do. Our ceremony is at 6, and dinner is at 8.. I'm just not sure how we could squeeze a reception in.

 

Thanks for your help and insight Jenna! ) what is your wedding timeline?

[Jenna1511]

This is all I have for our timeline so far...... 3:30-4:30- first look and photos for the bride and groom 4:30-5:00- refreshen up and head to the ceremony 5:00-5:30- Ceremony 5:30-6:00- Group photos 6:00-7:00- Cocktails and appetizers 7:00-10:00- Dinner reception Buffet dinner Cake cutting Speeches I don't have anything beyond that, we will probably head to the night club at our resort for the after party!

[MissBubbles205]

Originally Posted by Jenna1511 

 

This is all I have for our timeline so far......

3:30-4:30- first look and photos for the bride and groom

4:30-5:00- refreshen up and head to the ceremony

5:00-5:30- Ceremony

5:30-6:00- Group photos

6:00-7:00- Cocktails and appetizers

7:00-10:00- Dinner reception

Buffet dinner

Cake cutting

Speeches

 

I don't have anything beyond that, we will probably head to the night club at our resort for the after party!

 Great timeline! Thanks for sharing!  I'll add this to my wedding binder.

[DestinationGirl]

Question for you ladies, and I know this is a little off topic and I apologize:

 

Our wedding ceremony is at 5pm and I have a semi-private dinner booked and then a reception at 8.

I do not want to do the first look.

Do you think there is enough time to do photos from 5:30 (when the ceremony ends) until 6:30?? Or is that cutting it close?

Should I push dinner to start at 7 until 8 (that may be too short and rushed??)

 

Im so confused!! Please help.

[MissBubbles205]

Originally Posted by DestinationGirl 

 

Question for you ladies, and I know this is a little off topic and I apologize:

 

Our wedding ceremony is at 5pm and I have a semi-private dinner booked and then a reception at 8.

I do not want to do the first look.

Do you think there is enough time to do photos from 5:30 (when the ceremony ends) until 6:30?? Or is that cutting it close?

Should I push dinner to start at 7 until 8 (that may be too short and rushed??)

 

Im so confused!! Please help.

 My wedding is at 6, and my photographer suggested 8 should be the earliest time for dinner. He was actually hoping I could do 5:00 ceremony and 8:00 dinner, but someone is getting married before us so this would not work.   Are you wanting you and your grooms photo's from 5:30-6:30 or yall + family and friends?

[MissBubbles205]

Originally Posted by DestinationGirl 

 

Question for you ladies, and I know this is a little off topic and I apologize:

 

Our wedding ceremony is at 5pm and I have a semi-private dinner booked and then a reception at 8.

I do not want to do the first look.

Do you think there is enough time to do photos from 5:30 (when the ceremony ends) until 6:30?? Or is that cutting it close?

Should I push dinner to start at 7 until 8 (that may be too short and rushed??)

 

Im so confused!! Please help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissBubbles205 

 

 My wedding is at 6, and my photographer suggested 8 should be the earliest time for dinner. He was actually hoping I could do 5:00 ceremony and 8:00 dinner, but someone is getting married before us so this would not work.   Are you wanting you and your grooms photo's from 5:30-6:30 or yall + family and friends?

 sorry... I totally read that wrong!   so you ceremony is at 5, dinner at ___? Reception at 8..   I too am wanting to do a reception but Idk how we can accomodate it with our dinner not starting until 8. Have you booked a photographer yet? If so, I would speak with them to find out the best times per each thing. Since they deal with soo many weddings they should know the best times to accomodate everything. ) then let us know what they say, as I am curious. I too need to speak with mine again.