how to back out of destination wedding

[athomebride]

i have always disliked the idea of these destination weddings and all of my friends know this. that said i was asked by 3 friends this year to be bridesmaids in their weddings i could not do all three and fortunately one has decided to stay local and the other put hers off as she is having a baby so fewwww i am left with just one i also got engaged about a month after my friend and also asked her to be in my wedding but now as my financial situation has changed due to my wedding, relocating and having to find a new job i feel like i have no choice but to back out. we were planning to piggyback her wedding as our honeymoon as it is 2 weeks after ours but now we don't know if we will have the money the deposit is due in a month and i don't know what to do. i understand that she will probably back out of my wedding as a result and that sucks but i know she will have sour grapes...i just don't know how to bring it up as i have been avoiding the topic trying to figure some sort of miracle to pull this off and not ruin our friendship

[Ploman]

Hmm I know I'd be a little miffed if my bridesmaid said yes and later backed out, but I would be MORE miffed if she waited until the last second to tell me, or just didn't put her deposit down. So I'd recommend telling her as soon as possible! Then she can start looking for a replacement and give them time for them to consider if they can afford it. 

 

In the end, it sucks for everyone, but if you can't afford it then you can't afford it. It's a tricky situation, and you're right, it could get ugly! Good luck! 

 

Is it possible to go for a shorter duration, without your partner, so you can just be there for the wedding day and maybe a few surrounding days? 

[maridr2012]

Ohhh thats a tough one.  Yeah I'd prob be a little pissed off if one of my friends backed out of my wedding as a bridesmaid after agreeing to it, but also agree you shouldn't wait to the last minute.  Chances are, your friend may understand when you explain to her that now you also are getting married and have huge financial committments of your owns and savings you need to plan for.  Just tell her right away so she won't have to harass you or feel ignored.  What I'd also suggest is that you still want to be a part of her big event as much as you can, and you love and support her.  Try to go with her to look at dresses, check in with her to see how her planning is coming along, and be helpful in planning her bridal shower and bachelorette party.  I think it'd be impossible for her to have sour grapes if you show her you just cant physically be there on her big day.  And hopefully, she'll do the same for you when it's your big day as well.  Good luck!

[Branya2012]

I agree, tell her as soon as possible! However, I think that if you are honest with her about your reasons for not being able to be in her wedding party and go to her wedding, she should understand. It will probably hurt that you cannot stand up for her, but I don't know why she would automatically back out of your wedding! Especially if it's local.

 

Chin up and hope for the best! Your reasons for not being at her wedding aren't personal, they're financial, so hopefully she can understand that and you can be there for each other in different ways in the lead up to your big days!

 

Congrats!

[wallabymeisje]

hopefully she will understand she too is planning a wedding and knows how expensive they can be but the best thing to to tell the truth now.... have you thought about putting the deposit down and then using the money you recieve for your wedding to pay off the trip?

[DwBride2Be]

I agree, tell her ASAP, but I suggest you soften the blow by NOT starting with "I've always disliked destination weddings". It's not your choice but it is lots of people's and that can be taken the wrong way.

[jello]

If I was your friend and you couldn't come to my wedding because of financial reasons, not only would I TOTALLY understand and still be proud to be your bridesmaid, I would also try to see if I could help you out financially (assuming that was feasible for me).  I cannot fathom why your friend would be at all angry at you for this.  It's not your fault if money is tight!  I would tell your friend as soon as possible and work it out together. 

[worstbride]

Here is my take on this situation...

 

I was in my best friends wedding and had to drive three hours away... I also paid for her entire bacheorette party weekend for around $1000, bridesmaid dress for a few hundred and then the cost of staying in her home town in a hotel for a weekend.

 

All in all after gift etc... I think I probably spent about 2500 dollars.  ** I work retail so lets not be thinking I am all full of money lol***She has now told me she won't be able to come to my wedding due to financial reasons. I told her more than a year ago that we would be going way and if that would be okay with her because I needed to make sure she would be there. She said absolutely and she would start saving. Push comes to shove she emails me a week ago telling me she won't be able to make it.

 

In the last five years they have traveled to spain, mexico, italy, cuba and dominican. So it's not like they don't appreciate their vacations.

 

That being said... as disappointing it is to know she won't be there,  i am GLAD I spent the money that I did and was there for her. Even if I knew in advance that she wouldn't be coming to mine I wouldn't have dropped out of her wedding or changed anything I did.

 

Try and see it from their perspective as well, hell yes be upset that theywon't be there, but I am sure they won't be excited to have to tell you that they won't be there for you.

 

I hope your girl doesn't drop out of your wedding because you can't go to hers. If she is a good friend she should be understanding. If not. Screw em. Everyone needs to be a little more understanding of things that pop up, or personal feelings.