Tired of Complaints and Feeling Guilty at the same time!

[carori]

I just want to vent a little: sometimes I feel so guilty about having a DW, I feel selfish, and I think aren't weddings about celebrating with family and friends? then why make it so difficult for people to come?

 

I then remember myself of why we are having one: we want to! and at some point I thought it was more convenient for everyone really. But then again, after hearing so many comments about pricing from my dad, mom, friends, colleagues (not even close friends!), well, everyone!  

 

But then I think: me and my FI live in Europe for the last 5 years, this is where we met and this is where our "home" is; but our families are from 2 other different continents! so, wherever we had our wedding it was going to be a DW! So, we decided to make it in a neutral place that we both love, not his country and not mine so that everyone feels that we didn't picked "a side". Not Europe because it would just be more expensive for EVERYONE (us and the guests!). So we chose Punta Cana. 

 

But now, everyone complains: wow! you picked an expensive place! why there? wow! it looks like you move "in other circles", is your family reach? (and no, they are not!) I will try to go to the wedding,... but not to YOUR hotel!! OMG

 

Was I supposed to pick the cheapest hotel in Punta Cana for everyone to be happy? 

 

And why do people think they can just say this things? don't they realize this is stressful? Nobody is forcing them to go! I even say they have the option to stay somewhere else!

 

My mom isn't even paying for her trip but she complains because her cousins complain to her, and then she comes and complains to me about the prices. I don't even care if her cousins come, I only invited them because I wanted to not exclude them, not because I expected them to make any effort in coming... I honestly don't even understand why they are coming, they never even write to me, If they want a vacation they can just take it whenever they want... somehow I'm thinking of letting them know that they shouldn't feel obliged to come AT ALL but i don't want to be rude... 

 

Another aunt sent me the news that she won't be coming: "it just doesn't fit her goal of traveling once again to Europe in this live" WTF!!??? 

 

Am I just being too sensitive? that's what a friend told me, not to take it personally... plop! how am i supposed to do that? It's my f... wedding!!! And then I go back to guilt This is so stressful that i don't even feel like picking the details of the wedding, flowers and nice things i should be thinking about  

 

Well, this became a long vent! Sorry but I don't want to stress my FI, since he also started to get super stressed when I told him about only 1 complaint

 

Anyway, thanks for reading...

[ElleGee]

I absolutely feel your same emotions!  Its such a roller coaster of emotions, up one day and down the next. My fiance family is from a small town and they are the least understanding about all of this. 

 

But, you just need to stay focused . .you are marrying your best friend, your soul mate, and it is going to be in the most beautiful place ever. Plus, I think of it as forcing your family and friends to take a much needed vacation, LOL.

 

We invited over 250 people, and everytime I get a "NO" RSVP, I get sad over again. And, trust me, there are ALOT OF 'NO's"! But, at the end of the day, you made choices for certain reasons. I try to maintain the thoughts that people who make inappropriate comments to me about it are just jealous they cant come, right???? LOL!!!!

 

Vent away . . thats what this site is for . . and to find AMAZING IDEAS!!! Happy planning!

[camelina65]

Try not to dwell on it.  I think every person on here has gotten complaints about their DW!  Maybe they're jealous or resentful or just cranky, but the most important thing is just to trust your gut and enjoy the process.  It goes by so fast...

[DwBride2Be]

That's a tough one Carori!

 

Is it really everyone making comments like that, or just a few?  Because with my wedding (we're doing the same thing, neutral ground for families that are across the country from each other), we just focus on the people that ARE coming, and don't even think twice about the no's or the no answers.   We invited 190 people, 44 are coming and are booked, and 80 some are still no reply.  I'm considering them a no, and not even reminding or asking again.  If they were coming they would have booked already.

 

If you try to evaluate their reasoning and figure out if it's acceptable or not you'll just eat yourself up.  Don't worry about it.    We all have DW for different reason's, but the main one is to bring people together.  So you need to be super thrilled and excited and grateful of the ones coming, and not spend all your time complaining about the ones that arent.

 

In my mind I think of it as this:

I've invited you because you'de be invited to my wedding if it were in My families city, His families City, or Cuba.   This doesn't mean you'de come to ANY of those options, so no hard feelings regardless.

 

Also, if people get too negative and you feel the need to stand up for yourself, maybe point out that Europe can be just as expensive to travel to, and you didn't want to burden either side with hosting the rest of the wedding in the other places so the neutral ground worked best for you.

 

Regarding your mom's comments, don't take them too seriously, a DW is probably new to her, and you're the only one she can talk to about it, so just listen and let the comments fly out your other ear.

 

Good luck with it all! 
L

[RollerBride]

Hang in there. It isn't an easy choice but it's a smart choice, at least it was for my fiance and I. We are paying for the vast majority of the wedding and this is our honeymoon too. Our families are spread across the country so just like you said, anywhere we had our wedding would have been a destination, right?!

 

As for guests complaining about the location, i feel you 100%. We are getting married in Mexico and some people told me that is specifically why they are NOT going. It hurts but I just have to shake it off and remember that I will be laughing it up from the swim up pool bar next month while they are sitting at work

 

I'll tell you what, I'm shocked at the amount of responses we did NOT receive. We invited 120 people and really only wanted 40 people.  We did invite cousins and such as a courtesy but It's like people don't take a destination wedding, or the invitation to one, seriously. and then, on the flip side, i had people RSVP that said they WERE coming and then just told me last week that they cannot make because they waited too long to book because they thought prices would go down and the prices did not go down. It's absurd!

 

 (I think) our final number is 31 and we are thrilled with that. Of course I'm very sad that a few close girlfriends of mine can't make it but our immediate familes and other close friends will be there and it will be rad.

 

I'm not sure how close you are to your wedding, but as your planning gets going, you will begin to really focus on how the day will be with the ones that are there.

Again, just hang in there, take the complaints and rude comments and just let them roll off of you.

[carori]

Thank you so much for your comments, I feel a bit better today, I think yesterday the whole thing just went too much into my head :S 

And it's true, is not everyone that is complaining, or at least some stopped haha some friends are booking already actually My wedding is still far away in my head, is on March 2013, so there is time... some people are waiting until September to book flight tickets because they heard they get cheaper, I hope they do! Well, I'll keep you posted And I like the strategy of pointing out that this is at least better than doing the wedding in Europe, I honestly didn't want people to be burdened with Visas and expensive tickets... Thanks for listening!  

[Mufin1785]

I believe a wedding is about you and future husband and people should feel privileged that they received an invite.  Don't feel guilty because your friends and family just want it to be easy easier to eat and drink on your tab.  A destination Wedding allows for a more intimate wedding and you get to share your day with truly close friends and family. 

[brgephar]

Originally Posted by Mufin1785 

 

Don't feel guilty because your friends and family just want it to be easy easier to eat and drink on your tab.  

haha great point! I think I'll use that one

[Branya2012]

Well said! We all deal with other people's opinions, whether solicited or not, it sucks that it has such an impact on us while we plan one of the most exciting and happiest days of our lives! But, such is life!

Originally Posted by Mufin1785 

I believe a wedding is about you and future husband and people should feel privileged that they received an invite.  Don't feel guilty because your friends and family just want it to be easy easier to eat and drink on your tab.  A destination Wedding allows for a more intimate wedding and you get to share your day with truly close friends and family. 

[KLPhoto]

Originally Posted by carori 

 

I just want to vent a little: sometimes I feel so guilty about having a DW, I feel selfish, and I think aren't weddings about celebrating with family and friends? then why make it so difficult for people to come?

 

I then remember myself of why we are having one: we want to! and at some point I thought it was more convenient for everyone really. But then again, after hearing so many comments about pricing from my dad, mom, friends, colleagues (not even close friends!), well, everyone!  

 

But then I think: me and my FI live in Europe for the last 5 years, this is where we met and this is where our "home" is; but our families are from 2 other different continents! so, wherever we had our wedding it was going to be a DW! So, we decided to make it in a neutral place that we both love, not his country and not mine so that everyone feels that we didn't picked "a side". Not Europe because it would just be more expensive for EVERYONE (us and the guests!). So we chose Punta Cana. 

 

But now, everyone complains: wow! you picked an expensive place! why there? wow! it looks like you move "in other circles", is your family reach? (and no, they are not!) I will try to go to the wedding,... but not to YOUR hotel!! OMG

 

Was I supposed to pick the cheapest hotel in Punta Cana for everyone to be happy? 

 

And why do people think they can just say this things? don't they realize this is stressful? Nobody is forcing them to go! I even say they have the option to stay somewhere else!

 

My mom isn't even paying for her trip but she complains because her cousins complain to her, and then she comes and complains to me about the prices. I don't even care if her cousins come, I only invited them because I wanted to not exclude them, not because I expected them to make any effort in coming... I honestly don't even understand why they are coming, they never even write to me, If they want a vacation they can just take it whenever they want... somehow I'm thinking of letting them know that they shouldn't feel obliged to come AT ALL but i don't want to be rude... 

 

Another aunt sent me the news that she won't be coming: "it just doesn't fit her goal of traveling once again to Europe in this live" WTF!!??? 

 

Am I just being too sensitive? that's what a friend told me, not to take it personally... plop! how am i supposed to do that? It's my f... wedding!!! And then I go back to guilt This is so stressful that i don't even feel like picking the details of the wedding, flowers and nice things i should be thinking about  

 

Well, this became a long vent! Sorry but I don't want to stress my FI, since he also started to get super stressed when I told him about only 1 complaint

 

Anyway, thanks for reading...

Aw don't fret. I know it's tough, but honestly people will always find something to complain about IMO. My hubby and I wanted to do Jamaica but realized it would cost $2k for people to come and we thought that was too much for some people we wanted there. So we decided to do a DW in Vegas. Yet, those people we were originally concerned about STILL didn't come after we cut the costs in half. So it goes. In the end, you need to do what will make you both happy. We wouldn't have changed a thing for the world. We ended up not even having an AHR since it was going to be more costly and a headache for us with everything going on. So who goes, goes. Who doesn't, doesn't. You can't beat yourself up about it because you will never make EVERYONE happy, but gosh darnit, you CAN make YOURSELF happy! It's YOUR day!