Legal marriage at home before DW Advice?

[BreMarie]

I'm a little surprised by how many people are doing the legal ceremony prior to their wedding!  I mean, it's definitely the easier route, but there are a lot of you keeping it a secret, which tells me you feel wrong about it.  I personally would feel pretty annoyed if I paid a ton of money to watch someone I love get married only to find out they aren't really getting married.

 

My personal thought is yes, we could save some money by getting legally married before we went to mexico...but your family and friends are paying a lot of money to come watch you get married, that means they should really get to watch you get married, not have a vow renewal. 

 

 

That's just my .02

[kmk2016]

I'm a little surprised by how many people are doing the legal ceremony prior to their wedding! I mean, it's definitely the easier route, but there are a lot of you keeping it a secret, which tells me you feel wrong about it. I personally would feel pretty annoyed if I paid a ton of money to watch someone I love get married only to find out they aren't really getting married.

 

My personal thought is yes, we could save some money by getting legally married before we went to mexico...but your family and friends are paying a lot of money to come watch you get married, that means they should really get to watch you get married, not have a vow renewal.

 

 

That's just my .02

Wow... I feel this post is a bit judgemental- and certainly don't like the implication that we are "ripping our guests off by not having a real wedding"... Our wedding will be very real.

 

IF we did a legal ceremony in Mexico the entire ceremony is required to be done in Spanish (at our resort) my guests would be sitting there not a part of our special moment because about 1/10th of them speak Spanish.

 

IF we did a legal ceremony in Mexico we would need to arrive 4 business days prior to wedding date, and the only Canadian tour operator that has rights to our hotel would have us arriving 3 business days before our wedding date (a special date).

 

IF we did a legal ceremony in Mexico we would be required to do blood test in our hotel. I'm not comfortable doing this- I will have never met this doctor and have no idea how clean their practices are.

 

IF we did a legal ceremony in Mexico, I would need to have my divorce papers translated. I have an over 200 page divorce docket that was very detailed. Average price is $5 a page. No thank you.

 

IF we did a legal ceremony in Mexico I would need to get a lengthy amount of additional paperwork completed that is not simple because although I am divorced, I chose to keep my name of my former husband for the sake of our children. This is not common or generally heard of by the Mexican courts and it complicates things greatly.

 

A REAL wedding isn't a stamp on a paper by a judge. It's the gathering of those whose hearts are invested in our own... Who's strength and support has brought us to the celebration of our union... And the gathering of loved ones witnessing a promise between two people who commit to loving one another for a lifetime.

 

My family and friends most certainly will be attending a REAL wedding when they travel to witness our symbolic ceremony.

 

 

 

 

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[nadiakat17]

Totally agree with you @@kmk2016. First of all, a lot of marriages in other countries, including Mexico, have a civil ceremony and a "religious" ceremony, some that don't even happen on the same day. Some people choose to get married legally beforehand for a variety of important reasons such as citizenship, insurance, deployment etc. Some people, most on this forum, choose it due to ease and cost difference (which would add up to probably over a thousand dollars) and also - for me this is most important- due to concern that these marriage documents may not hold up or transfer easily back to their home country and concern over having a blood test in another country. 

I was actually on the knot's forum today for some reason and unfortunately chose to open the post about legal before symbolic marriage, and was honestly pretty disgusted by some of the responses, saying that it is all a big lie, that guests would be outraged, and that it is a PPD (pretty princess day) and everyone is a "special snowflake". Since when does everyone get to weigh in on someone's wedding day? Who are they to judge why someone is choosing to have it a certain way? I would hope my family and friends would not think of it this way. These are the people that love me most and support my decisions. 

 

Besides, how many weddings have you gone to in the states/canada where you actually see the couple sign a marriage certificate? I actually have never seen it. Actually, at the last wedding I went to, I was talking to the groom at the end of the night about the process to get legally married at a wedding ceremony in the states and he said that they were so caught up in the day that they hadn't actually signed the certificate yet and would in the morning. So at the reception, they technically weren't "legally" married! But I did not feel lied to, I was celebrating their love, and am wishing them the best in their lives together! 

 

I just feel that (including a lot of today's politics that I won't get into), people should generally let people make decisions that make them happy that are not harming others. Maybe not to you, but to me, I am just signing paperwork and the real wedding is when I make my vows to my husband in front of the people I love most in the world. Weddings are about celebration, a party, a gathering of family/friends, not about the documents. The day I walk down the aisle is the moment when I will be married.  

[BreMarie]

Wow... I feel this post is a bit judgemental- and certainly don't like the implication that we are "ripping our guests off by not having a real wedding"... Our wedding will be very real.

 

IF we did a legal ceremony in Mexico the entire ceremony is required to be done in Spanish (at our resort) my guests would be sitting there not a part of our special moment because about 1/10th of them speak Spanish.

 

IF we did a legal ceremony in Mexico we would need to arrive 4 business days prior to wedding date, and the only Canadian tour operator that has rights to our hotel would have us arriving 3 business days before our wedding date (a special date).

 

IF we did a legal ceremony in Mexico we would be required to do blood test in our hotel. I'm not comfortable doing this- I will have never met this doctor and have no idea how clean their practices are.

 

IF we did a legal ceremony in Mexico, I would need to have my divorce papers translated. I have an over 200 page divorce docket that was very detailed. Average price is $5 a page. No thank you.

 

IF we did a legal ceremony in Mexico I would need to get a lengthy amount of additional paperwork completed that is not simple because although I am divorced, I chose to keep my name of my former husband for the sake of our children. This is not common or generally heard of by the Mexican courts and it complicates things greatly.

 

A REAL wedding isn't a stamp on a paper by a judge. It's the gathering of those whose hearts are invested in our own... Who's strength and support has brought us to the celebration of our union... And the gathering of loved ones witnessing a promise between two people who commit to loving one another for a lifetime.

 

My family and friends most certainly will be attending a REAL wedding when they travel to witness our symbolic ceremony.

 

 

 

 

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I think you could tell me 1,000 different reasons why you need to have your legal ceremony prior to your wedding in Mexico and I will still not agree with it, but guess what?  That's your decision.  I didn't come on here to convince people why they should or shouldn't get legally married in Mexico, I just gave my opinion on the whole thing, and perhaps someone who comes here looking for the same advice will see it from someone else's perspective and may consider doing it differently.

 

 

FYI a REAL wedding is in fact when the judge declares you married, if it were so simple to call yourself married without the law involved than why are there still people (gay) that are fighting for that simple right of the judge stamping a piece of paper??  Also, there are millions of people who get married every single day at the courthouse and that is it, and they 100% consider that a real wedding.

[calgarybride2015]

I think this is case in point why people keep it a secret!

 

The only people who may question the wedding if it's 'real' or not are the people who've legally married in another country. I am sure the people I know who've been to a destination wedding were 'duped' too and they had no idea. Heck you may have been duped yourself if you've ever attended a DW - would you end your friendship? No you'd probably just be fond of the special moment you shared with them. Seems silly to get bent out of shape over something like this.

 

It's no ones choice but your own so be happy with your decision and ignore the negativity.

 

 

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Edited September 2, 2014 by calgarybride2015

[Lia33]

@@nadiakat17 - I guess we spoke to soon about the wonderfully supportive atmosphere on this forum! lol 

 

@@BreMarie - You're absolutely entitled to your opinion - and can probably share it in a less judgmental way. I went to a friend of mine's wedding last summer - even though she got legally married one year prior - it didn't stop anyone from wanting to attend since they were already legally married. MANY people have symbolic ceremonies, religious ceremonies, etc. Most people want to go to weddings - especially destination weddings - not always specifically for the watching of two people become "legally" united, but watching two people make a commitment and celebrate their love with everyone. 

 

For those that just get married at city hall - great! I've never heard of anyone call this their "wedding", more so legal ceremony, or just "getting married". But not consider it their full "wedding". 

 

The legal part is absolutely important - without this symbolic wedding doesn't make you man and wife. But for me,  the city hall piece is what legally binds us. The wedding ceremony is my way of sharing this unity between us with everyone important to us in our lives. 

 

My dad won't be walking me down the aisle at city hall. Nor will I have a bridal party. Nor will there be dinner, dancing, and all of my friends and family present. The legality of the unity is NOT the most important piece to a destination wedding. 

[calgarybride2015]

Exactly Lia33 and technically when you arrive home you aren't even legally married in your country until a couple months later when your paper work arrives!

 

If it does arrive! I've heard horror stories about that too...

 

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Edited September 2, 2014 by calgarybride2015

[BreMarie]

@@nadiakat17 - I guess we spoke to soon about the wonderfully supportive atmosphere on this forum! lol 

 

@@BreMarie - You're absolutely entitled to your opinion - and can probably share it in a less judgmental way. I went to a friend of mine's wedding last summer - even though she got legally married one year prior - it didn't stop anyone from wanting to attend since they were already legally married. MANY people have symbolic ceremonies, religious ceremonies, etc. Most people want to go to weddings - especially destination weddings - not always specifically for the watching of two people become "legally" united, but watching two people make a commitment and celebrate their love with everyone. 

 

For those that just get married at city hall - great! I've never heard of anyone call this their "wedding", more so legal ceremony, or just "getting married". But not consider it their full "wedding". 

 

The legal part is absolutely important - without this symbolic wedding doesn't make you man and wife. But for me,  the city hall piece is what legally binds us. The wedding ceremony is my way of sharing this unity between us with everyone important to us in our lives. 

 

My dad won't be walking me down the aisle at city hall. Nor will I have a bridal party. Nor will there be dinner, dancing, and all of my friends and family present. The legality of the unity is NOT the most important piece to a destination wedding. 

I think if you're looking for a place in the world where everyone agrees with every body else you don't belong on the internet.  I hardly consider voicing an opinion as judgment, but by all means you can all enjoy calling me negative and judgmental if it makes you feel better about the guilt you're obviously feeling for your decision.

 

I will go about my way away from this thread and you can all go back to justifying your decisions which you clearly all need to do, otherwise you wouldn't have reacted so harshly to my response.

[Lia33]

I think if you're looking for a place in the world where everyone agrees with every body else you don't belong on the internet. I hardly consider voicing an opinion as judgment, but by all means you can all enjoy calling me negative and judgmental if it makes you feel better about the guilt you're obviously feeling for your decision.

 

I will go about my way away from this thread and you can all go back to justifying your decisions which you clearly all need to do, otherwise you wouldn't have reacted so harshly to my response.

I don't share every aspect of my choices and planning process with every person that has been invited. That would take way too much time. So its not about guilt, just preference. No one expects everyone to agree, as said, your entitled to your opinion.

 

I don't believe I've responded too harshly - simply shared my opinion and reasoning for my choices. Thought I was pretty polite actually, sorry you feel that way.

 

Happy planning!!

[nadiakat17]

An opinion is one thing, but to come on a forum and call people's weddings (which they have spent so much time and money and heart on) a "vow renewal" is undoubtedly offensive to a lot of people on this forum. I have posted opinions that go against the grain on some of these topics (I am in the minority about wanting to have a registry) but have voiced my thoughts in a way that I feel is respectful, and people have disagreed in a way that I found respectful. Some of us actually may feel guilt because of family members/friends that have opinions like yours. It's human nature. It really causes unnecessary stress. So that is why we come on this forum, to have a place to come to for support and ideas. A legal marriage is important, as that is what is recognized here for many different things. But I am only doing that part because I have to, for taxes, for medical decision making, etc. Hence why I am signing the paperwork before I come down. Which is important for gay people as well and is why I support their rights wholeheartedly. I would love that they would have a choice to separate their legal and symbolic marriages like I do. And if a gay couple considered themselves married without actually having paperwork, I would consider them married as well. If a person has a courthouse wedding and that is the only wedding they will have, then that's their wedding. The point we are trying to make is it is not up to you to determine what a marriage/wedding means to another person. It's such a personal decision. And the reason people are getting defensive is the same reason lots of people (over thousands of years) get upset when they feel like their key beliefs are being challenged. This just makes me even more sound in my decision.